Lack of Love

Zhong Qiran finally had a reaction this time. He shook his head and said, “I’m not cold.”

He was indeed not cold at the moment. After walking for over an hour, he was even feeling a bit warm. However, he knew that in this kind of weather, the warmth would quickly fade away, and he wouldn’t be able to endure it for long. He just didn’t want to rely on Yan Hao at a time like this.

Yan Hao lowered his hand, which he had been holding up in the air, seemingly unaffected. The two of them remained silent in this small space.

Zhong Qiran’s mind was in chaos, filled with thoughts of why Yan Hao would appear here. But he didn’t want to ask. Even if he got an answer about why Yan Hao was following him, what difference would it make? Even if Yan Hao denied it, they could never go back to the past.

Zhong Qiran drifted into a daze and leaned against the wall, eventually fell into a blurry sleep.

When he woke up, he felt the warmth surrounding him. He moved slightly and realized that Yan Hao’s blanket had somehow ended up covering him.

It was dark outside. The translucent glass windows were dim and lacked the intense glare of daylight. Two flashlights were turned on, their beams directed at the wall corner without being too dazzling.

Yan Hao had put back on his skiing attire and was huddled in the opposite corner, resting with his eyes closed. The melting snow caused his clothes to reflect a glistening sheen. Zhong Qiran knew that Yan Hao had rented this outfit, which had decent waterproof capabilities but didn’t provide much warmth. Yan Hao probably did it intentionally to avoid being recognized.Zhong Qiran looked at him for a while and inexplicably felt a bit softened. He also realized how childish he had been. In a life-or-death situation, it was Yan Hao who saved his life, yet he was still holding a grudge against him.

Yan Hao, unaware of whether he felt Zhong Qiran’s gaze or not, happened to open his eyes at that moment.

Their eyes met, and Zhong Qiran didn’t avoid it. “What time is it?”

“Eight o’clock in the evening,” Yan Hao replied while looking at his watch, then asked, “Are you thirsty?”

“Mm.” Zhong Qiran licked his lips and noticed the dryness. “Is there any water here?”

“We don’t have clean water, but we’ll have to make do.” Yan Hao brought a small wooden bucket and poured a cup of water for Zhong Qiran.

Zhong Qiran took it and noticed that there were some unmelted snowflakes floating in the cup, clearly from the outside.

Seeing that he hesitated to drink, Yan Hao thought he was concerned and said, “I fetched it from an area where nobody has been. It shouldn’t be too dirty.”

Zhong Qiran now finally understood why his outer clothes were so wet. He lowered his head, cradled the cup, and took a sip, treasuring it. It felt as if the previous Yan Hao had returned, and his eyes became slightly moist.

But the reality was that the current Yan Hao appeared to be emotionless. It seemed like he was just making the necessary survival preparations in the face of a disaster.

In a flat tone, Yan Hao said, “There’s no food here. We can only temporarily rely on melted snow to satisfy our hunger. The rescue team won’t take action tonight, so we’ll have to stay here overnight. Tomorrow morning, we’ll assess the situation and decide whether to stay or leave.”

When Yan Hao spoke these words, it sounded like he was giving orders. However, Zhong Qiran didn’t mind and silently nodded.

As time grew later, the temperature dropped.

Zhong Qiran saw that Yan Hao was shivering in the corner, but the man showed no signs of discomfort.

Zhong Qiran hesitated and felt a pang of sympathy. Unable to bear it any longer, he finally asked Yan Hao, “Do you want to come over?”

After observing Zhong Qiran for a while, Yan Hao seemingly had no internal struggle and quickly responded, “Okay.”

He took off his partially dry skiing attire, rubbed his hands and feet to warm them up, and then approached Zhong Qiran. He took the other half of the blanket and covered himself with it.

The two didn’t get too close, leaving some space in between, and cold air sneaked in.

Zhong Qiran felt a bit cold but didn’t know how to deal with it.

