A Thousand Thoughts

Tang Xu’s face was swollen and had a bloody wound for a few days. He tried hard to avoid Tang Cuo, but unexpectedly, he was blocked by him at the door of the classroom one day.

“What happened to your face?” As soon as Tang Cuo saw him, he couldn’t hold back and rushed up, ignoring the students coming out of the classroom. When he walked up to Tang Xu and was about to touch his face, he suddenly remembered where they were.

 “Teacher Tang.” He quickly added a sentence.

Seeing his anxiety but unable to show it, Tang Xu felt a bit itchy in his heart, but he still comforted him seriously. “It’s okay; I accidentally bumped into something.”

As an excuse to consult about going abroad, Tang Cuo followed Tang Xu to his office. Another teacher went to a meeting, and after closing the door, Tang Cuo grabbed Tang Xu’s clothes and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have gone with you. It’s better to have two people get beaten than one… Do you still have any injuries on your body?” 

“It’s nothing,” Tang Xu said, holding his hand and interrupting his worriedness. “It’s almost healed.”

“How can you say it’s nothing? It has scabbed over.” Tang Cuo turned around and locked the door while lifting up his clothes and saying, “Let me see your injuries.” 

“I’m really fine,” Tang Xu said, holding onto Tang Cuo, hugging him, and gently patting his back. “I just got beaten up. The old man is getting older, so his strength is much weaker than before.” 

Tang Cuo hugged him without saying a word. He felt very uncomfortable, both in pain and feeling wronged. He felt pain for Tang Xu and felt wronged for him as well. 

“Don’t worry, I really am fine. I’ll let you check on me when we get home tonight. But there’s something I need to tell you now; it may be a bit troublesome.” Tang Xu pulled him up and looked into his eyes. “My parents want to meet you.” 

Tang Cuo had some impressions of Tang Xu’s family; after all, he had interacted with them during the past two years. But now that he had changed his identity, he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous when he really stood in front of Tang Xu’s family’s door. 

Tang Xu raised his hand and pinched the back of his neck. “Don’t be afraid; my parents have accepted our relationship. As for my grandfather…if he hits you, just run.” 

Tang Cuo wanted to say, “Why didn’t you run?” But the oppressive feeling of the gate in front of him made him nod thoughtlessly.

As Tang Xu had said, his parents were fine. They greeted Tang Cuo as soon as he came in and didn’t miss any words they should have said. However, Tang Xu’s grandfather remained silent and motionless, ignoring the people who were chatting and laughing nearby while drinking tea and reading the newspaper. 

After Tang Xu’s parents temporarily left the living room, Tang Cuo glanced in the direction of the rocking chair and then looked at Tang Xu with an inquiring look. 

It had to come eventually. 

Tang Xu got up, lightly holding Tang Cuo’s shoulder, and walked with him to the front of his grandfather. 

“Grandpa, SiHang is here.” 

No response. 

As if he couldn’t sense his grandpa’s displeasure, Tang Xu continued in a calm and respectful tone, “Grandpa, SiHang brought you a new batch of Maofeng tea.” 

With a loud bang, the tea cup was slammed onto the table. 

“Do you think I care about that little bit of tea?”  

Although it was just a casual conversation, it made Grandpa angry. He suddenly stood up, raised his cane, and pointed at Tang Cuo, saying, “Don’t think that just because I liked you before, you can be with him. Let me tell you, I will never agree to this, even if I die!” He snorted, “Two men, one teacher and one student—what kind of picture does that paint?” 

As the old man said, what kind of situation is this. Tang Cuo could even feel the vibrations from the cane on the floor. 

He didn’t know how to react to this sudden outburst. Just as he was about to speak, he saw Tang Xu frowning and saying, “Grandpa, if you want to yell at someone, yell at me. It’s my parents who want to see Si Hang. He’s still a guest in our house today.”

 “A guest?” The old man’s face became even more angry when he heard this. “Did I say I wanted to invite him? Do I not have a say in this house anymore?”

 Tang Cuo saw the old man’s face turning red and was afraid that he might be harmed by his anger. He opened his mouth to apologize, but was stopped by Tang Xu. Tang Xu gave him a look, telling him to stay calm.

 The old man was still angry; he picked up his thin coat and pounded on the ground as he walked towards the door, saying, “Fine, you guys eat; I’m leaving. I can’t control it; can’t I just not see it and not be annoyed?”

 “Grandpa,” Tang Xu grabbed him, his face full of helplessness, “it’s been so long, I thought you would have come to your senses. I won’t give in on this matter. If you don’t compromise at all, will our grandfather-grandson relationship be ruined over this?”

 “I won’t compromise!” The old man stared at him, then glanced at Tang Cuo, realizing that the two in front of him were getting angrier the more he looked at them. He then lifted his cane and swung it at Tang Xu, saying, “I’ve introduced so many good girls to you, but you’re not happy. You had to cause such a scene. You just want to make me angry to death!”

