Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today

A cultivator in brown darted ahead, chasing after a glimmering seven-colored rabbit. As he ran, a man in black atop a duck swooped past. The rabbit broke left, vanishing into the brush.

Frustrated, the cultivator fired a single glowing-red arrow after the man in black. The arrow accurately struck the breast of the duck the man flew on, and the cultivator held his breath, suddenly concerned. He has no defenses? He didn’t dodge? Did I just murder his spirit beast? Me and my temper… Ah, whatever. If I face another blood feud, then I’ll take it! Come at me! My arrows will pierce you through from miles away, long before you can strike me!

The red arrow faded to black, then crumbled away, falling as ash into the forest. The duck flapped on, unaware of the arrow strike.

The cultivator swallowed. Shit. His spirit beast wasn’t even tickled by my arrow. Thank goodness he didn’t notice! Crouching dragons are hidden everywhere in this trial. Hiding his bow away, he skulked off into the forest, forgetting all about the seven-colored rabbit.

Under Hui, the death duck shook itself off. Hui held on tight until it settled again. He glanced down, confused. “What was that?”

The duck quacked, bending its head down to adjust its belly feathers.

“Huh,” Hui said. Too bad I don’t speak duck. Luckily, the duck doesn’t seem too bothered about it.

Zhubi hissed at him a few times, then nodded. He looked up at Hui expectantly.

Er… I don’t speak snake either. Hui carefully patted his head around the hairdo Bai Xue had done for him. “Yes, yes. That’s right.”

Zhubi frowned at him, then shook his head. He hissed at the death duck.

The death duck shook its head and quacked back in commiseration.

What? Don’t blame me for not speaking animal! You don’t speak human, dammit!

Shaking his head, Rogue pressed on. As he climbed the mountain, the trees grew thinner and smaller, more reedy and slender, the leaves small to shiver in the stiff mountain wind. Evergreens took over, and the underbrush grew sparser and weedy, composed of grasses instead of bushes.

He peered ahead, frowning. I can pretty much see through the forest here, but I don’t see anything, let alone a massive wolf like Senior Wolf. Is the Mountain Lord actually waiting for us? Or did the pangolin just send us up here for laughs?

Eh, it’s not like I understand where to go with this trial anyways. Can’t hurt to climb the peak. If nothing else, I’ll get a good view of the overall trial, and I might be able to spot where to go from here.

As they approached the peak, Hui dismissed the duck and dropped to the ground. He lifted Zhubi off his shoulders and led the snake up the rocky slope. No one waited atop it, not a wolf nor anything else.

Rogue sighed. I suppose you can’t go around trolling without also getting trolled. He turned to Zhubi. “Shall we head back down and figure out this trial?”

“Young man.”

Hui whirled, startled. A woman with wild grey hair stood atop the peak, dressed in ragged gray and white robes. A wolf pelt hung over her shoulder, the head clasped to her chest.

Immediately, Hui dropped into a bow. “Mountain Lord.”

The woman stalked over to him. Her feet appeared in his view, clad in gray fur slippers. She grabbed onto his robes and hefted him up, sniffing his neck.

E-eh? Senior… What are you sniffing me for?

“I knew it. Where’s that cheating bastard?” the Mountain Lord snarled.

“Wh…who?” Hui stammered. Cheating bastard?

She harrumphed. “Don’t play coy, you harlot. His scent is all over you. Even if it’s been years, I can still sniff him out! Where’d he run off to?”

“Harlot? Er… you’re drastically misunderstanding something, Senior! If it’s Senior Wolf you’re looking for, he’s… he’s back on Master’s peak!” Rogue declared boldly, fearlessly selling the wolf out. I’m not covering for you, Senior Wolf! You’ve never helped me. If you’re running from your wife, do it on your own time!

“Hmm? Harlot, you aren’t going to deny it?” the Mountain Lord asked, taken aback.

Hui straightened and fixed his robes, casually extricating them from the Mountain Lord’s hands. “Senior. I do deny being your husband’s lover. I have no interest in wolves… or men. However, I have encountered a fellow wolf like yourself—”

“Like myself!” the Mountain Lord huffed, shaking her head.

