Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today

Hui ran along. The instant he saw a boulder, he hurtled toward it and smashed it apart. All around him, cracks, snaps, and crumbling sounded as other cultivators did the same, all of them equally desperate to be free of the scourge of Ding Lao.

Ding Lao flitted from one to the next, his eyes gleaming. “What devotion! What determination! All of you… can it be? Have you finally seen the light of body cultivation? The one, true Dao of muscles? Ah! How wonderful!”

“Not enough!”

“Weak!”

“If I can destroy you—simply not enough!”

Hui struck down yet another boulder. Light flashed from within, and he paused, startled. What…?

Cracked apart, the boulder swung open to reveal crystals growing within. Hui’s eyes widened. Another geode! Like the amethyst cicadas’ dwelling ground. These… I should study these crystals, too!

He glanced around. All around him, cultivators shouted out and smashed stones. Ding Lao chased after them, eyes glimmering, caught up in the beauty of sparkling muscles and flying sweat. The second he vanished from Hui’s sight, Hui dove at the ground. He burrowed into it, carving out a small hollow in the roots of the tree. Hui grabbed the geode and retreated into the cave he’d carved. He smacked the roof as he entered, caving the entrance in.

Hui circulated qi to his hand, making it glow. He stood in a small cave, barely big enough to stand in and narrow enough he could touch the walls with his hands from sitting in the center. Between him and the nearly-him-sized geode, the cave was barely wide enough to feel anything less than claustrophobic. Roots made up the ceiling, bare wood arcing away above him. Hard-packed earth shaped the walls and floor. Hui glanced around, then nodded, satisfied.

“Sweat and muscles are all well and good, but ultimately, they aren’t suited for this small cultivator! It’s time for my path to diverge from Ding Lao. Thank you for your guidance, senior, but this small cultivator takes his leave from here!” He bowed toward the entrance of his cave.

Plopping down in the center of the cave, Hui drew the geode toward him, then hesitated. He reached into his storage ring and drew out the barrier talismans, tossing a few around the small cave until he was completely sealed out from the outside world. He stood and knocked on the walls, then nodded to himself. I don’t think I should do something as obvious as open Bai Xue’s ‘gift’ or blatantly use my death qi, but a little cultivation shouldn’t draw anyone’s attention.

Sitting once more, he turned the crystalized part toward himself and gazed into it, sinking into the spiky depths. Half in a trance, he popped another amethyst cicada pill. Focusing on both at once, he studied the crystals, both the crystal in the geode, and the crystal beast essence inside the pill. The two merged and resonated, calling out to one another and clashing at the same time. His brows furrowed. His lips pressed together.

Crystals. Crystals…

In his mind, a crystal snapped off the geode. Time passed. Where the old crystal had been, a new spine grew, forming out of the mother rock.

The geode cracked open. A crystal snapped off. This time, nothing grew. The crystal remained there, unchanging, slowly eroding.

Hui’s eyes snapped open. My instincts were right! Crystals are the right choice. Under the right conditions, crystals can regrow and heal. Under the wrong conditions, they lay still, never healing! If I manage to cultivate a crystalline body, I can assimilate their regenerative powers, without the baggage of having permanent, always-on regeneration! Create the wrong conditions and play dead, gruesome wounds and all! Create the right conditions, and regrow! As long as the mother rock remains and the conditions are right, the crystals can latch on and grow.

Then… first, I need to create a mother rock in my body. An anchor for the crystals. A permanent, unchanging part of myself, around which my fleshly body can regenerate!

But… what should I use for that?

Hui sat there, thinking, his chin in his hand. He shook his head. I need to find an anchor! A suitable material for an anchor…

Ah! The quasi-immortal shed snake skin… if only I hadn’t merged it into the ghoulskin!

No, no, it’s important for the ghoulskin. It makes the ghoulskin an incredible armor. I don’t have any regrets. Instead… I should focus on finding a new item or material to use as an anchor for my fleshly body.

But what?

Rumbling sounded overhead. Hui looked up. Before he had time to be startled, the roof caved in, and Ding Lao appeared, piercing through his barriers as though they didn’t exist. Hui stared, open-mouthed and flabbergasted, as Ding Lao brushed down his robes casually and looked around. His eyes landed on Hui, and he smiled.

“Junior Brother, what are you doing in here? Don’t tell me, after all that, is that pitiful boulder all the more you could find?”

Hui’s jaw worked silently, no words coming to him. He stared for another few seconds, then slapped his cheeks. Get it together, Hui! Think, think! How do I get away from this musclehead? Hey! Leave me to body-cultivate in peace, elder brother! Who do you think you are, knocking on the door of my cave and shouting while I’m deeply immersed in cultivating my body?

Eh… something in the phrasing there… feels off?

“Well… if it can’t be helped… Elder Brother can find a suitable boulder for you,” Ding Lao said, smiling sheepishly. Almost embarrassed, he rubbed the back of his head and cast around.

“NO! No,” Hui said. He jumped to his feet and cast around, then stretched and laughed. “Elder Brother, you see, this small cultivator realized… the rocks above ground, they’re all… horribly inferior! The true boulders are all underground!”

Ding Lao frowned. “Is… that so?”

Hui nodded firmly. “Elder Brother, please forgive this small cultivator. I was merely… listening to the earth, to find out where the greatest boulders are! And I can tell… the greatest boulder of all… is in that direction!”

So saying, Hui pointed blindly with great conviction.

Ding Lao’s eyes sparkled. “Incredible! What devotion! Junior Brother, I apologize for ever suspecting you of slacking off. Please, let me see what magnificent boulder you will find!”

From outside the cave, voices sounded.

“Ah! Underground, what a magnificent thought! I, too, must find a boulder so magnificent!"

“This newcomer—I won’t let him show me up! I need a truly powerful boulder, at least as powerful as his!”

“Yes, yes, all these surface boulders… simply too deficient! Only underground boulders are strong enough for us!”

Bowing to Ding Lao, Hui leaped at the earth in the direction he’d pointed. Using his bare hands, he carved into the earth.

Ding Lao stood there, watching him for another few seconds, then leaped out of Hui’s hole. “Everyone, I’m looking forward to the magnificent boulders you find!”

“Yes, of course!”

“Just you wait, Elder Brother. The boulder I find will be unrivaled under heavens!”

“When you see the boulder I’m after… ah! I’m afraid its magnificence might be too much for you to comprehend!”

All around Ding Lao, cultivators bored into the earth with their bare hands, searching out boulders. Standing atop a root, Ding Lao put a hand to his chin. As he watched them dig, quietly, he murmured to himself, “All I really wanted was for my fellow cultivators to learn the joy of cultivating their bodies through exercise. Whether they find boulders or not, as long as they’re exercising, I don’t mind.

“At this point… am I the one being scammed, or am I the one scamming them?”