If a Tyrant Becomes a Father

From the beginning, your love tempted me. Even if you love someone other than me, it’s okay.

You can laugh at me, and it’s okay if I don’t get any response.

I, I like you.

I felt like tears were about to come, so I tried hard to hold back the cry, but suddenly my body flipped over. There was no room to scream. I just lay on the blanket, looking into Lucerne’s eyes, held within his arms.

“Lu, Lucerne?”

“Why.”

“….Yes?”

 

“Why are you making that face?”

“That… face?”

In a precarious expression, like a flame that could extinguish at any moment, Lucerne asked.

“I said you would stay by my side, so why do you make such a painful expression?”

“Painful… expression?”

It was painful. How could my heart not ache while loving someone who wouldn’t respond?

I wanted to cry and cling to him.

 

I wanted to beg him to love me, to look at me.

Knowing that I had to be thankful for just being alive after imitating the woman Lucerne loved, and knowing that I shouldn’t be more greedy, I refrained from taking one more step. If Hyerim’s existence left here were to be hated, I felt I wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Just as I had done every day, today, too, I suppressed my feelings.

However, Lucerne’s expression was strange.

“Lucerne, why are you making that expression?”

Lucerne, who had an expression that seemed to burst into tears at any moment, took a short breath. He lowered his head and brought his forehead to mine.

Tears welled up.

 

Why make such a confusing expression, pretending to be in pain?

You said you love Astia, so why are you so gentle with me, Hyerim?

Is it just because our faces look alike?

Lucerne, who brought his forehead to mine and took a slow breath, spoke slowly. His breath and forehead against mine were warm.

“…Because I’m happy.”

“Is it… because you’re happy?”

“Because you said you would stay by my side without any constraints.”

My throat tightened.

Unable to hold back any longer, I blurted out the buried emotions in my heart.

“Stop it, please. Stop saying such things to me.”

“What did I do?”

“You keep… to me…”

Lucerne’s brow furrowed.

With a thud, tears overflowed, streaming down following the contour of my throat.

“Don’t shake me. Don’t make me hope. I can’t endure it any longer.”

“I never asked you to endure anything.”

It was so absurd that I burst into a bitter laugh.

“You pour your love onto someone else while loving me. I… feel like I’m choking to death from the love you’re pouring out.”

“…What on earth are you saying?”

Lucerne, about to ask, seemed to realize something and fell silent. His lips trembled ever so slightly.

“…I miss her.”

Miss her?

“Ha.”

Even in this situation, Astia is being missed.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Tears trickled down, one droplet after another, following the curvature of my jawline.

Lucerne’s low voice dug into my ear.

“I want to see you smile.”

My eyes snapped open.

A smiling… face.

Had Astia ever smiled in front of Lucerne? Surely, he wasn’t talking about the smile she must have given, thanking him for letting her die sooner?

With opal-colored eyes sparkling, Lucerne earnestly spoke.

“Please, just once… smile. Show me the smile you give to the children. If there’s anything I can do, I’ll do it.”

A smile for the children.

That wasn’t the smile Astia had given Lucerne.

It was my… Hyerim’s smile.

Why.

“Lucerne.”

“Lee Hyerim.”

“Why… why my smile.”

Lucerne sadly smiled.

“I never wished for anything else from the beginning.”

My heart collapsed with a heavy, crumbling sound.

“That’s, what are you saying?”

“I never wished for anything else but your smile. Every day, I hoped that you would smile at me. I just wanted to see the smile you showed me before it was revealed that you were Hyerim, even once.”

Smile… He only wished for that.

The two words echoed in my ears, captivating me with a peculiar sensation each time they entered and lodged themselves there.

Is this a dream? Am I dreaming right now?

Did Lucerne just wish for my smile?

It’s like, it’s like…

…Lucerne said he loves me.

The words spilled out at length, and Lucerne paused, taking a deep breath. A soft breeze blew, wrapping around me. While my body didn’t warm up, the wet clothes and hair felt fluffy and dry.

Lucerne chuckled charmingly. “Looks like there’s still room for improvement.”

“It’s okay. This is more than enough.”

“Once you recover a bit more, your body will warm up…”

As he continued speaking, Lucerne collapsed over me. The weight was unexpectedly heavy, and an intense heat was added to the overwhelming sensation.

“Luc, Lucerne? Lucerne!”

Lucerne didn’t respond.

Did he lose consciousness?

I hastily raised my hand and touched Lucerne’s forehead. His body temperature felt excessively hot.

“Goodness. Using magic with a body like this.”

Magic barely dried me up. Lucerne, on the other hand, was still drenched, with his black hair and skin remaining soaked in salty water.

This wasn’t the time for love or smiles.

I pushed Lucerne’s broad chest away and pulled myself out.

Now wasn’t the time for sweet words. I laid Lucerne, his face flushed, on the straw bed.