On the other hand, Yan Hao didn’t seem to overthink it. He naturally pulled Zhong Qiran’s waist and embraced him. It was a gesture he made very naturally, as if it were a habit accumulated over the years. It wasn’t until he snapped out of it that he realized what he had done.

Zhong Qiran’s head leaned against Yan Hao’s shoulder passively, unable to think anymore. He could intimately feel the other person’s body warmth, the familiar scent, and a feeling he didn’t want to admit… a feeling of attraction.

He had thought he could let go. But now he knew he couldn’t deceive himself. In the moment when he thought he was about to die buried in the snow, Yan Hao’s face still appeared in his mind.

Zhong Qiran remained silent. Yan Hao naturally didn’t speak first either.

Their bodies went from stiffness to adapting, and within a short span of a few seconds, it seemed as though the nearly two years of separation had no effect.

Suddenly, Zhong Qiran came to a realization and relaxed his body. They were in a life-or-death situation, not here to fall in love. A night of tenderness was enough for him.

Yan Hao was also thinking about something similar yet different from Zhong Qiran. He remembered the scene when they first met and were kidnapped, cuddling each other for warmth just like this. From being strangers to becoming familiar. He remembered that the group of criminals only cared about money and even injured them. They were stingy even with food and drink. His wound became infected and inflamed, and he had a high fever in the middle of the night. Zhong Qiran used his own drinking water to clean his wound without hesitation, even giving him the last sip.

Zhong Qiran patiently took care of him and tried to appease the criminals. Without him, he wouldn’t have lasted in the hands of the kidnappers.

He knew that these experiences were all from his own memory, with no falsehood, and the images were very clear, but the emotions felt unfamiliar.

Yan Hao became lost in thought, unconsciously holding Zhong Qiran tighter. He wanted to retrieve all the missing pieces, but he couldn’t find the way. Zhong Qiran might be his last hope. Only when he saw him did he feel like he was acting more like a person.

At this moment, Zhong Qiran’s voice calmly rang out, “Why are you holding onto me?”

Zhong Qiran struggled for a long time before asking this question. He knew that pondering over this question was meaningless, but he really wanted to know what Yan Hao was thinking, what he was thinking when he saved him.

“I don’t know.” Yan Hao didn’t understand either. With the crisis happening before his eyes, his body just acted. “I just can’t watch you die.”

He also didn’t know if it was because the act of protecting Zhong Qiran during the car accident had become ingrained in him, leading to this reflexive action.

Zhong Qiran didn’t say anything else. He closed his eyes and leaned against Yan Hao’s embrace.

In the middle of the night, it started snowing heavily outside. The sound of the wind howled as it passed by, and the old wooden cabin’s exterior creaked under the force of the snowstorm, as if it could collapse at any moment.

Zhong Qiran moved because it was getting colder. He constantly felt the wind seeping in through the gaps. His instincts were correct; a certain wooden board in a corner had corroded, creating a small hole.

Yan Hao stood up and stuffed his skiing jacket into the leaking hole. When he returned to the blanket, Zhong Qiran was still shivering from the cold.

Yan Hao seemed to be deep in thought, as if he had thought about many things, yet also as if he hadn’t thought about anything at all. He held Zhong Qiran’s hand and started rubbing it to warm it up. He knew that Zhong Qiran had poor blood circulation and was very sensitive to the cold.

Zhong Qiran didn’t refuse Yan Hao’s kindness. He thought that this might be his last chance, and there might not be another opportunity in the future. He even leaned against Yan Hao on his own, pressing his freezing face against the other’s chest.

The distance between them was too close, and the hot breath they exhaled seemed to merge together.

They were familiar with each other’s bodies to an intimate degree. With just a small unconscious movement, they could understand each other’s needs.

So, at this moment, Zhong Qiran faintly felt that Yan Hao seemed to have a reaction. He paused, raised his head, and happened to meet the other person’s pitch-black eyes. Without thinking, he blurted out, “Do you want to?”