Lack of Love

 

Extra 08

Lian Siqiao originally thought that by saying such words, Li Qi would give up. But during the second week of vacation, he saw Li Qi standing outside the door again.

He hadn’t forgotten that Li Qi had returned to his original company, which was why he deliberately moved away from that city. It took at least three hours to come here, not to mention that he now lived in the suburbs, so it would definitely take even longer.

Lian Siqiao was a person who could be ruthless , with almost strict principles. Since he had already spoken those words, no matter what Li Qi would do, he would ignore him.

He locked the doors and windows and prepared to leave work as usual. He even thought that if Li Qi followed him back to his place, he would ruthlessly confront him and tell him off.

But no, Li Qi just stood there, quietly watching his departing figure.

Lian Siqiao thought that Li Qi would then follow him. He even turned around several times on the way back, but when he finally realized that there was no one behind him, he didn’t know whether he should feel relieved or disappointed.

He had a cleanliness obsession when it came to emotions, but that didn’t mean he could quickly forget his previous relationship and start a new one.

Everyone has an undefined period of healing after a breakup, ranging from a few days to a lifetime. Unfortunately, he was the kind of person who found it hard to let go once he fell in love. Even if he knew they weren’t suitable for each other, he could force himself to move on, even if the problem could be fixed, his heart couldn’t return to how it was.

He knew it was related to his dysfunctional family. Both his parents had cheated and made a big fuss . The vows they made at their wedding turned into a joke after they got married.

And at that time, young Lian Siqiao was often blamed by his parents, who pointed their fingers at him and cursed, “It would have been better if you were never born.”

They all thought he was too young to understand. Little did they know that adults’ influence on children was the greatest.

He had told himself countless times that when he grew up, he would not become an irresponsible person like his parents. Perhaps due to the subtle effects or overcompensation, he did become loyal in relationships, but demanded love to an excessive degree. Li Qi didn’t have any faults; the real problem was him. It was his lack of trust in love.

He shouldn’t have burdened Li Qi with his family baggage, and he shouldn’t have expected Li Qi to consider him in every aspect. He loved him too much, which made him constantly try to shape him into his ideal image.

As a result, his expectations for Li Qi grew higher and higher until both sides couldn’t bear it anymore.

When he finally realized something was wrong, their relationship had already changed. He wanted to go back to the way things were, but it was too late.

Li Qi’s bold decisiveness and considerate nature were once the aspects he admired the most. He didn’t want his partner to lose those qualities just because they were together.

That night, Lian Siqiao couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in bed.

Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see in his mind was the first time he met Li Qi. It was during a sports event at school when Li Qi noticed him sitting alone in the corner and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. Because of his personality, he wasn’t liked by his classmates, so they avoided him. He didn’t have  teammates to play games with, and it was Li Qi, a stranger, who filled that role and helped him complete the physical education assignment.

Someone like him, who was the most difficult to open up to others, was captivated by Li Qi’s outgoing nature.

From the beginning, he knew it was dangerous, but he couldn’t help but get closer to him.

The next day, when Lian Siqiao went to work, he saw that there was no one outside the studio. He smiled self-mockingly, not knowing what he was hoping for…

He unlocked the door and walked into the room. A figure emerged from the corner outside, watching him turn on the lights and prepare to start the business.

When Lian Siqiao finished work that evening, he saw Li Qi standing at the door again, waiting like a sitting duck.

He hesitated for a second this time but still ignored him and walked away, just like the previous day. And Li Qi didn’t chase after him, silently standing in the same spot.

This continued for another two weeks.

Every holiday, Li Qi would always appear at the door of Lian Siqiao’s studio when he finished work, not getting too close, as if waiting for him to initiate a conversation. It didn’t matter what they talked about; as long as there was contact, it was an opportunity. Li Qi understood Lian Siqiao’s personality and knew that he would reject him, no matter how much he said. It was better to let him come on his own…

Lian Siqiao couldn’t avoid him no matter what. He was in this line of work, and holidays were when most people visited, so he couldn’t close down just because of Li Qi.

But Li Qi’s presence bothered him yet gave him a certain comfort. He wondered how long he had been waiting at the door. Wasn’t he tired after spending several hours every week traveling back and forth? How much longer would he persist before giving up…He pretended to be indifferent on the surface, but he was actually worried about him. But so what?

He was about to go abroad, and he would never stay for Li Qi. Just like Li Qi had made the same choice before.

In the third week, it suddenly started pouring.

The sound of rain was so loud that it could be heard from inside the house. Meanwhile, Lian Siqiao was at work, consulting a woman sitting across from him about her family troubles. He glanced outside and subconsciously looked at the time —it was half-past ten in the morning.

He thought to himself, “He won’t come today, right? It’s still so early. He wouldn’t be waiting outside already, would he? It’s impossible…”

He dismissed several thoughts in a row and forced himself to focus on his work.

By the time the female client left, it was already eleven-thirty.

Due to the heavy rain and the holiday traffic, several consecutive appointments for the afternoon were canceled. He could finish work early today and avoid seeing Li Qi. He should feel relieved, but instead, his heart felt heavy, as if something was pressing on it.

As he listened to the sound of the rain outside, his restlessness grew, and his mind couldn’t help but wonder if Li Qi had decided to come after all. Was he already on his way? Could driving be dangerous?

Does Li Qi drive?

