December

“No, I still have a week to go”

I was careless. I couldn’t believe that the smell of my pheromones would already be so intense… No wonder, the Alpha I met this morning followed me off the train. When I realized it, I felt awful and closed my eyes. It was my first time. Probably, relieving myself all night harmed my pheromones. Well, it was my first time being this excited about someone. However, that specific someone was standing in front of me, and was worried. I should leave.

“Are you okay?”

Kim Shin asked for the second time. Without making eye contact, I turned to the side. While I was busy criticizing myself, I didn’t notice Kim Shin nervously licking his lips.

“Yeah. It’s not like I just can’t stand it. Maybe, it’s just temporary. I have suppressants with me, so I can have it.”

I was about to go inside to get my suppressants, but he grabbed my arm again.

“No. It’s too dangerous inside.”

“It’s okay since all of the employees are Betas and they can’t smell my pheromones…”

“There are guests in the hall.”

It was more difficult to refute because he cut off his words firmly. Was I emitting too much pheromone? Worriedly, I stared at the person to tell me, but he looked at me and then swiveled his head away before removing his hand.

“I’ll bring you the suppressants. You can head to the warehouse to be safe.”

The warehouse was the most dangerous right now. I couldn’t bear to tell the truth. I couldn’t help but come up with a pitiful excuse.

“Since we are still on the clock, we can go in first and then….”

“Yeonwoo Sunbae.”

Kim Shin beckoned my name as if he was warning me. Like an elementary school student who was scolded by a teacher, I had no choice but to head to the warehouse. As soon as I entered, the first thing I noticed was the wall against which Shin was standing. I forcibly turned my head. Fuck. I sat there blankly trying not to think, then I picked up my clothes and sniffed them.

My clothes didn’t smell. But rather it reeked of the kitchen and the chill of winter. Just in case, I unbuttoned a few buttons on my shirt and smelled my skin. Since the kitchen was hot because of all the stoves, I usually pulled the uniform over my naked body instead of wearing something underneath. So whenever I left the restaurant, I usually wore my overcoat but today I was only wearing my uniform.

Since it was quite cold in the warehouse, when I unbuttoned my shirt, the chills overtook my body. I shrugged my shoulders and lowered my head to try to smell myself, yet there was nothing evident. After sniffing a few more times, I gave up and lifted my head, but the door opened. Shin entered and started talking in a soft tone.

“I informed them that you weren’t feeling good.”

After he said that, he held out a plastic bag of suppressants. It wasn’t mine. Whose was it? I asked with my eyes.

“Mine. I eat them too.”

Dominant Alphas have suppressants? It was obvious that since it was a drug used to suppress one’s pheromones, it was expected that Alphas take them too; however, there was never an instance where I saw them do it. They just had to call a recessive Omega whenever their ruts arrived. It was their legally permitted privilege. Seeing my doubts, he smiled gently.

“Not all dominant Alphas are shitty. Since there’s nothing much to do in the kitchen, they allowed you to take a rest and head home after…”

As Kim Shin spoke, he suddenly stopped and fixed his gaze on one spot. He followed the place slightly below my neck. I lowered my head to check and realized that there were still a few buttons on my shirt that were left open. Swiftly, I grabbed my clothes as if to cover my skin with my hands. He bit his lower lip and turned his head to the side.

“I was checking if I smelled. I can’t smell myself well, you know?”

“Yeonwoo Sunbae.”

Kim Shin called my name. His eyes that met mine, darkened. A low-toned voice asked as if he was holding back.

“Can I help you?”

Even though I was only in the warehouse for a few minutes, I thought the cold inside the warehouse was enough to cool off any remaining stimulation. No, I wasn’t excited anymore. So I believed that my pheromones had stopped emitting. But that wasn’t the case.

My heart skipped a beat at his question, and a ball of desire formed in my lower stomach as if electricity were zooming through my veins. Of course, it wasn’t enough to make me lose my reason. It was just embarrassing, and it felt like it would subside once the cold took hold of me again. However, I couldn’t answer rationally. All I did was hold my breath.

“Sorry.”

I turned his head and muttered an apology. He added, shaking his head loudly as usual.

“I just…”

“How will you…?”

A question came out of my mouth, and I realized what it implied only after. Kim Shin looked back at me. I was shocked, and immediately turned my head and apologized.

