Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today

Ying Lin spun around happily as they left the clothing store, all her master’s teasing forgotten. She wore a fine green-and-pink robe, the top pink and the bottom green, the two fading to white in the middle like a flower. The hems were short and practical to allow her to practice her newfound sword skills, and a white belt hung with a white jade lotus charm matched a white jade lotus charm in her hair.

“How do I look, how do I look?” Ying Lin asked, turning around for Hui to see.

“Very nice. Like a true fairy maiden,” Hui said, nodding. He fanned himself idly with the gold fan, quite pleased with his purchases. Now Ying Lin doesn’t look like we dragged her out of the gutter. In fact, you’d never guess she was once a servant! Now that she’s at third stage, her looks and complexion have improved significantly. It’s a bit of a problem that she hit third stage so young, but there’s no end of techniques to change one’s physical age, if she wants to age herself up later. Master had a… well, no. Master simply comprehended himself older. I’m not sure anyone can replicate that.

“Eh? But Master is the fairy,” Ying Lin said.

Hui’s expression soured, and Ying Lin laughed. “You still don’t like that, huh?”

“I never will,” Hui replied. I’m not a woman, alright? How did you even make that mistake in the first place? He snapped his fan shut and led the way onward.

Zhubi shifted slightly, giving the robes shop a longing look.

“You already have nice robes,” Hui chided him.

Zhubi blinked up at Hui, his big eyes round and hopeful.

“Zhubi, no. I don’t know how it might affect your physique or cultivation. After all, you’ve incompletely manifested. It might be that removing your robes is akin to scraping off your scales,” Hui explained.

Horrified, Zhubi clutched his robes to himself.

Ying Lin nodded approvingly. “That’s right, that’s right. Don’t give in!”

“But if we find out that’s not the case, we can always return,” Hui said, unable to hold back.

“Master!” Ying Lin protested. She shook her head, disappointed in him.

Zhubi nodded and settled back down, content to watch the city flow by once more.

They turned a corner and found themselves in a more residential part of town. Fewer cultivators moved around here, and the streets were smaller and narrower. Hui led the way past one grand compound after another, then paused before one of the smaller walled houses. “Here. I’m only renting it, so take good care of it.”

Ying Lin rushed into the courtyard, her eyes sparkling. She looked at the fine house, its gardens, and even the caretaker roaming the lawn, and finally breathed a sigh of relief. “Master, I’m so glad. You aren’t living like a pauper in some corner.”

Hey! Which clones gave her the impression we were some kind of pathetic, poor weaklings who had to sleep outside? I’ll beat you!

You’re too late. They’re already dead, Mortal replied mournfully.

And good thing, too, Sectgoer replied, unrepentant.

Aloud, Hui harrumphed. “Naturally not. I had money, so I rented this place. Making a name for myself as a merchant made it easier to find gossip than merely wandering from sect to sect looking for Li Xiang personally. And if I’m a merchant, how could I not have a fine house? It’s simply natural.”

“Li Xiang? Is that the name of the person Master is searching for?” Ying Lin asked.

Hui froze, then nodded. I let it slip on accident.

Ying Lin tilted her head. “Who is she to you?”

“She’s… everyone’s idol. The star disciple of Starbound Peak. The most beautiful cultivator in our sect, and the most outstanding swordswoman. Another of the last survivors of Starbound Sect. I have to find her if I want to fully revive the sect,” Hui explained.

Ying Lin shook her head. “Master, I meant… who is she, to you?”

Hui paused. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Tried again, but still nothing came out. At last, he sighed. “She’s… someone I admire greatly.”

“Master’s first love?” Ying Lin said, her eyes sparkling.

Hui smacked her on the head with his fan. “Where is your mind running off to? Even if I—if that were the case, it was only one-sided longing. She’s the strongest of my generation. She and I, even if, even if…”

“She’s definitely your first love!” Ying Lin insisted, nodding vigorously.

“Go practice your sword forms! Fifty times!” Hui snapped.

“Eh, but Master, my poor legs…”

“Exercising them will do them good. Go!”

Pouting, Ying Lin walked off into the house’s courtyard. A few moments later, the sound of a sword whistling through the air came from the space.

Hui sighed, fanning himself slowly. Li Xiang and I… Li Xiang and I. I like her, yes. Love? What even is love? Maybe once upon a time, I dreamed of a future with her, but now, but now…

Now, I still dream. Hui realized it suddenly and rubbed his face, exhausted with himself. I sent two clones to search for her, even when I only had five active clones. That’s as many as I sent to investigate All Heavens Sect. Li Xiang is the knot in my heart. I’m afraid to think about her, afraid to touch that knot, afraid to admit it aloud, because… I can’t be sure she feels the same.

It isn’t like with Bai Xue. Well, with Bai Xue, even if there was no love and only like, it wouldn’t matter, not to her, anyways. With Li Xiang… it would be her everything. Me and her, forever, or not at all. She’s so straightforward that there’s no other way. In some ways, I can see the reflection of our relationship in Bao Huli and Ji Taiyu. One having to hide, to lie, to fake… someone bathed in the darkness, who can never be truly, simply light. The other so straightforward, so full of light that it’s impossible to deviate them from their pureheartedness. For Bao Huli and Ji Taiyu, did it work? Ji Taiyu seemed to accept her, but… but! But! There’s always a but. And when it comes to me and Li Xiang, it’s exactly the same.

Am I the best match for Li Xiang? Am I someone who can reflect that light of hers and magnify it? Or am I clinging to that light, smothering it, because I’m afraid of the darkness in my own heart?

I’m afraid. I’m supposed to be looking for Li Xiang, but how hard have I been looking? I’ve spent most of my time amassing money as a merchant, buying houses, making a name for myself, and when I find out at last, it’s as a result of Wildman’s efforts.

I’m afraid I’ll be rejected. And with someone as straightforward as Li Xiang, how could there be a second time?

Hui shook his head. He sighed and wandered into the house, sitting down on one of the benches. He set Zhubi beside him. The boy crawled off the bench and played with a tassel dangling from one of its cushions, batting it back and forth. Every so often, he stopped and clapped his hands or reached out to touch something new, fascinated with simply having limbs.

“Zhubi, I’m a coward,” Hui said quietly.

Zhubi paused. He looked up at Hui, down at the tassel, up at Hui, then went back to batting at the tassel.

“I can’t face her. Even now, I’m stalling. Wildman had more bravery than I did, rushing off toward her with no hesitation.” He sighed again, heavily this time, and slumped down the wall. “All us clones… we’re all different. Just a little. And I think… I think I got a double serving of cowardice.”

Zhubi crawled back up and thumped Hui on the chest with his little paws, looking into Hui’s eyes.

Hui laughed. “I’ll always have you, huh? I know, I know. Bai Xue, too… are you all trying to reassure me?”

Zhubi hissed.

“Even Ying Lin thinks I have bad habits… No! I have to. For the sake of the sect, for the sake of everyone, I have to find Li Xiang. For her own sake, too. If I revive the sect without her knowledge, she’d never forgive me. Focus on that, Hui. Focus on that. We can do this.” Hui slapped his cheeks and stood, only to see the setting sun.

He paused, then shrugged. “Tomorrow.”

Zhubi shook his head.

From around the corner, Ying Lin did as well. “He’s hopeless.”