I am Destined to Die

Are you talking about the coastal cliff in front of the cathedral. It’s a place I went alone because I didn’t want to worry you whenever I was in a complicated state of mind, but I think Heo-sang always followed secretly and watched it. Simeon said, looking out at the cliff outside the window that looked particularly similar to the place.

“It was a cliff in front of me, but I wasn’t particularly scared. All I could think about was jumping off like I was possessed by something. But… he suddenly appeared and blocked me.”

Simeon’s countenance grew darker and darker as he recalled the time.

“I ignored it and tried to jump, but he just stuck his foot out in the air. It looked like he would jump first if I moved one more step. Ever since, he’s always been following me in whatever dangerous behavior I do …With a very bright smile, like he was telling me to.”

Shaking his head helplessly, he smiled as if he had given up everything.

“It was like he was telling me that if I wanted to die, I had to kill him first.”

For Simeon, John’s hallucination was the reason for his decision to die, and the only reason why he could not die. On the other hand, I was relieved and anxious that his resolution was only attempted several times. Heo-sang was a person who never gave up and achieved his goal.

“So, I thought…I’ll erase him from my memory, even if it means to die.”

The black eyes that I thought were lifeless shone with determination. He was still wishing for death. Even if it meant removing all the memories, even the most glorious ones, the ones that were now poison.

“I’m looking for that way now. Fortunately, I was awakened by the misfortune, and it was not long before that.”

I was listening quietly, and an idea flashed through my mind. He wants to erase his memory of John and is looking for a way. And thanks to being an awakening, it’s not far off. This word meant only one thing.

“No way… Are you looking for a memory-erasing spirit?”

Erase the memory. Is there a spirit with such an unrealistic ability? No, it’s possible because it’s a gift. So far, the spirits have performed miracles that are not scientifically explained several times. Therefore, the spirit that erases memories is only unknown to the world, and it may exist somewhere.

So the real reason why Heo-sang became a hunter…

‘In the first place, the Apostles were founded by the Guild Leader to make the collection of spirit objects more efficient.’

Starting with Raphael’s words that suddenly came to mind, questions that had inadvertently passed by came to mind one by one.

Why did Simeon, who liked to be alone, set up a guild, and why he collected spirits without a break. And what was the meaning of what he said while willingly handing over the A-rank spirit to me.

‘Why are you giving this to me? Don’t you need it more than I do?’

‘I thought so, but unfortunately I wasn’t looking for it.’

Simeon has been looking for since he became a hunter. A spirit that can erase memories.

As soon as I was about to ask if my suspicions were correct, Simeon said, letting go of the hand he was holding lightly.

“I’m sorry, but it’s the Apostle’s internal secret there.”

A meaningful smile drew a definite line between us. His calm eyes seemed to warn me not to cross any further. If I forced myself to cross the line, I would never see him again.

Simeon smiled with satisfaction as I quietly closed my mouth, which was flinching to speak.

“I apologise for hurting you… and for overlapping him with Shin Hajae-ssi.”

“No, I don’t…”

“I don’t know why, but when I see Shin Ha-jae, I think of him. You don’t look exactly like him… Strangely, when you’re around, his hallucinations are getting blurred.”

Simeon has been looking for since he became a hunter. A spirit that can erase memories.

As soon as I was about to ask if my expectation was correct, Simeon said, letting go of the hand he was holding lightly.

“I’m sorry, but it’s the Apostle’s internal secret there.”

A meaningful smile drew a clear line between us. I’m here, you’re there. His calm eyes seemed to warn him not to come over any more. I felt like I would never see him again if I forced myself to cross the line.

Simeon smiled with satisfaction as he quietly closed his mouth, which was flinching to speak.

“I apologize for hurting you. Shin Hajae… And what I’ve seen on top of him.”

“No, I don’t…”

“I don’t know why, but when I see Shin Ha-jae, I think of him. You don’t look exactly like him… Strangely enough, when you’re around, his hallucinations get blurred.”

Is it because the atmosphere is similar to that of John? Or did you instinctively notice that I was the same person. I murmured, avoiding his eyes, as if his straight eyes were penetrating me.

“It’s just your imagination.”

“It didn’t matter if it was just me or anything.”