“Sorry.”

I hid my face avoiding him, but soon the crawling heat made me blush. What the hell did I say? I was in a situation where I didn’t want help to deal with my situation yet I ended up asking how he would help me.

“Hey, I’m not asking for help…”

“I will do it by hand.”

As he answered, he approached me and sat down on one knee. My eyes met his, and I held my breath again. With his hand?

“I want to do it with my mouth, but I’m afraid Sunbae wouldn’t like it.”

“I rather you do it with your hand…No, what I mean is…”

I lowered my head and put my hand to my forehead, trying to cover my face. I was so ashamed that I didn’t even know what I was saying, so I couldn’t raise my eyes because everything I was saying was gibberish. I wanted to run away, but as if he noticed what I was thinking, he stretched out his arm to the box where I was sitting and blocked my way. But I was more concerned about his arm being so close to my waist. My heart beat louder.

“If you don’t like it, I won’t touch you anywhere else. I won’t do anything you won’t like.”

Kim Shin wasn’t being friendly. Rather, his tone was blunt, as he was controlling himself. Yet I felt more placated by him. If I said I hated everything here and told him to leave, it seemed he would nod his head and leave. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him to leave.

“…What about you?”

Should I be the only one receiving it?  I asked but I was still unable to raise his eyes. I didn’t hear him answer for a while. But perhaps because the warehouse was so quiet, his breathing was exceptionally clear to my ears. But soon, his low-pitched voice filled my head again.

“If it’s okay, I want to do it together with you.”

Together. Before I could even process what this word meant, my body started to heat up. It was still cold in the warehouse, but I couldn’t feel the cold anymore. The heat spread as did my embarrassment. How does ‘together’ work? Normally, it would be easy to know, but my head was so stiff that I couldn’t come up with it.

“Can I-I do it with my hands?”

The last word ‘hands’ was mumbled so low that I could barely pronounce it. It was a simple question, but I was embarrassed since I was the older one of us yet I was asking how I participate in these ‘together’ activities.

“I’ll do it.”

“How?”

I raised my eyes in surprise, and my eyes met with the one right in front of me. The desire was clearly visible in his eyes.

“We will hold ours together.”

Hold ours together…When I remembered what shape he was, I lowered my head again. Wow, what do we do? Only question marks came to mind, but I couldn’t think rationally. I bowed my head without waiting for him to answer. A voice came right in my ear.

“Yeonwoo Sunbae, can I hold your hand?”

Holding hands was fine. We were only holding hands. I thought blankly and nodded. But after a while, I realized that I was wrong. It wasn’t just holding hands. He grabbed my hand that covered my face and pulled it down. I wasn’t sure how to hold his hand, so I gave strength to my arm at the moment, but it was nothing compared to his hands.

As if my shield had disappeared, I turned my head to the side, not knowing where to look. I thought it would be okay if I didn’t see him if I didn’t see my hand which he held. But because I couldn’t see him properly, I could feel his hands holding me.

It was hot. The palms of his hands touched me like a ball of fire at first. I could sense my hands feeling warm. However, my skin soon got used to the warmth and his skin. It was just his hand, but I didn’t know why my heart was pounding as my skin brushed his.

Even my hands thumped as if my heart had moved to them. All my nerves were focused on my hands. No, I was conscious of his stare hovering over my face. However, soon all the senses were focused on his hand. The fingers held me gently which slowly inched to rub the inside of my palm in a circle.

Kim Shin didn’t really apply any force, but electricity flowed through my whole body. I shuddered with tension. I felt embarrassed as he must have felt my reaction clearly through the hand he held. I tried to yank my hand away again, but I couldn’t budge away from his hold. A whisper was heard.

“No?”

It’s okay, I mumbled the answer. He might have heard it, but I guess he didn’t. The grip on my hand was strong. Then he took my hand and brought it to his lips. At first, when my hands moved, I looked at him but my heart jumped sharply when his lips touched my palms. However, the heart that rose high fell back to the floor at high speed.

Kim Shin raised his eyes and looked at me with his lips on the palm of my hand. For a moment, it felt like only he and I were left in the world. Hair stood all over his body and I couldn’t even pull his hand. His eyes were full of emotions, so no, it must have been my mistake. I didn’t know why I was so captivated by the sight, and my insides churned. I could only ask a question.

“Why?”