I am Destined to Die

Just when I thought he was going to cry, I heard a smiling voice.

“You know what, Shin Hajae-ssi?”

The hand that covered his face was withdrawn, revealing the long upturned corners of his mouth.

“I was going to let you go if you resented me.”

He’s smiling. As if he finds that very interesting.

“But instead of resenting me, you’re comforting me.”

What… is it? I thought he was depressed. Of course, I had misunderstood and comforted him in my own way, but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d been played. I frowned at this unspeakable offense.

“Did you… just trick me?”

“No, I didn’t. I meant everything I just said, I’m just… curious.”

Simeon said curiously, his gaze drifting to the side as he pondered something.

”I thought you didn’t like me?”

“…I don’t hate you.”

“Really?”

“But I don’t like you either.”

Simeon narrowed his eyes at the bluntness of that statement.

“What can I say?”

Still, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“I can’t give up on Shin Hajae-ssi anymore after today.”

He was going to let me go if I resented him? …He lied. You would have trapped me somehow. No, you already knew I wouldn’t complain.

Suddenly, I remembered playing chess with him in this very room, and Simeon had deliberately given me a path to the queen to see how I would react. I didn’t want to miss my chance to capture the queen, so I jumped in, even though I knew it was a trap.

This is what it looks like now. Simeon took a deliberate step back, and I took a step forward, feeling weak at the sight of his self-pity. I’d lost this tug-of-war with him just as badly as I’d lost the chess match.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to beat him one day?

“Did you ever really think about letting go?”

“Yes. I was really going to let go …at least from this cage.”

“Would you believe me if I said that?”

I asked bluntly, and Simeon only laughed. How shallow of him. Then Simeon pulled something out of an obscure table drawer and thrust it at me.

“Here, take this.”

The paper, rolled up and tied with a red ribbon, looked like old parchment. I untied the ribbon and unfolded it to reveal a yellowed, faded piece of paper with the image of a white monster, Fenex. I was sure it was Fenex when I saw the long, cursive line underneath.

“This… Is this real?”

“Yep. It’s the same A-rank artifact that you stopped the rampage.”

<The fifth page torn from the Codex Gigas>

The texture resembles thick vellum, and the writing smells like ink. But there was not a drop of blood on it. It’s said that after becoming an artifact, it makes you immune to damage, but it seems that even though it’s just a piece of paper, it’s impervious to blood.

“But why are you giving this to me?”

“Because of your merit.”

“Don’t you need it more than I do?”

“I thought so, but… coincidentally, that’s not what I was looking for.”

What were you looking for? I thought you were collecting various artifacts. Now that I think about it, the person who asked me to bid once said this. There’s a group that only collects cursed artifacts. If it’s the Apostle, it must have a special reason for collecting cursed artifacts.

After a moment of questioning, Simeon spoke without pause.

“Besides, it recognizes you as its owner, so keep it or sell it, it’s up to you, Shin Hajae-ssi.”

Wait. An A-rank artifact is mine?

A D-rank artifact, the Breath of the Firebird, was being auctioned off for 150 million. Even artifacts with multiple copies around the world were worth that much. However, the value of a single A-rank artifact, even if it’s just a few pages, is immeasurable.

“Even if you told me to keep this…….”

I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. If I sold it to just anyone, the countries that own <Codex Gigas> would come after me, and if I put it up for auction, I’d have rich people bidding on it. I came to the conclusion that it was best to keep it quiet, even though it was a waste.

As I struggled with the artifact alone, Simeon spoke at a leisurely pace.

“A member of Apostle will be here soon to heal your leg.”

“A member of Apostle?”

I’m curious to know who he is, but there’s no guarantee he’ll do me any favors. Simeon shakes his head slowly and reassured me.

“Don’t worry, he likes people.”

He likes people…. It’s like introducing a guild member to a dog. Still, if he’s telling the truth, I’m a little relieved. A bodyguard who ignores me a hundred times or someone who gives me sleeping pills with an innocent look on her face and says, “Uh-oh.” I can’t stand them.