 The old man had a military background and never went easy on people when he fought.

 It was the middle of summer, and Tang Xu was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. When the old man swung his cane, Tang Xu’s arm immediately turned red.

 “Hey!” Tang Cuo shouted and rushed to Tang Xu’s side, shielding him behind him and confronting the old man who was still holding the cane.

 “What are you doing? Do you want to take the hit for him too?” The old man snorted coldly, sneering arrogantly and contemptuously. “I’ve said that I don’t agree. Don’t try to play a sympathy card with me; it’s useless.”

 Tang Cuo was at a loss for words and not good at arguing with people, especially with someone of this age. He pursed his lips and turned around to check on Tang Xu’s injury. After seeing it clearly, he was overwhelmed with pain in his heart.

 He stared at the old man with an unwilling look and moved his lips, saying, “If you don’t agree, you don’t agree. Why hit someone?”

 The old man was stunned by these words and forgot to shout back.

 It was supposed to be a serious and tense moment, but Tang Xu laughed and even quietly pressed Tang Cuo’s hand.

 After they finished eating and came out, Tang Cuo leaned his head against the car window and asked Tang Xu with some regret, “Did I mess it up?…”

 Tang Xu smiled and leaned over to buckle his seat belt, saying, “No, you see, the old man stayed home and ate in the end. That’s giving us a lot of face.”

 “But when we said goodbye to Grandpa just now, he still didn’t pay attention to us.”

 “Well, we have to give the old man some time to adapt,” Tang Xu said. “After all, when he brought you here, he treated you like a child, and, on top of that, we still have a teacher-student relationship. I’m just grateful that he can maintain this attitude.”

 Tang Cuo twisted his mouth, trying to force a smile but failing.

 “As long as he doesn’t hit you again in the future,” Tang Cuo carefully examined the redness and swelling on Tang Xu’s arm. “Does it hurt?”

 “No, it doesn’t,” Tang Xu shook his head and said with a light laugh, “it’s nothing compared to the beatings I’ve taken since I was a child.”

 Hearing this, Tang Cuo remembered how Tang Xu had avoided him for several days after being beaten, and he leaned against the car seat, holding his arms and not saying a word.

 Tang Xu knew what he was angry about and tried to please him by scratching his chin. “Still angry? I was afraid you would worry. Look, when you saw Grandpa hitting me with a stick earlier, you argued with him face-to-face. If you had seen it earlier, wouldn’t you have reported him to the neighbourhood committee?”

 It’s not good when the humour is low; you can even argue happily with people.

 Tang Cuo laughed, showing his white teeth, and then asked, “Did you always get beaten up before? Why?”

 “Well, when I was young, I was in the same faction as Lu Chengwei. There was no one in the entire compound who was more mischievous than the two of us. But in middle school, I was beaten into a model student.”

 The description is too contrasting with his perception of Tang Xu, and Tang Cuo couldn’t imagine it. He felt that even if Tang Xu was mischievous at that time, he should have been especially good. Since he couldn’t see the young Tang Xu, he asked the current Tang Xu to tell him about it: how to skip school, how to get caught, how to climb over walls to play video games, and how to get beaten.

 Tang Cuo had been laughing happily, but he suddenly fell silent when he heard about Tang Xu’s experience of being beaten.

 “What’s wrong?” 

 After thinking for a moment, Tang Cuo asked, “Do you know about his situation?”

 It took Tang Xu a while to realize that the “his” in question referred to someone specific.

 There seemed to be a traffic accident ahead on the road, and it was causing a long jam even though it was late at night. He shifted to neutral and turned to look at Tang Xu.

 “Actually, I’ve been keeping an eye out over there, afraid that he might come looking for trouble with you.”

 Tang Cuo didn’t expect Tang Xu to say this and looked at him in surprise.

 “He died of illness a few years ago; he didn’t even go to the hospital.”

 As if someone had pressed pause, Tang Cuo hung his head and stared at his legs for a long time.

Tang Xu grabbed his hand and pressed it against the gear lever. Tang Cuo was distracted by this somewhat strange way of holding hands, and he played along, opening and closing his hand, following Tang Xu’s lead.

 “Don’t think about him anymore.” Tang Xu pressed his wrist, and his five fingers slipped into Tang Cuo’s fingers. “At best, he is just an unrelated person who caused you harm.”

 Tang Cuo looked at their hands and murmured, “Mm.”

 The traffic jam eased up a bit, and Tang Xu held Tang Cuo’s hand and pushed the gearshift. The car slowly slid forward, and their postures remained unchanged. Tang Cuo looked out the window, his expression still calm.

 “What about… my birth mother?” Tang Cuo asked, moving his hand. “Did her family take her home?”

 “I went to the police later and asked about that. They took her home,” Tang Xu replied.

 “Oh.” Tang Cuo nodded slowly, as if he were thinking and hesitating at the same time.

