Lack of Love

Since the dispute with Zhong Qiran, Yan’s mother has frequently thought of her long-lost sister. Ever since her sister was diagnosed with infertility, their parents, feeling ashamed, kept her at home and discouraged her from going out. In their era, infertility was a major issue, subject to gossip from neighbors and met with sympathetic looks. As a result, her once gentle and cheerful sister became silent and increasingly negative.

Yan’s mother had several siblings, but she had the closest relationship with her sister. As a hot-blooded youth, she initially felt angry and defended her sister against their parents’ attitude and the idle gossip of others. She wanted to fight for something on her sister’s behalf. However, her parents told her, “You don’t understand. When you become a parent yourself, you’ll know why we had to do it.”

At that time, she didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. She only knew that her sister, who was also a victim, was being mistreated and criticized by others without anyone standing up for her.

Her resistance had no effect and was quickly overwhelmed by voices that supported their parents’ actions.

Later on, her sister locked herself in her room and didn’t even step out of the door.

As for herself, she gradually accepted this fact and stopped arguing for her sister’s sake.

The sisters slowly grew apart.

Yan’s mother only remembers when she got married, her sister peeked at her from behind the door, too afraid to come out. She could see tears in her sister’s eyes, as if she had something to say, but she didn’t respond. Eventually, under pressure from the matchmaker, she withdrew her gaze and left the home she had lived in for twenty years without looking back. Suddenly, several decades had passed just like that. She heard from others that her sister moved out of their family home and heard that she found a partner, a gentle middle-aged man, and planned to spend her life with him.

She felt relieved but also lost. She cared, yet she lacked the courage to meet her sister. Because for all these years, a voice deep inside her had constantly reminded her: she had succumbed to reality, felt guilty, and couldn’t face it.

It wasn’t until Zhong Qiran spoke those words that she dug up these memories from the depths of her mind.

With the phone in her hand, Yan’s mother hesitated and fretted for nearly an hour before finally dialing the number she had kept in her mind but never dialed.

That afternoon, Yan’s mother arrived at a villa according to the address. Outside the villa, there was a small courtyard with neatly trimmed flowers and plants flourishing. She stood at the doorway and suddenly remembered the scene of her and her sister pressing flowers together in the yard that summer. Her sister loved flowers, and as children, she would pretend to be a gardener with a pair of scissors, while Yan’s mother followed behind, picking up fallen flowers and leaves, carefully wiping away the dust.

At that moment, a female voice came from the courtyard, filled with a smile. “You’re here, come on in.”

Only then did Yan’s mother realize that the person had been standing in the courtyard, waiting for her arrival. She looked at that familiar smile and felt a sense of being transported to another world.

Her sister led her to a table and chairs in the courtyard, with a large parasol overhead, shading most of the sunlight. On the table, there was a teapot with dark-colored tea, herbal tea.

“Why did you think of coming to see me?” They hadn’t seen each other for many years, but her sister asked the question as if it hadn’t been long at all, as if they hadn’t been apart for decades. Her sister was doing well now, seemingly much more cheerful. The gloomy past seemed to have faded from her life, leaving no trace.

Yan’s mother picked up her cup, took a sip of tea, and it tasted just like she remembered. She began talking about Zhong Qiran’s situation, starting from when her son was kidnapped and how she insisted on marrying a man. She explained how she opposed it and tried everything to separate them, laying out all the details without holding back. She had always been stubborn, and whenever she encountered something unhappy, she would want to talk to her sister. Her sister might not always agree with her, but she would never scold her. She would always gently share her thoughts and personal experiences. And perhaps, by exaggerating things, Yan’s mother wanted her sister to scold her, so that she could feel a little better in her heart.

As expected, her sister didn’t scold her after hearing everything but calmly spoke, “Every parent, in the end, just wants their children to grow up safe, healthy, and happy. As long as they’re not committing crimes, that’s good enough.” She paused deliberately before continuing, “Nice words that anyone can say, but it’s all bullshit.”

Yan’s mother was taken aback by the last sentence and looked at her sister in surprise.