“I’ll get you something to eat in the meantime.”

Simeon, who had been pulling the blanket up to my waist to cover me, stopped as if something had suddenly occurred to him.

“Oh, and….”

Calm black eyes swept across my face, stopping at my neck.

“I promised to tell you the conditions for the leash to be off.”

“Oh…!”

In my frenzy, I’d forgotten the most important thing. I could finally take the leash off. Of course, I still don’t know what the conditions will be, but it’s only a matter of time before I’m free from his grasp. At least I’ll be able to do it on my terms.

As I wait with bated breath, he slouches back in a deliberate pause. Before I knew it, his face was within inches of mine. His eyes, as still as a lake, reflected my face, which was stiff with tension. His thin lips parted as he swallowed hard.

”When you don’t think about me anymore.”

“…What?”

“That’s when the <crown of atonement> will be off.”

…What? I immediately doubted my ears. I thought I must have misheard him, hearing him speak so close to me, but the twitch of Simeon’s lips told me that I had heard and understood him correctly.

“W, what kind of term is this?”

“Why, isn’t it in your favor?”

Simeon said, savoring the look of bewilderment on my face.

“When you love someone, or hate someone, you can’t get them out of your head, no matter what you do, no matter where you are, you can’t get them out of your mind …plus the love-hate feelings of the two combined.”

A wistful glint flickered briefly in his inky black eyes, but it passed quickly.

”On the other hand, it’s pretty easy to forget someone you don’t have any feelings for.”

“So what exactly are you trying to say?”

Simeon smirked softly as an ominous feeling of impatience overcame him.

“You said you neither like nor dislike me, didn’t you?”

“That…….”

“Well, this should settle down quickly then.”

The soft whisper dragged me down into a pit of despair.

I get it now. Why Simeon was always smiling approvingly at my leash. I’ve been proving it all along by keeping this uncomfortable collar on. I’m thinking of you. That I hadn’t forgotten you for a moment, that the thoughts were telling you, one way or another, whether in love or hate, that you had a place in my head, and that the collar would never come off.

”Really… Why are you doing this to me?”

Crazy guy. My brother, who was once like family, but that one word was all that came to mind.

“I know I look like him.”

“Wait a minute.”

“But you said he wasn’t important, that it was an illusion, then why do you want to keep me around like this?”

“I’ll make you something to eat, like porridge.”

“Are you going to leave without telling me and take it out on me instead?”

“It’s not like you have no appetite, right?”

The conversation just doesn’t work. He’s deliberately ignoring anything to do with ‘John’. I call out to Simeon, who turns on his heel and heads for the door.

“Hey!”

Fortunately, he stops walking. But he doesn’t look back at me. I try to get up, but one of my legs won’t budge. The pain only intensifies, but it doesn’t get any better. I exhale harshly in frustration and stare at the back of his head until I hear a calm voice say.

“Heo-sang.”

“I’m not going to call you that.”

He wants to correct me on his name?

Simeon turned his head just in time for me to chuckle at the absurdity of it all, and I forgot everything I wanted to say the moment our eyes met. The eyes looking back at me were the eyes of him, the eyes I used to see on my way back to the church after a day of fun and games.

“You sang so well earlier.”

With a low chuckle, Simeon left the room.

You said it was an illusion. You said it wasn’t important. You said you weren’t looking for him. But why are you doing this? What are you doing this for? What are you trying to get out of me…

If you’re angry that John left you, take it out on me, and I’ll say it’s my fault, my fault, and I’ll humbly accept it. But why are you so nice to me, why do you stay by my side for four days, why do you insist on being called by your first name, why do you make the porridge for me?

” …Don’t be nice.”

Don’t even smile as if you’re enjoying the situation with me.

“Please… Resent me…….”

I’d rather you hate me. It’s so much easier that way.

I feel like I’m in a maze with no way out. The unprovoked affection felt more difficult than hatred. The more I think about him, the more the vines grow thornier. The vines grow thornier and thornier, never letting me forget him.

Does he know? Why I can’t reveal my identity. Or why I can’t tell him about the curse.