“—greatly inferior to yourself, and yet still reminiscent, in my travels. He’s—” Rogue paused. As much as I’m completely willing to sell out Senior Wolf, if I admit knowing where he is, I’m basically admitting to being Weiheng Hui!

“He’s…?” the Mountain Lord prompted.

Hui licked his lips. “Senior, although I would love to tell you right now… I cannot do it as I am.”

“Can you do it dead?” she asked, raising her claws.

“No no no! Senior, if I’m dead… the knowledge dies with me, and I—I am truthfully the only one left in this realm who can tell you where your husband has run off to!” Hui replied quickly. Master has ascended to Immortality, and if anyone else in the sect knew about Senior Wolf… they’re all dead right now! Truly, I’m the only one in this realm who knows!

She sniffed. “You don’t smell like you’re lying… but you do smell like a plant, and plants don’t smell like lying.”

“Senior, have you ever smelled your husband on anyone else?” Rogue asked. I’m taking a risk here, but I need her to believe me! This might be the break I need to recruit powerful spirit beasts from these mountains!

“Once, I smelled it on an Inner Peak Lord and a few of his men,” the Mountain Lord murmured.

Ah! That must be Gui Delun, when he returned from Starbound Sect! “And I know exactly why. Senior—”

“I could always eat you and go ask them again,” she mused.

“No, no, no. Senior, listen. They only have an idea of where your husband is. I not only know exactly where he is, but I know him. I know how to get in to where he is, and he trusts me. I can draw him out of hiding,” Rogue argued.

The Mountain Lord paused. She narrowed her eyes at him. “How?”

Rogue bit his lip. “Senior, I can’t reveal all my secrets…”

“I am rather hungry,” the Mountain Lord murmured.

Beside Rogue, Zhubi stood on his tiptoes and hissed at her.

She snorted. “Little snake, do you want to fight me? Do you think you can become Mountain Lord?”

He hissed more fiercely, baring his fangs at her.

Hui put his hand out, barring Zhubi from lunging forward. Zhubi, you tiny fifth-realm snake, don’t tell me you can’t recognize your betters? Right now, you’re being a tiny pomeranian barking wildly at a huge slavering husky! If she wanted to, she could eat you up in one big gulp! Restraint, Zhubi, restraint!

The Mountain Lord faked a lunge at him. Zhubi instantly stiffened and fell over backward, playing dead.

Ah… yes, that’s more what I’d expect. Hui bent and picked up Zhubi. Zhubi rolled over in his arms to most dramatically flop over his arms backward, fully revealing his belly in a ‘dead’ pose. Shaking his head at Zhubi, Hui turned back to the Mountain Lord. “I can’t prove anything right now, Senior, but if you give me time, I can absolutely lead you to that husband of yours. Or… you can eat me and this precocious snake right now, and lose your only hint forever. Senior… I leave it in your hands. Small cultivator appreciates that he has no chance against a great and glorious Mountain Lord such as yourself.”

She hummed thoughtfully.

Come on. You barely want to kill us, but you’ve been searching for your husband for… for no more than a hundred or so years, given how long Master was a Peak Lord but—but that could still be a very long time! Don’t give up on finding your husband for a moment’s meal! Surely Mountain Lord has that much patience?

At last, the Mountain Lord nodded. “You must tell me soon. But I am willing to put off your devouring until you tell me.”

Hmm. It isn’t the most solid foundation on which to form a great relationship wherein Mountain Lord agrees to overthrow the sect alongside me… but it’s a start. Hui bowed. “Thank you, Mountain Lord.”

“Come back tomorrow. I won’t allow you to escape me like that husband of mine did.” She paused, then grabbed Hui and rubbed him against her neck.

“Eh—eh? Senior?” Hui asked, startled.

“Now you’re marked. I can find you anywhere, so don’t you dare run away,” she declared.

“Like your husband?” Rogue muttered under his breath.

The Mountain Lord whirled around.

Rogue ducked away, whipping Zhubi away from her vengeful claws. “Senior, please forgive me! Senior, my tongue slipped! I admit my fault, I admit it!”