“If you really think that way, why are there so many conflicts?” Her sister said this with a slightly mocking smile, mixed with a sense of helplessness from having seen the ways of the world. “In my opinion, most parents are only concerned about their own reputation. They don’t care about what their children truly think, or their life and death. They are determined to make them follow what they believe is the right path. They are extremely afraid of idle gossip and fear their children being different from others. So, they try their best to correct them. When they realize it’s impossible, they resort to more drastic measures, insisting on getting a satisfactory outcome. Tell me, what’s the difference between this attitude and treating an enemy?”

These words were directed at Yan’s mother, yet they sounded like her sister was talking about herself.

It was only when Yan’s mother heard these words with her own ears that she realized how deep the resentment had been pent up in her sister’s heart. “Sister…”

“I only have one question for you: Do you want Xiaohao to turn out like me in the future?”

Yan’s mother was rendered speechless by the question and couldn’t utter a word.

Her sister suddenly softened her tone and spoke gently, “Have you ever considered that what you think is good for him might actually be a burden to him? The ones truly living with you are not those who only gossip from the outside, but the family members living under the same roof. If your child is filial, what more could you ask for?”

Finally, trembling, Yan’s mother asked, “Sister, do you resent our parents? Do you resent me?”

“Of course, I resent them. Why wouldn’t I?” After saying this, her sister smiled at her. “But I’m grateful to you. Because you were the first to stand in my shoes and think about me. Even though I once resented you for giving up halfway when we were young, looking back now, your fierce resistance was what gave me the strength to keep going. I hope you stay that way, but don’t direct your anger towards the people close to you. Do you understand what I mean?”

“I can’t say that two men loving each other is right, but it’s their own choice. You don’t have to accept it, but at least learn to respect it. However, no matter when, it’s never too late for you to change your mind.”

Yan’s mother, on her way back, kept thinking about her sister’s words. She had never imagined that her ridiculous impulsive actions would later become the driving force for her sister to strive and survive.

However, she had no regrets. She only regretted not doing more for her sister at that time.

If even family bonds could be like this, then why not love?

She reflected on her actions over the years and realized that she had been too harsh on Zhong Qiran. But that child not only harbored no resentment, but also wholeheartedly wanted to reconcile with her, and even didn’t want to make things difficult for Yanhao.

She also knew that Zhong Qiran probably knew about her sister’s situation, which was why he deliberately said those words during their argument.

She couldn’t say that she had fully accepted the fact of two men being together. But Zhong Qiran’s perfect honesty now appeared adorable in her eyes.

When Yan’s mother returned home, it was already past dinner time.

She didn’t specifically ask the housekeeper to save her a meal, and the servants had already finished their work and left. She planned to just grab something to eat casually. Since marrying into the Yan family, she had become accustomed to eating at home and rarely ate out. Perhaps it was a form of emotional reliance, always feeling that by doing so, the dining table wouldn’t be empty and her heart would have some stability. When she got married, Yan’s father was already very busy, and he didn’t eat at home for several days a week. It improved slightly after Yanhao was born, at least she wasn’t alone anymore. So naturally, she shifted her focus on Yanhao and placed high expectations on him. But upon reflection, she realized that she had deceived herself.

As she walked into the kitchen about to start preparing something, the housekeeper suddenly asked her to wait and made her sit at the dining table, then took out the food from a thermal container.

“Where did this come from?” Yan’s mother glanced at it. It was all her favorite dishes, not too much or too little, just the right amount she usually ate.

The housekeeper said, “It was left by Mr. Zhong. He personally served it.”

Yan’s mother looked at the old thermal container and suddenly felt a sense of nostalgia. How long had it been since she used this thing? It was originally used to pack lunch for Yanhao when he went to school, and she had always been reluctant to throw it away.

Yan’s mother smiled and said, “It’s been a long time since I used this. How did you know to take it out of the cupboard?”

The housekeeper replied, “It was the Young Master who took it.”

Yan’s mother paused for a moment, shook her head, and smiled. Those two probably knew she would soften and deliberately tried to please her.

Having an additional son didn’t actually feel so bad.