 “Do you think I can go see her?” 

 Tang Xu expected that Tang Cuo must have some kind of plan, and he met his trusting gaze, slightly pulling the corners of his mouth: “Do you want to go?” 

 “I don’t know.” Tang Cuo frowned and thought for a moment, shaking his head. “I was thinking that she probably wouldn’t want to see me, but then I thought if she knew I wasn’t that bad, would she feel a little better?” 

 Tang Xu considered his words and then heard Tang Cuo continue: “But if you hate someone, even if that person becomes better, you wouldn’t feel even a little bit happy, would you?” 

 Tang Cuo’s gaze was a bit nervous but also carried an indescribable expectation.

 Tang Xu slightly tightened his hand and rubbed it twice before slowly speaking, “Maybe you’re not what she expected, but you’re definitely not someone she hates now.”

“Really?” Tang Cuo asked, his eyes shining.

 “Well, at least she’ll feel like she didn’t save you in vain.” Tang Xu replied.

 Tang Cuo looked away for a moment before nodding, “Okay, I want to go see her.”

 “Alright,” Tang Xu replied, “I’ll ask someone to find out where she’s buried, and I’ll accompany you when we go.”

 “Um,” Tang Cuo murmured, adding, “We need to buy flowers.”

 “Sure.”

 After thinking for a moment, Tang Cuo added, “Buy the most expensive and biggest ones.”

 Tang Xu smiled and agreed.

 The car moved slowly and stopped frequently. After waiting for a long time for the obstacles ahead to be completely cleared, Tang Xu lightly raised his index finger and pointed to Tang Cuo’s hand, saying, “Put it in gear and give it some gas.”

 At the end of July, Tang Cuo was preparing to leave for the United States. He said he didn’t want to see Tang Xu leave, so he insisted on not letting him send him off and would take the plane by himself.

 He sat cross-legged on the bed, watching Tang Xu pack his suitcase.

 “I wrote down a few simple recipes for you and put them in the suitcase. If you can’t eat the food there, just cook something yourself or go to a Chinese restaurant. The Chinese restaurant may be a bit expensive, but don’t be stingy…”

 Perhaps because he was about to leave, Tang Cuo had been feeling down for the past few days. He would just lie on the bed, burying his face in the familiar lemon-scented sheets, not saying a word no matter what Tang Xu asked him.

 Tang Xu shook his head and smiled, throwing away what was in his hand and lying down next to him.

 “What’s wrong?”

 Tang Cuo turned his head slightly, revealing one eye looking at him.

 Tang Xu rubbed his head. “I’ll come visit you whenever I have time.”

 “I don’t want to leave,” Tang Cuo muttered.

 Two days later, the straight-line distance between him and Tang Xu would be counted in tens of thousands of kilometres.

 Tang Cuo pulled out a world map from his phone and showed it to Tang Xu. Tang Xu scanned it with his eyes, stopping at two small red stars and a red line connecting them.

 “We’re separated by an ocean, and there’s a twelve-hour time difference between us,” Tang Cuo complained, ticking off the physical conditions that would separate them. “We don’t have any common nights or afternoons, and we can’t discuss what to eat in the morning or at night. We can’t even say goodnight to each other. When you’re going to bed, I’ve already gotten up, and when I’m going to bed, you’ve already gotten up.”

 Tang Xu listened patiently and chuckled lightly after he finished.

 “Despite the ocean between us, airplanes can fly over it. As for the time difference, I keep my phone on for 24 hours for you. You can call me anytime you want, and my sleep quality is good. I can chat with you for an hour in the middle of my sleep and continue sleeping after we finish, so the time difference doesn’t exist for us,” Tang Xu gently pulled on Tang Cuo’s newly cut hair and calmly explained. “I will still tell you what I eat, what I do, and say goodnight to you before bed, and you should do the same. Moreover, even though we experience different moments, think about it: we are still looking at the same sun and moon.”

 Tang Cuo really thought about it seriously, but he shook his head and leaned towards Tang Xu, saying, “But you see the sun and moon before me.”

 Tang Xu lightly lifted his chin and gave him a kiss.

 “Then I’ll tell the sun how much I miss you, and tell the moon how much I love you. You have to remember to receive it.”

 Tang Cuo was taken aback for a moment, but immediately smiled.

 So sometimes, sweet words are a necessity in life, an instant cure for emotions.

 He hugged Tang Xu and asked, “Why not tell the sun how much you love me and tell the moon how much you miss me? Obviously, it’s more suitable for yearning at night.”

 Tang Xu also embraced him, holding onto his smile and the eyes that were infused with that smile.

 “Because I miss you too much, I’m afraid if I tell the moon, you’ll have to read all night and can’t sleep.”

 But if I tell you during the day, you probably won’t bear my longing and will also feel the same longing. That way, you can study well and come back soon.

 At night, remember that I love you, and have a whole night of sweet dreams.