December

However, Kim Shin ignored my resistance gently and wiped my genitals with his shirt, as well as all the fluids that splattered on my clothes, before he let go of me. Embarrassed, I quickly put on my underwear and straightened my clothes, but his movements caught my attention. He was rubbing his hands on his shirt.

Then he slowly rubbed his shirt up on his still half-standing genitals. What was it? The heat rose to my face. He was looking at me as he wiped his genitals. Whether it was because my arousal had subsided, and my body trembled belatedly from the coolness of the warehouse. Maybe it was because of his gaze.

“Yeonwoo, you can leave now.”

At the words of the sous chef, I stopped what I was doing and froze for a while. I didn’t even know how much time had already passed. Shin came out of the warehouse a long time after me, and we never bumped into each other or faced each other throughout the entire workday. But, as if there was no one else in the kitchen, I became conscious of him and all of my attention focused on him.

Fortunately, there was a lot of cleanup to do, so I had to focus on my work as if I were running away. But I was already off work. So I got up like a robot, nodded, and went to the cramped dressing room without looking back. I didn’t mean to avoid him, but I didn’t know what to say when I saw him, so I wanted to put it off for the moment.

But he helped me, but it wasn’t polite to ghost him like this. He even took off his clothes and wiped off all the dirt. So I changed all my part-time job clothes and waited anxiously for him to come, but only other employees rushed into the narrow locker room and went outside.

“Oh, it’s so cold. Huh? Yeonwoo oppa, aren’t you going?”

A part-time student came out the door and asked, and I smiled vaguely and said, ‘Yeah. You can go first.’ I skipped answering. As she waved her hand cutely and saw her off with my eyes, I heard the sound of her door again. Fortunately, this time it was Shin. As I anxiously waited for him, I imagined some of his reactions. Awkwardly avoiding my gaze, acting normally as if it were no big deal, or avoiding him again. Nine times out of ten I imagined him feeling uncomfortable because of me.

“Yeonwoo Sunbae.”

But in reality, he was different. He came looking straight at me. The voice calling my name sounded gentle and pleasant, and the gaze toward me was warm. For a moment, a strange feeling of relief spread over me, and I was about to burst into tears. He wasn’t avoiding me, at least he didn’t seem to regret that moment.

Maybe I was scared but also greedy. I didn’t want to lose his kindness and warm gaze. I wanted to keep watching him. Before I knew it, I realized that I wanted to stay by his side instead of pushing him away.

Of course, it was not that I was greedy for a dominant Alpha. He was only helping Omega, and I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable by giving it a big meaning. I can’t be mistaken. I didn’t want to cling to his kindness if I wanted to stay by his side, a dominant Alpha. I gulped, warning myself.

“Did you wait?”

“Yeah. I wanted to greet you goodbye.”

I couldn’t bear to bring up the situation that happened at the warehouse, so I smiled softly as if nothing was wrong. His expression seemed to be still for a moment, but as if it were my imagination, he wrapped his hands around my back and walked in the same direction as me.

“Are you taking the bus?”

“You are not going to ride with me, are you?”

“No, I will ride the bus with you today.”

Kim Shin spoke firmly and led me. I didn’t say a word all the way to the bus stop with him. The night breeze was cold, and I couldn’t stop myself from being covered in the cold wind even when I crouched and bunched my clothes, but through the cold air, I felt the scent and warmth of Shin walking next to me. Arriving at an empty bus stop, I worded a rehearsed greeting. Still, he looked at my face properly. My voice came out quite calmly.

“Thank you for helping me earlier.”

I hadn’t heard an answer from him for a while. He just looked down at me. He moved his lips as if to say something, but then he lowered his gaze and shook his head.

“I needed you too, Sunbae.”

Need. This word suddenly reminded me of pheromone partners. That’s right, he was a dominant Alpha who could call the recessive Omega Service any time he needed it. So that was why maybe he helped me easily…Then, breaking through my thoughts, he added.

“It was my first time.”

“What?”

I didn’t understand what he was saying right away, so I asked blankly. He said one word as if it were not a big deal.

“All of it.”

I couldn’t sleep again. I stayed up all night really awake. I kept asking the same question over and over again in a daze. Why? Why is this his first time? After hearing Shin’s confession last night, the bus came right away, so we parted leaving me bamboozled. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even remember how I got off the bus and got home.

Shin is a dominant Alpha. They could legally use Omega services, but he was new to everything?… He said it, but was it his first time using his hands? However, when he confessed, the word ‘all of it’ meant that everything we did was included. So, it implied that in every rut he had, he controlled himself using suppressants.

My head went blank for a while. Yes, of course, it was possible. Even among Alphas, some lived like Betas by eating suppressants, claiming that suppressing desire proved that humans were rational animals. Was Shin like that? No, it couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like him at all.. Rather, the hypothesis that they didn’t sleep with all kinds of Omega because they were not satisfied was more plausible.

