Lack of Love

Extra Chapter 11

Lian Siqiao didn’t know how to respond to this statement. After all, two years ago they were in love, but in the end, they still parted ways.

Li Qi said again, “No matter how many times you push me away, I won’t give up.”

“You…” Lian Siqiao was truly at a loss. He pushed him away and sat up himself. “Why do you have to do this? You clearly know…”

Li Qi backed off accordingly, not forcing him anymore, although he really wanted to hold him like that for a while longer. “I know. I just wanted to tell you that I’m serious. I want you to see my determination.”

Lian Siqiao quickly interjected, “ Nobody is that dependent on another person that they can’t live without them.”

“People change. Especially after realizing they’ve lost something important…”

Li Qi’s gaze was too earnest, and Lian Siqiao didn’t dare to look at him. He stood up, intending to leave, afraid of falling into the same trap again. “I’m leaving.”

Li Qi didn’t force him anymore, stood up, and was about to see him off. “It’s too late. I’ll take you.”

“No need, it’s very close from here.” He didn’t want to let Li Qi invade his private space anymore; it would make him feel too exposed. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Li Qi, but he had developed a habit of self-preservation.

However, Li Qi insisted, “I’ll take you.”

In the end, Lian Siqiao didn’t leave. He helplessly sat on the sofa. It had reached a point he couldn’t fall asleep now. “Why do you sleep here?”

Li Qi said, “Because I can see the stars.”

Lian Siqiao turned his head in surprise. He had never noticed that he could see stars in his own studio. Indeed, everyone had a different perspective on things, and Li Qi had always been such a positive person. And his words reminded him of the time they watched the night view together.

Li Qi suddenly asked, “Do you want to see them?”

Perhaps influenced by the memories, Lian Siqiao nodded involuntarily.

Li Qi stood up and let him lie in the spot where he had just been. Lian Siqiao looked out the window and indeed saw the stars. And Li Qi stood beneath the window, from this angle, it looked like he had stars above his head. Lian Siqiao suddenly understood why Li Qi had kissed him earlier. He also had the impulse to go back to that time of passionate love, to embrace and kiss each other without any reservations.

Li Qi’s expression changed slightly, as if he was a bit troubled, and he averted his gaze slightly. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to resist kissing you again.”

Lian Siqiao remained silent.

Li Qi continued, “I know I can’t force you, and I can’t make you fully trust me in such a short time. But I will show you gradually until the day you can truly accept me. Since we have only a little time left to spend together, I hope there won’t be any regrets. It’s fine if you don’t accept me; why not treat it as our final memory together?”

After hearing these words, how could Lian Siqiao not waver? “What do you want?”

“I want things to be like they used to be.”

Lian Siqiao looked up at him.

“Of course, I won’t do anything excessive to you.”

Lian Siqiao pondered for a moment and finally relented, “Okay.”

In the middle of the night, Lian Siqiao was exhausted and fell asleep leaning on the sofa. Li Qi didn’t even have a chance to ask him to go upstairs to sleep. After hesitating for a moment, he lifted Lian Siqiao and carried him upstairs. He placed Lian Siqiao on the soft mattress and couldn’t help but kiss him lightly as he bent down. Lian Siqiao opened his eyes slightly, in a half-asleep state, unable to tell if he was fully awake, but he quickly closed them again.

Li Qi gathered the courage and lightly kissed his lips once more, savoring that long-lost sweetness.

He didn’t go too far; it was just a brief touch before he withdrew, as if reluctant to leave.

He used to believe that as long as he knew more people, he could find the one who was most suitable for him. But now, he no longer thought that way because he had someone he liked, and everything else had become meaningless.

Lian Siqiao had come over with almost nothing, so when he woke up on the second floor of the studio in the morning, he felt a bit confused.

It was Li Qi who knocked on the door and called him, “Wake up, it’s time for breakfast.”

As soon as he heard Li Qi’s voice, he instantly became alert, and the events of last night immediately came to mind. “What time is it?”