I laid Lucerne, his face flushed, on the straw bed. Then, I retrieved the red tablecloth I had noticed earlier. Fortunately, there was a water bucket outside the house filled to the brim. I dipped a corner of the cloth in and gently wiped Lucerne’s hair and skin.

“Ugh.”

Despite saying he would feel better after a short rest, Lucerne groaned with evident discomfort. It was unsettling.

He had always been a pillar, a constant figure, looking after me in a composed manner. I could never have imagined seeing him suffer, feverish and vulnerable, in such a dark and unfamiliar place.

“Don’t be in pain…”

Did he want to see my smile? It didn’t matter if it was out of love or not. I’ll smile for you. I’ll smile as much as you want. So, please don’t be in pain.

You know, Lucerne, even though I thought I shouldn’t be greedy, every time I see your affectionate expression, my desires grow. My heart keeps expanding. Right now, I’m both happy and anxious, and I’m scared. What should I do?

Lucerne.

I like you.

I like you.

I hope you love me. I hope you tell me that you love me.

Throughout the night, I murmured and wiped Lucerne’s cheeks with the damp cloth.

                                                               *****

Sighing, I rose from my seat as the sound of the waves gradually permeated my ears. The sunlight was dazzling, and I squinted, frowning. Lucerne seemed to have dozed off until dawn.

The window was broken, and the clear daylight by the sea spread outside the shattered frame. It seemed to have snowed all night. The accumulated snow, along with the sunlight reflecting off the sea, created a dazzling scene.

Gazing outside absentmindedly, I slowly turned my attention back indoors. Lucerne was peacefully sleeping on the straw bed.

Lucerne’s body and clothes were clean. I didn’t feel cold or hungry. It appeared that while I was asleep, I woke up, used magic, and collapsed again.

“You don’t have to go to such lengths. Rest a bit.”

I touched his forehead, and thankfully, it wasn’t as warm as yesterday. His breathing was steady and stable. I heaved a sigh of relief.

 

The bright winter sunlight sparkled on Lucerne’s cheek as he lay in the straw bed. I hadn’t had a chance to see his face properly before because he always slept later and woke up earlier than me.

I reached over to tidy up Lucerne’s disheveled black hair, and though he furrowed his brow slightly, he didn’t open his eyes.

Lucerne.

“I want to see you smile.”

His whispered words echoed in my mind. Unconsciously, my cheeks blushed. Did he really want to see ‘Hyerim’s’ smiling face?

I gently combed Lucerne’s cheek with my fingertips while recalling the warmth of his request.

I gently touched Lucerne, following the sound of the waves, then rose from my seat.

Perhaps due to the uncomfortable sleep, my whole body felt a bit stiff. Lucerne showed no signs of waking up soon, so I thought about taking a short stroll.

After covering Lucerne with the tablecloth I had used, I quietly left the old house.

 I stretched widely, loosening my body, and then leisurely walked around the vicinity of the weathered house.

The crunchy snow underfoot created a serene atmosphere.

I walked slowly around the old house after stretching and loosening my body. Stepping on the lightly piled snow, I circled the area near the small house. As the snow under my feet turned into sand, I soon found myself standing in the middle of a small sandy beach.

Observing the waves surging and receding, my heart pounded with excitement. I had never thought about wanting to see the sea, but now, looking at the endless horizon and the blue sky, my chest felt refreshingly open.

Although the wind blew, tousling my hair and the hem of my dress, it wasn’t cold. The sharp scent of the sea, which had struck me fiercely yesterday, was no longer intimidating. I embraced myself with my arms and took a deep breath.

Even though Lucerne wasn’t by my side, I could feel his magic, and I didn’t feel lonely.

The sunlight melted the snow quickly. Making a satisfying sound on the wet sand, I imprinted my footsteps. My bare feet tickled.

Was it because I came to the sea, or was it because Lucerne wished for my smile? It was enjoyable. Everything my gaze touched was beautiful, lovely, and warm.

After walking for a while, I reached the edge of the wide cliff under the narrow sandy beach. Just as I approached, I noticed something unfamiliar on the white sandy beach.

“…What is it?”

It wasn’t a rock or a shell.

Suddenly, my heart began to beat anxiously. Thump, thump. My pace quickened along with my racing heart. I walked, and then ran.

What lay scattered on the sandy beach was brought up and down by the waves, following their movements. It looked both familiar and unfamiliar.

 

About twenty steps away, I realized that what had been washed ashore was a person. Ten steps further, I recognized who the broken person was.

I stopped abruptly, my eyes fixating on the black fabric swelling with the waves and sinking down again. It gently traced the black strands of hair being swept away by the water.

My heart was pounding loudly, but my feet seemed stuck to the sandy beach, refusing to move easily.

“I can’t afford to suffer any more, to be isolated.”

“Get rid of that, get rid of that expression!”

The lips that had been shouting at me threateningly remained tightly sealed. The eyes that had shone brightly were also closed.

Collis lay on the sandy beach with the most peaceful face I had ever seen.