Lack of Love

Habit is truly a terrifying thing.

Zhong Qiran forgot that he and Yan Hao were still in an awkward phase, and he subconsciously kissed Yan to provoke his mother. But when he wanted to retract it, it was already too late because Yan Hao finally gave him a genuine kiss.

“Uh…” Teeth collided, tongues tingled. Zhong Qiran’s struggle gradually weakened, and he couldn’t help but respond to Yan Hao’s kiss.

This was their first kiss in over two years of separation. It felt both familiar and just how it should be

Yan Hao finally understood what he was lacking. Even if he couldn’t sense emotions, his body instinctively longed to be close to this person. It was as if he had tasted sweetness from Zhong Qiran’s lips, like rain after a long drought.

And Zhong Qiran seemed to see the fleeting flame in Yan Hao’s eyes. It wasn’t an illusion.

After this kiss, the two fell into silence again.

Zhong Qiran pushed Yan Hao away and asked the question he had always wanted to know, “I don’t understand. You’re not… why would you still…?”

For normal people, losing feelings is unimaginable. That’s why Zhong Qiran couldn’t understand the driving force behind Yan Hao’s persistence.

Yan Hao said, “I’ve just lost the sensation of many things, but it’s not amnesia. I remember what happened in the past, but it feels unfamiliar and unreal. If you really want an answer, perhaps I can’t give you one. I can only say that I might still love you because I desire you. Only when I see you do I feel alive.”

These weren’t words of confession, but they touched even deeper in Zhong Qiran’s heart.

He learned from his psychologist that most patients like this often found life extremely boring, and in the end, they either hurt others or themselves. Only a few people could break free from such a predicament.

Zhong Qiran couldn’t imagine how much effort Yan Hao had put into his recovery. But he knew that Yan Hao had been working hard all along, even when he couldn’t see it.

Zhong Qiran was genuinely moved, his heart soft and aching. “What do you want me to do?”

Yan Hao asked, “Can we go back to how it was before?”

“How was it?”

“Holding hands, kissing, hugging, making love. You only have me in your heart, and I only have you in my eyes.”

With each word Yan Hao spoke, Zhong Qiran felt his face grow a little warmer. It seemed like he hadn’t felt this way in a long time, all for the same person.

When the two returned to the room, the atmosphere had already changed.

Yan’s mother still seemed a little angry, muttering to herself, but pretending that nothing was wrong. She faced the television, but her peripheral vision couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the two, searching for any suspicious traces.

Zhong Qiran pretended not to notice, feeling somewhat relieved at the thought of Yan’s mother stumbling upon the scene just now.

He only had a two-week break this time, and he didn’t know how long he would have to wait until he could return. He didn’t know how to help Yan Hao, so he could only observe from the sidelines for now.

Yan Hao’s current psychologist had been dismissed. The previous one had found new clients but was still willing to provide additional counseling, although limited time frames.

Yan’s mother had originally planned to find a third psychologist, but Yan Hao refused.

Ever since his illness, Yan Hao seemed to gradually develop his own opinions. He used to be indifferent because it didn’t matter, and he would listen to his parents’ words only because filial piety and ethics had not faded in his heart since childhood. He knew his parents wouldn’t harm him but didn’t realize that what his parents gave might not be what he wanted. After going through such twists and turns, he now seemed to understand a bit more, realizing that there were still things he couldn’t let go of.

It was like adding some authenticity to unfamiliar memories. He was slowly regaining his senses, about Zhong Qiran.

One week passed quickly, and Zhong Qiran had roughly grasped Yan Hao’s situation.

He also heard about Yan Hao’s collaboration with the fitness company in Country M and was greatly surprised. It didn’t seem like Yan Hao’s usual style.

After all, he was a professional market analyst who could spot issues with many reports and data at a glance. He cautiously asked, “Did you lose money?”

Yan Hao honestly replied, “Yes.”

“Was it a lot?”

“A lot.” So much that it multiplied several times the assets Yan Hao had allocated to Zhong Qiran. However, he didn’t intend to let him know this.

“Because of me?”

If it was only uncertain in the beginning, now Yan Hao could confidently give an answer, “Yes.”

Zhong Qiran fell silent for a moment and asked again, “Can’t you terminate the contract? Perhaps compensating for the breach of contract would be better than continuous losses.”Yan Hao shook his head. “I don’t plan to do that. If it weren’t for this opportunity, we might not have met again or returned to where we are now.”

Suddenly, Zhong Qiran felt that Yan Hao’s after effects weren’t entirely negative. For example, he didn’t realize how sentimental his words were, just like the confession in the courtyard that night. To Yan Hao, he might have simply expressed his thoughts straightforwardly, as trained by his previous psychologist. But for the listener, it was a completely different feeling.

Zhong Qiran blushed silently, then adjusted his state of mind and continued to focus on the financial statements. Even if he wanted to reciprocate Yan Hao’s feelings, he didn’t want to see him continue to lose money.

Seeing that Zhong Qiran didn’t try to persuade him, Yan Hao asked again, “Do you want to help me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“No specific reason”

In the following days, Zhong Qiran spent time reviewing the market research and questionnaire analysis conducted by Yan Hao’s company, and he found that the issues lay in consumer habits and brand acceptance. Drawing on his experience studying and interning in Country M, he quickly wrote several proposals and showed them to Yan Hao. One of the proposals suggested a collaboration with fitness gyms using a trial-based approach.

This suggestion was quite innovative. After all, fitness equipment usually had a high unit price, and few companies were willing to do this, as it often posed financial challenges. Collaborating with gyms in various locations required purchasing a large quantity of equipment, along with maintenance costs and personnel expenses, resulting in significant expenditures. Regardless of the effectiveness, even if they wanted to generate revenue, it would be a slow process.

Zhong Qiran was aware of this, but he thought it would be better to make the most of the situation rather than simply reimbursing the losses. It was a bold strategy with extremely high risks.

Yan Hao also understood that the feasibility was low, but he still took a closer look at it.

The two-week vacation was about to end, and in two days, Yan Hao would be leaving for Country M.

That evening, Yan Hao asked Zhong Qiran to come to his room after dinner when he had some free time. Zhong Qiran thought that Yan Hao finally wanted to discuss the proposal and didn’t think much of it.

After taking a shower and organizing his thoughts, Zhong Qiran went to knock on Yan Hao’s door.

Yan Hao seemed to have just finished showering too and came to open the door in his pajamas. He stepped aside to let Zhong Qiran in and locked the door as he closed it.

Yan Hao didn’t deliberately conceal it, so Zhong Qiran heard the sound of the door being locked. He hadn’t thought about it in any other way initially, but now he felt that something was off. When he turned around, he saw the person suddenly closing the distance, leaving him somewhat bewildered.

Yan Hao confirmed his guess with his words, “You’re leaving, aren’t you? Won’t you leave me with a memory?”

Yan Hao had been too well-behaved for over a week, so Zhong Qiran was completely unprepared. Therefore, he didn’t anticipate this… he didn’t expect it to happen so soon…

Zhong Qiran was forced back step by step until he bumped into the table behind him, knocking over a photo frame placed on it. He hurriedly picked it up and realized that the photo frame looked somewhat familiar.

The picture inside was their photo together.