I Tried To Escape Through Death

Calix had insisted on taking at least one maid to tend to me, but I had no reason for a maid after having lived alone for the past few years. Despite that, I was forced to have two people by my side to tend to me while at the Hertrio mansion. 

During the carriage trip, I was able to see the same sights that Calix would have seen seven years ago when he was 12 years old and coming to Troxia for the first time. 

What did he think of this boring road that only lead to wide fields and forest roads? 

“Come to think of it.”

I looked at the scenery outside of the carriage before turning my head towards Calix. 

“You said you’ve been to the Troxia estate before. Why did you come then?”

Calix closed the book he had been reading and looked up, his shadowed blue eyes lighting up. 

“…To Troxia?”

“Yes. You said you married me after arriving there.”

‘That was a blatant lie, of course.’

I didn’t bother to add that. At my words, Calix seemed to weigh his options for a moment, before tilting his head and smirking. 

“Secret.” 

“What?”

For no particular reason, I thought he’d tell me right away. Was there any reason serious enough for him to keep it a secret? 

When Calix first came to Troxia, I was too new to this world to care about… a boy who was to become a duke, who also just so happened to turn out to be one of the main characters in the original work. 

Of course, I didn’t pay attention to why he came, and for the first while, I had been quite careless in the way I dealt with him. As boys of his age usually were, Calix was a bit cranky toward me at the beginning. 

I tilted my head and had a disapproving look on my face, prompting Calix to grin as he looked at me.

“There wasn’t any big reason.”

He tilted his head and smoothed out my eyebrows. 

“Well, you know, that was when my father passed away, and I wasn’t very good at managing a household by myself.”

“Because I was young,” he added. 

So, according to him, at that time, the head of the Troxia family took him in and taught him many things. 

“The reason being the Troxia family and my father were friends.” 

“I see.”

Even so, it would have been unknowingly burdensome to ask the only heir to a dukedom to stay for an entire year. 

I nodded, mulling over what I had just found out for the first time in seven years. Then, suddenly, I opened my mouth and asked. 

“How was Troxia?”

Calix opened his eyes wide, surprised by my question.

But soon enough, he answered with a smile. 

“…Good.”

“…”

I forgot what to say for a moment and stopped breathing.

The sun only shining on half of Calix’s face in combination with the way he smiled at me was enough to make my heart pound. 

‘This is dangerous…’

I quickly turned my head towards the window, pretending to be calm despite that. It seemed like the temperature in the carriage had instantly gone up by a few degrees, but that was just due to how I felt. 

I stubbornly refused to look at Calix after that until the carriage stopped. 

I couldn’t be more glad that Calix was lost in thought and wasn’t giving me his undivided attention. If he saw me now, he would surely realize my feelings with just a few glances and a few words. 

***

The carriage travelled for half a day before arriving in a small city. 

It was bigger than I had expected, as it was a small city that developed with the intent of providing lodging and accommodation for those who travelled by horse-drawn carriages. As a result, there were all kinds of shops, inns, and restaurants in the city.

I was relieved that I was able to get the hair dye I had been worried about here. 

Calix, who went off to the inn where we were to stay overnight, seemed quite familiar with it, as though he had been here a few times already. 

When asked whether he had ever been here before, Calix replied, “Yes.”

“I came here when I was on my way to Troxia.”

“Were there this many people back then as well?”

“Well, I guess there are more people now.”

Was it because those from Troxia had immigrated here? Calix said nothing, but whenever I saw people passing by, I had to try to not look for any traces of Troxia in them.

A young man who appeared to be a nobleman followed by an entourage of three knights and a woman who appeared to be a wizard was not an unusual combination in such a heavily populated city. 

But we weren’t plain enough to be forgotten after being seen, so I wore my hood as low as I could while walking through the city.

Calix was dissatisfied, saying he couldn’t see my face, but he didn’t seem to actively stop me because he was worried on the inside. 

Fortunately, there were few people in the inn when we arrived, so I was able to take off my hood as soon as I entered. 

“Do you have three rooms?”

“Oh, of course. There are three rooms left.”

“Then we’ll take those. We’ll be eating in the room.”

“Yes. I’ll bring the food up in a minute.”

Calix quickly spoke to the innkeeper, secured our rooms, and obtained three keys. He took one in his hand and tossed the other two to the knight standing next to him.

“Wait, why did you…”

“Divide the rooms amongst yourselves.”