He hadn’t forgotten that he had to go to work today.

Li Qi answered, “Don’t worry, it’s only 7:30.”

Lian Siqiao breathed a sigh of relief, got up, and freshened up. When he came downstairs in a changed outfit, Li Qi had already bought breakfast for him, a sandwich and a cup of milk tea.

The two of them sat at the table, quietly enjoying their respective breakfasts. It had been a long time since they had this kind of scene, and Lian Siqiao couldn’t recall how long it had been.

Suddenly, Li Qi said, “I’ll be on a business trip next week.”

Lian Sijiao had just taken a bite of his sandwich and stared at him in a daze. It was at this moment that he truly realized that they didn’t have much time left together. Li Qi didn’t mention where he was going on his business trip, and Lian Sijiao didn’t think of asking either. He only asked, “How long will you be gone?”

“Probably two weeks,” he replied.

Lian Sijiao fell silent, forgetting to chew the food in his mouth.

Li Qi observed his expression for a while and felt more confident in his heart. “I will come back,” he said.

“Mm.” Lian Sijiao only now realized that he had been waiting for him to say those exact words.

“Oh, I forgot to bring back the clothes I borrowed from you last time. I’ll bring them next time,” Li Qi mentioned.

“Mm.” Actually, it didn’t matter if he didn’t return them, Lian Sijiao thought to himself. He felt conflicted and selfish. Since he had pushed Li Qi away, he also hoped he would keep his things with him.

Afternoon passed, and Li Qi said he had to leave. “I have to go back and prepare things for the business trip…”

“Oh.” Lian Sijiao suddenly felt a little disappointed for some reason. “Drive safely then.”

Li Qi said once again, “I will come back.”

Lian Sijiao suddenly didn’t know if what he was doing was right or wrong. He clearly felt that he was wavering, and the closer they got to the day of separation, the more reluctant he became. If he had known when Li Qi first came to him, he should have used a broom to drive him away, tearing his face apart would have been better than the current situation. But Li Qi was so good, how could he bring herself to speak harshly to him?

Two more days passed.

There were fewer visitors on ordinary days, so he took advantage of this lull to organize the client information to be handed over to other therapists. he had almost made all the arrangements, but old clients still came to talk to him. Counseling had a dependency, and many of these old clients considered Lian Sijiao as a friend. Unlike other therapists, Lian Sijiao didn’t deliberately say pleasing words to cater to clients. Most of the time, he was direct and insightful, yet tactful enough not to make people feel embarrassed. Therefore, many of these counseling sessions turned into simple conversations and chats.

Lian Sijiao now only accepted such clients. It wasn’t because he was afraid of trouble, but because he couldn’t easily hand over unfinished matters to others. After all, it was the client’s privacy, not a returnable or exchangeable commodity.

But when he had free time, he couldn’t help but think about Li Qi.

In a worst-case scenario, as long as he kept in touch with Zhong Qiran after going abroad, he would still be able to know how Li Qi was doing. He genuinely hoped that Li Qi would be doing well and they didn’t necessarily have to be together.

Or… before it was too late, should he just stop meeting him?

Lian Sijiao was lost in thought when he suddenly heard the sound of the door being pushed open. Thinking it was a client, he looked up and suddenly couldn’t speak. “You… How…?”

Li Qi said, “The place I’m going on a business trip is nearby.”

Lian Sijiao’s emotions became complicated for a moment, not knowing what to say. Just a second ago, he was thinking of not meeting him anymore, and the next second, he appeared, leaving him feeling confused.

Li Qi walked over, still holding a bag with clothes: “Don’t you want me to come?”

Lian Sijiao wanted to say yes. He knew that now was the opportunity to say it, and if he missed this chance, he might never be able to speak up again.

But Li Qi preempted him: “I can come to see you every day.”

Lian Sijiao was stunned for a moment, and suddenly couldn’t say it: “Is it okay for you to come like this?”