Simeon, who casually hit back, suddenly reached out to me. Somehow, I couldn’t avoid it even though he came so slowly, and I was able to avoid it enough. No, I didn’t want to avoid it, so I stayed still. Then Simeon paused before my eyes, as if to give him a last chance, and said,

“Wouldn’t I be greedy even if you were Shin Ha-jae? I’ve heard that I might not go crazy because of who I am.”
(TL/N: “신하재 씨 같아도 욕심나지 않겠어요? 내가 누군가로 인해서 미치 지 않을 수 있다는데.” I need help lol)

The black eyes, visible through his long fingers, were immersed in a somber light. I couldn’t find anything to say and closed my eyes, and soon his hand touched the wound on my forehead. The cold temperature shook my shoulders without realizing it. Nevertheless, the touch became a little bolder because it was not pushed away.

The fingers rubbing my forehead passed through my trembling eyelids, and slid down my hardened cheeks in tension, only to stop at my jaws. Raindrops, which were as cold as ice, seemed to flow down the skin and form on the jawline. Finally, all I could feel in the room where I couldn’t even hear his breath was his body temperature.

Just when he thought the touch was over, something cold soon touched my lips. When I opened my eyes, I could see Simeon’s face that was just around the corner. His eyes were not smiling at all, but his lips had a mean smile as usual.

“But that’s enough.”

“…Simeon.”

“I’m sorry to have dragged you into something unrelated.”

He seemed to have no regrets when he approached me and left. I was the only one who was absent-minded. Not knowing whether it was his lips or fingers that touched my lips, I stiffened like a tree frozen by frost on a winter night.

Simeon, on the other hand, told me everything and relaxed.

“Have you solved all your questions now? I think it was enough to pay for the injury.”

Not resolved. What exactly is his purpose, what is his plan to achieve it, and what happens to him when he finally succeeds and forgets all about John. It’s all questionable.

I won’t tell you easily, but I couldn’t back down like this. If there is a spirit that really erases memories, it is what I need most than anyone else. I must remove Heo-sang from my head before death comes to swallow me.

“Wait. I still have something to say…”

When I spoke urgently, the door burst open. Raphael, who was entering with his cell phone in his pocket, was delighted as soon as he saw Simeon sitting in his bed.

“Oh, guild leader!”

Raphael approached at a shuffling pace and immediately inquired about Simeon’s well-being.

“Are you all right? Anything hurt?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“Ha, that’s a relief. I was so worried. As you said, I kept this a secret from the other apostles, but I couldn’t keep it going. You don’t come out for two weeks, and there’s no sign of you eating. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if Ha-jae hadn’t helped me. “

While Raphael was talking nonstop, Simeon remained silent and listened to his thoughts. Soon afterwards, when he finished speaking with a deep sigh, Simeon opened his mouth with a smile as if he had waited.

“Thanks for thinking of me, but don’t engage unrelated people from now on.”

The tone of gentle exhortation sounded somewhat cold. I don’t think I’m going to say this to someone who sincerely worried about me, but I didn’t deserve to be part of ‘an unrelated person’.

Raphael glanced at me embarrassedly and gulped down his dry saliva.

“That’s… I’m sorry. But I really thought the guild leader….”

“What was the price of treating me?”

“What?”

“I was wondering what gemstone you used.”

When asked to cut off the flow, Raphael answered vaguely.

“…a black diamond gemstone.”

“Well. I’m glad it’s not rare. I’ll put it on the accounting team later.”

He didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Simeon’s nodding face was quite serious. But that’s even more hurtful. I don’t think he even give me a chance to worry in the first place.

After a while, Raphael’s voice came out of his mouth in an uncharacteristically low voice.

“I didn’t do it for compensation.”

“You haven’t forgotten the contract we made, have you?”

“That’s… No, but….”

I don’t know what the Apostle’s contract is, but Raphael didn’t complain anymore. The constant throbbing throat seemed to be forcibly swallowing what it wanted to say. But Simeon is still only looking. A face with no movement seemed like a person who didn’t know it was emotion.

“So, while I was away, was everything okay with the spirits?”

I can’t believe he’s talking about work right away… He was a person who was relentless to himself and to his colleagues. Before long, Raphael’s face was filled with despair. Contrary to expectations, the disappointment does not last long, and it seems that he has experienced this situation several times in the past.

“If you’re referring to the <Blue Hope>, it’s only a precursor.”

“That’s a relief.”

“It’s just… it was on the verge of a runaway, and three of the guards protecting the spirit fell down.”

“Were they injured?”

“No trauma, but they said he suddenly coughed up blood.”

<Blue Hope>. The name sounded familiar. Meanwhile, Simeon was trying to end the conversation as if his business had already ended.