While ignoring me, who was bewildered, he continued talking to the knights.

“I purposely reserved a single room and a double room, so don’t fight.”

“Why would we fight, we’re not kids.”

“Yes, sir!”

Calix, as the knights were bowing and answering him, wrapped an arm around my shoulder. 

“Then shall we head up to our room?”

“Wait… I thought I was going to have a room to myself?”

“Who said that you’d have a room to yourself?”

No one told me that, but out of everyone, I was the only one with a different gender…!

Calix’s expression while looking down at me was so brazen that I felt rather stupid for even raising the issue. 

I looked over at the knights for help, but unfortunately, they were all on Calix’s side. Seeing them look the other way and pretending not to know me… they seemed to be intent on helping their lord with his love life. 

I gritted my teeth and, with the help of Calix, climbed the stairs. 

I had planned on secretly dyeing my hair in my room, where there would have been no one around. Now, I had no choice but to use another method. 

What could I do? Should I sneak out at night? But Calix would notice right away if I did so.

I seemed to have looked like a condemned man who was being dragged to his death, as Calix bent down at the waist and peered at me as he walked up the stairs. 

“Why do you hate this so much?”

Calix’s face, while asking that question, showed that he genuinely didn’t know what the problem was. 

“You didn’t care when I had gotten away with this before. Are you starting to feel conscious of me now? If that’s the case, I’ll change your room.”

“I’m not conscious of you…”

“Oh. No? That’s fine as well.”

As if it was a reflex, I denied it, but that too was a mistake. Calix laughed coolly after hearing my answer. 

He whispered close to me, pulling me around my waist as I stumbled on the stairs.

“If I were you, I’d just lie and say that I felt conscious and take the other room so I’d feel better while you would still be getting what you wanted.”

“…You wouldn’t believe me if I said that.”

“Well, that’s true.”

When I looked up, squinting my eyes, Calix confirmed my words with a sweet sigh.

“What else can I do? It’s my fault for wanting to hear those words.”

It wasn’t like it would be a lie if I said I was conscious of Calix. That was the case, after all. 

If you were to ask me since when I’d been conscious of him, I wouldn’t be able to answer. 

Had it been ever since I felt Calix’s gaze, looking down at me, every night? Or ever since I noticed the heat in his voice when he called my name? 

‘If it’s not that.’

When I realized that he was no longer the boy I knew from back then, all those years ago? When I realized that he now had thicker features, stronger hands, and a lower voice than when he was younger?

I might have even known back then that there would be no escaping from him in the future.  

But in the end, I didn’t give him the answer that he wanted. A familiar bitter smile of resignation came to Calix’s face, who was taking me to our room. He seemed to not have even expected the answer that he wanted in the first place. 

“It’s better to eat dinner in the room, right?”

“That would be more convenient.”

I said quietly to Calix, who looked as if he hadn’t noticed. 

The room that Calix had taken was quite a luxurious room, and as the owner said, was the best room. It wasn’t as big as my room in the Hertrio mansion, but it looked as big as the room of a lord from the countryside. 

I could see why Calix brought us here.

Calix smiled at me, who couldn’t hide my admiration as I looked around the room.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes. The room is very…. It’s nice. But it’s no match for your mansion.” 

Even the small armchair beside the table was fluffy. As soon as I sat down in the chair, my whole body loosened up. It felt like I was being rewarded for all of my hard work, having been in a rattling carriage all day. 

We didn’t want people to recognize the Duke of Hertrio, so we rose in a modest carriage instead of the finest one, which was adorned with Hertrio’s coat of arms. Naturally, we became increasingly tired as we travelled. 

Watching as I sank back in my chair and clasped my hand together, Calix took off the coat he was wearing. 

“Would you like to wash up before dinner?”

“No. You wash up first.”

I turned down his offer because I wanted to enjoy this chair a little more. 

“Hmm. Yeah, alright.”

Calix tilted his head and seemed to think about something for a moment, but quickly agreed. He gathered his things and opened the door to the bathroom. 

“Take a rest. I’ll wash up first.”

“Okay.”

I answered with my eyes closed.

After a while, the sound of the bathroom door being closed could be heard, followed by the sound of the water running a little later. 

Only then did I jump out of my chair with my eyes wide open. 

‘I need to dye my hair before Calix comes out of the bathroom.’

That was the sole thought in my head.