Looking for My Fiancé's Lover

It was already night.

I woke up very late at night, well aware of where I was without even looking around. It must have been Entera’s castle.

It was close to half-dreaming, but I vaguely remembered walking slowly to a nearby bedroom. There were days when I would spend the entire time in the Entera estate. Perhaps Caron had sent our family carriage back to Ezelot with a letter. The only problem was probably that I fell asleep too early, so my mind was quite clear now.

Without holding a lantern, I quietly opened the door and headed into the hallway. The time was past midnight, and the calm coolness of late spring wrapped around my body. I went down to the hall on the first floor, dragging off my slippers. In the dark castle, only my footsteps and breathing sounded…or so I thought. Suddenly, there was a dull metal sound coming from outside.

Clang, Clang!

At once, goosebumps arose from below my waist to just above my neck. When I opened the unlocked door to go out of the castle, the refreshing scent of grass rushed in like a storm and I went toward the metal sound. I didn’t have to go far. The source of the sound was near a small outdoor warehouse behind the castle.

“Huff, huff…”

“No matter how many times I point it out, it doesn’t change at all. For the next two days, practice relaxing your shoulders. If you keep your body tense and move like that, your muscles will be damaged while swinging the sword.”

“Ye-yes… I will keep that in mind.”

“It’s getting late, so go in. Try not to make a fuss.”

“Thank you!”

The boy bowed toward the tall man, shoved his sword into the scabbard, and turned his back. The little boy, barely fifteen, struggled to move his steps and came towards me. I held my breath and leaned against the wall to hide in the darkness. Fortunately, the boy disappeared into the castle without noticing my presence.

The man who was teaching the boy swordsmanship was Pancion. Perhaps because he had such a low, calm voice, I could make out just a few words. After the boy left, Pancion, who was left alone, lit a cigarette. His face was visible for a very brief moment at the burning light, and he looked quite tired. His body was slender enough to believe that he was similar to Caron just by looking at its outline.

“Can I try smoking, too?”

The visibly flinched back turned around. It was clear that he would look at me with wary eyes, so I moved quickly and revealed my appearance. Even though I stood two steps away, Pancion did not recognise my face, and there was a glint of confusion in his eyes.

Do-don’t tell me that he has forgotten me?

Made sense. We had only had two conversations at most so far. As soon as I realised that fact, a flush of heat ran across my face.

“Do-, do you remember me?”

“…Are you a maid?”

He seemed unsure even after he said it himself. I couldn’t have looked like a maid no matter how light my nightgown was.

“No. It’s Katrina Ezelot. I am Caron’s friend from the Ezelot family.”

At my words, Pancion’s expression became even more distorted. The look on his face from before was suspicion, but I couldn’t even read what he was thinking now.

He stared at me for a while in the awkward atmosphere, and then opened his mouth with a sigh.

“I see. Come to think of it, there was only one person who could surprise me at a time like this, the young lady.”

He let out a flat chuckle and took a step back, blowing out smoke. Under the night sky, thick smoke hung like a cloud and disappeared seconds later.

“How have you been? You grew up so unrecognisable that I almost made a mistake.”

Unlike the dry air, his voice was gentle and serene. Was I still dreaming? Such that Pancion’s voice sounded gentle and calm?

He felt a little different from the Pancion Entera in my memory. If the previous Pancion was a frigid and formal knight like cast iron, the man in front of me seemed relaxed and at ease for some reason. It was said that war changed many invisible things.

Lockherd over that long period felt rougher than an unsanded board, but Pancion was the exact opposite. Nezar seemed to be the only one whose appearance remained the same as before. Could the ‘impregnable fortress’ have been Nezar, not Pancion?

“Yes, I am fine. Sir Pancion…No, I’m glad the young duke looks healthy as well.”

At my remarks, he smiled faintly. It was strange to face the expression which I had always seen under the sun in the dark of dawn. I thought it was a kind and friendly smile, but it was somewhat stiff, perhaps because it was covered by the blurry smoke.

“What are you doing out here at this late hour?”

“I passed out too early on, so now I can’t sleep. I didn’t think there would be other people besides me who couldn’t sleep. If you don’t mind, can I smoke too?”

With a pinky-length cigarette in his mouth, Pancion handed me a white pipe. As I looked around, smelled its scent curiously, and wet my lips nervously, he held out a crudely shaped lighter.

“Haven’t you smoked before?”

“Yes.”

“That’s surprising. Once I light it, inhale deeply.”

What does he mean by ‘surprising’?

A bright red flame was ignited right in front of me.

Whenever I attended a tea party, I couldn’t remember seeing one woman in the room who didn’t enjoy smoking. Caron, who had a weak bronchus, refrain from it, still, she often smoked while horseback riding.

Could it be because of the memories from the previous life? Perhaps so that I had a very negative perception of smoking, but I began to be curious about how many people, regardless of gender or age, enjoyed smoking here.

As there was no sunlight and my vision was darkened, I suddenly was full of confidence for no reason. Or maybe it’s because I met Pancion in a half-asleep state. Whatever the reason, the important thing was that I was experiencing the taste of cigarette for the first time at this moment.

My thought on it was quite simple. Horrible.

“Cough, cough…It’s exactly how I imagined it.”

What part of this did people find appealing? The smoke that passed down my throat aside, the smoke burning from the pipe was the worst.

It was impossible to throw it away though, considering Pancion’s sincerity. I dropped the hand with the cigarette down, far from my face and exhaled the smoke.

“The first impression is not very sweet. But for some reason,…”

Unintentionally, I crumpled my face and looked at Pancion. His cigarette had already turned into a cold butt after rolling in an ashtray on an outdoor table.

“..It would be weird if everyone smokes but I don’t.”

He shrugged his shoulders lightly in response, and smiled lightly.

“Is it really that weird if you don’t do it when others do?”

“Rather than that… Doing something different from others makes you stand out. I don’t think it’s very pleasant.”

“You speak as if you have had a similar experience.”

It was a somewhat awkward question, but I answered briefly.

“That’s right. I am not a very social person.”

Especially after Nezar, who had always been by my side, left, the fact hit me even harder. In the first place, not being able to make friends other than Caron for over five years was never normal. Come to think of it, having a casual conversation like this with others was not a situation I was used to.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing. You are sociable enough to me.”

“I am? Are you serious? Which part of me?”