“It’s fine.” Li Qi returned Lian Sijiao’s clothes to him. “I was afraid you would find me annoying and refuse to see me.”

“Can you have dinner with me tonight? The hotel where I’m staying is nearby, not far from here. After all, I have to stay here for two weeks, and I’m not familiar with this place…”

Since Li Qi said that, how could Lian Sijiao refuse?

In the evening, Lian Sijiao took Li Qi to a restaurant. The advantage of living in the suburbs is that the place was spacious and had a good view. The restaurant owner was also a creative person who had decorated the place beautifully. Usually, those who made a living in such a place were either trying to escape the fast-paced city life or had their own dreams. This restaurant clearly belonged to the latter category, with delicious food at affordable prices.

Li Qi asked, “Do you come here often?”

Lian Sijiao shook his head, “First time.”

After all, he lived alone and casually cooked his meals, so why would he have the leisure to come here and dine?

Li Qi asked again, “Do you like it here?”

“Why are you asking?”

“You seem different compared to before. When you stay here, you seem happier and more energetic.”

That was the truth. Lian Sijiao could adapt to the pace of city life, but he preferred a leisurely lifestyle like this. Daily life was simple and didn’t easily bother him. In comparison, Li Qi was someone who could live well even in the city.

“I quite like it.” Initially, he moved away from the city for the sake of preparing to go abroad and to have more time for self-study, also because of Li Qi. But eventually, he had been living this peaceful life for nearly two months and started to enjoy the tranquility.

“What will you do with the studio afterward?”

“I only rented the house until next month.”

“After you come back, don’t you plan to continue living here?”

Lian Sijiao shook his head, “That’s still too far ahead. I haven’t thought about that, let’s talk about it later.”

Li Qi didn’t ask further. After they finished dinner, he suggested, “Shall we take a walk?”

Lian Sijiao thought it was a good idea, and he could also show Li Qi the nearby shops for shopping.

They walked side by side, and suddenly Li Qi wanted to put his arm around Lian Sijiao’s shoulder, just like before. One of his greatest qualities was that he didn’t hide anything, even when it came to dating a man.

Lian Sijiao seemed to sense him getting closer and turned his head, asking, “What’s wrong?”

Li Qi’s intention was discovered, his mind went blank for a moment, and he inexplicably blurted out, “I still prefer the dishes you make.”

Lian Sijiao was stunned, a suspicious blush appearing on his face, but he pretended as if nothing happened and turned his head.

 Li Qi naturally placed his hand on Lian Sijiao’s shoulder, sensing Lian Sijiao tensing up for a moment. He immediately said, “This shouldn’t be too much, right?”

Lian Sijiao didn’t know what he was thinking, kept his head down, and remained silent. Upon closer inspection, his ears seemed to be slightly red.

It was indeed a strange situation. They had done everything before, and now their interaction felt like they were starting to date again. Li Qi remembered Lian Sijiao’s reaction when he kissed him last time—it wasn’t disgust or dislike, but rather a hesitant acceptance, a reluctant invitation. Li Qi didn’t believe that Lian Sijiao had no feelings for him anymore. Lian Sijiao’s current struggle and pain stemmed from having to leave and his fear of repeating the same mistake in their relationship.

Lian Sijiao didn’t have the courage, but Li Qi did. However, he needed to slowly break through Lian Sijiao’s defenses and make him let go of his guard.

Li Qi stopped thinking about everything and said again, “Before you leave, can I still…”

Have one more meal.

He muted the last sentence himself because Lian Sijiao suddenly turned his head, and Li Qi lowered his head as well. Their eyes met, the atmosphere was just right, and if they didn’t kiss now, that would be a wasted chance.

So Li Qi kissed him, his hand that was embracing Lian Sijiao’s shoulder slid down his back and rested on the nape of his neck. He thought Lian Sijiao would push him away or even slap him.

But he didn’t. Lian Sijiao let him kiss him.

They kissed.