He didn’t even know how Li Qi had come over, what time he arrived, and what time he would leave. Where did he stay overnight? What if he had been waiting outside all this time…

When Lian Siqiao thought of this, he couldn’t sit still any longer and hurriedly rushed to the door. When he saw that no one was outside the door, he breathed a sigh of relief, but his heart tightened again when he caught a glimpse of a figure huddled under the leaves across the street…

He pulled out an umbrella from the umbrella stand and walked towards the person on the opposite side of the street.

The rain was pouring heavily, and there wasn’t even a single car on the road. As soon as he stepped into the rain, the splashing water immediately wet his trouser legs.

He walked up to the person and, after seeing Li Qi’s face clearly, anger surged in his heart for no reason. He shouted at Li Qi, “Are you crazy? What are you thinking? Why did you come in such heavy rain? Go back…”

Although Li Qi was hiding under the leaves, he was still drenched. He looked at Lian Siqiao, stared at him intently, and then unexpectedly smiled. “You still care about me, don’t you?”

Lian Siqiao wanted to call him crazy, wanted to say a few more harsh words, but then he saw Li Qi sneeze several times in a row.

Without much thought, he directly pulled Li Qi and walked back to his own studio.

Although it was a workplace, there was a bathroom attached. Lian Siqiao would often rest there when he was tired from work, so he had brought a few sets of spare clothes. Although these clothes were a bit small for Li Qi, it was better than nothing.

He forcefully pushed Li Qi into the bathroom and changed his own wet pants.

At that moment, Lian Siqiao suddenly remembered a question—how early had Li Qi come before?

After Li Qi finished showering and came out wearing Lian Siqiao’s clothes, the bottoms of the pants were obviously too short, revealing his slender ankles. The shirt was a bit tight, so he left a few buttons undone. Li Qi was already good-looking to begin with, and with this outfit, he appeared casual and sexy.

During the two years they were apart, he had become even more mature and stable. He exuded an air of an elite from head to toe.

Lian Sijiao, clearly eyeing him from head to toe shook his head to get rid of his naughty thoughts and asked , “What time do you usually come?”

Li Qi didn’t hide it from him, saying, “Eight-thirty in the morning.”

That was the exact time when Lian Sijiao usually opened for business in the morning. He furrowed his brows and said, “do you really have to do this? Even if we reconcile now, we’ll still have to separate in two weeks.”

Li Qi stared at him and said, “Sijiao, time is not the issue. Just like when I came back from studying abroad, I realized…”

“That’s different.” Lian Sijiao interrupted him. “Being in a relationship is not a one-person matter. I don’t feel secure.”

He couldn’t handle long-distance relationships. Just like he couldn’t escape the influence of his family, when his partner wasn’t by his side, he couldn’t control his wild thoughts. He didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes and ruin their love by arguing over trivial matters.

Li Qi looked at him for a while before saying, “Then you should at least give me a chance. It’s unfair to treat me like this. What if someone takes you away after you go abroad?”

“You…” Lian Sijiao never expected to hear Li Qi say such words. He wasn’t like this before.

Li Qi approached him slowly, as if he could see through his heart. “Aren’t you avoiding me because you still love me and are afraid of wavering?”

Lian Sijiao’s coldness was all a pretense.

Li Qi said, “During the time I was abroad, I experienced an avalanche and got buried in the snow. I thought I was going to die. I thought I cared most about my family, but I realized that the person I couldn’t bear to part with was you. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, life is so short, why do we keep quarreling like this?”

When Lian Sijiao worked at the Yan family, he had heard Zhong Qiran mention this part, but he didn’t know it was about Li Qi back then. Later, when he found out, he was terrified for a while. How could he not have thought about it? 

Now that Li Qi brought up the matter again, it hit him right in the heart. “Just once is enough. Can’t you be brave for me?”

But Lian Sijiao still didn’t relent.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it. In that case, if I can’t change your mind before you go abroad, I’ll give up.” Li Qi stared at him with unwavering eyes, without any compromise. “On the contrary, if you waver, don’t blame me for taking advantage of the situation.”

Lian Sijiao rarely felt such pressure from the other side, so he replied defiantly, “Do as you please.”

—

 

1

I would like to clarify something about Li Qi. He is skilled in pursuing someone, which is related to his outgoing and sociable personality…

Although some people may view it negatively that he pursued Zhong Qiran in the past. I must say that at that time, he and Lian Sijiao had already broken up. It is not wrong for him to pursue someone else or imagine a different kind of life. He is not promiscuous; he simply seizes opportunities and takes the initiative. After entering a relationship, he is devoted. He is someone who knows how to seize opportunities, which is actually quite commendable. Li Qi pursued Lian Sijiao in the same manner initially, and I believe it is part of his character. However, this is also the aspect that Lian Sijiao admires but feels uneasy about…

I don’t want anyone to misunderstand him, so I felt the need to explain. But if someone still finds this problematic, there is nothing I can do.

 

 

1

I would like to clarify something about Li Qi. He is skilled in pursuing someone, which is related to his outgoing and sociable personality…

Although some people may view it negatively that he pursued Zhong Qiran in the past. I must say that at that time, he and Lian Sijiao had already broken up. It is not wrong for him to pursue someone else or imagine a different kind of life. He is not promiscuous; he simply seizes opportunities and takes the initiative. After entering a relationship, he is devoted. He is someone who knows how to seize opportunities, which is actually quite commendable. Li Qi pursued Lian Sijiao in the same manner initially, and I believe it is part of his character. However, this is also the aspect that Lian Sijiao admires but feels uneasy about…

I don’t want anyone to misunderstand him, so I felt the need to explain. But if someone still finds this problematic, there is nothing I can do.