…Was it like that? But why did he help me? Suddenly, I realized that there was an answer to this question. Right, he was only helping me. When I realized it, everything became simple. I didn’t know for what reason he didn’t use the Omega service, but what he did with me at the warehouse was to help me. Maybe so that he could pay me back for helping my nephew at the library.

Kim Shin was a good person and my Hoobae. He was so handsome, and his personality was charming. Even though, dominant Alphas seemed to be from another world and felt more like an unapproachable being. However, he grabbed our genitals together at the warehouse…My heart sank as I remembered the incident from yesterday. Just thinking about it made the heat spread through my body.

“Yeonwoo.”

I raised my head in amazement at my name. Deokjin, who was coming towards me, asked in surprise.

“What, why are you so surprised? Are you having dirty thoughts?”

In a different sense, my heart sank. He pouted his lips at me, who was stiff and added.

“Well, for someone who eats suppressants so badly, what kind of dirty thoughts would you have?”

I didn’t eat any yesterday.

“You’re not even interested in a dominant Alpha.”

All I could think of was the dominant alpha. Due to the stress of finding a job, as if he became a human tarot, he could guess my displeased state. Tired of lying to him, I quickly changed the subject.

“No classes today?”

“I have one in the afternoon. Now, major books.”

Deokjin took a book out of his bag and held it out. This book was the purpose of waiting for him at the school fast food outlet today. I took a light look inside. It was clean. Deokjin was slightly embarrassed.

“I originally used the book cleanly.”

“It’s a whole new book.”

“…At that time, I was a bit of a wanderer.”

I didn’t ask because I thought it would be useless wandering. But the person in emphasis was Deokjin. So he blabbered on his own.

“When I was in high school, I studied a bit and was told that I was good, but when I came to college, all the fucking Alphas took the lead, and I couldn’t even jab at them. Do I look like I won’t wander?”

Fearing that the blabbering would be lengthy, I answered ‘yes’.

“So I thought about it. I wonder if I could be an Alpha too.”

I was a little surprised that it was more useless than expected. Seeing my expression, he quickly added.

“Well, I didn’t think of becoming an Alpha through hormone therapy or surgery. Precisely, I suspected that I was a super dominant alpha, and I hadn’t awakened yet.”

“On what basis?”

“Just. Can’t you dream?”

Indeed. I nodded in agreement. That’s right. It could be dreamed. No matter how cool and good a dominant Alpha was, I could be his lover in my dreams. Rather, I was surprised by the realization that sprang up in an instant. A lover. If someone was a pheromone partner, they couldn’t dream of being a lover. How could I be Shin’s…pheromone partner? While I was lost in my thoughts, Deokjin, who brought the drink I ordered, started chatting.

“It would be nice to have those born as dominant Alphas. What I envy is their physical ability and confidence. They really take it for granted that they are great. No matter where I go, I am the best. With this mindset, they never get discouraged. I’m dying like this because I can’t find a job, but they are very relaxed even if they can’t find a job. I would die of envy.”

Keep going, keep going. Deokjin made a noise and drank the drink through a straw. So there were some things that I couldn’t accept about what he said.

“Dominant alphas are people too. No matter how innately confident you are, once it collapses, it may be more difficult to recover.”

“How are they going to collapse?”

Well, just look at Cho Sungkyun.

“Oh right. Cho Sungkyun collapsed!”

As if remembering, Deokjin suddenly shouted.

“Hey, Sungkyun’s teeth, they say those weren’t pulled by a dentist.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know who pulled it out but all I know, it wasn’t by a dentist.”

“Did he receive any treatment?”

Deokjin laughed as if it was absurd.

“Haha, hey, it’s not a dentist, so what…kind of treatment would it be?”

“Braces are a bit expensive though.”

Expensive. Deokjin admitted it but soon refuted it.

“Do you know how bagged his family is?”

“It’s not that he can’t save a bit of money just because he’s crazy rich.”

“That’s right.”

Deokjin agreed again but tilted his head.

“Weird. I thought they said he has gone half-insane”

“Maybe it was because he couldn’t stand the pain very well.”

“How do you know that?”

I drank but looked down at my coffee and replied.

“When I was almost beaten by him, I bit his arms and he ran away immediately after that.”

Deokjin was blank and he looked at me. I held the coffee in my hand, but it cooled down before I knew it, and I lost the will to drink it.

“There wasn’t even blood, but it was very severe.”

Actually, this was a lie. I just wanted to shock Deokjin. At that time, it was unknown whether he was crazy, bleeding, or not, and whether his terrifying shouts mixed with profanity were awful or not. But as time went by, I slowly forgot. It was for the good, but on the other hand, I was ashamed of myself for hiding my scars with bravado.

“Oh, that, yes. You can see he is the strongest just by looking at him. But it is how they say not to judge a book by its cover so he might be really weak inside. A really strong person never touts his own horn like that. Cho Sungkyun even fooled you, making you think he was a good person. You noticed that Cho Sungkyun was strange from the beginning.”

“I did?”