Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today

Bai Xue drew his fan. Li Xiang stepped ahead of them all, brandishing her sword.

Hui glared upward. “Erlan!”

The demonic expert balanced atop his calligraphy brush, a sketchpad clutched tightly in his arms. He hovered before them, his back to half of the lotus girl, the other half sprawled in front of him, still burning merrily. He shook his head at them and tittered, salt-and-pepper ponytail dancing behind him. “Too soon, too soon. She wasn’t a masterpiece yet. No, no, it’s no good.”

“Stay out of this. She’s dead,” Bai Xue declared.

“Mmm, is that what you think?” Erlan opened his sketchpad to an empty page and pointed it at half of the lotus girl.

Li Xiang darted forward. Bai Xue caught her by the wrist and pulled her back. “No!”

Moments later, wind began to spiral toward the sketchpad. A black void opened on the page. The half of the lotus girl flew upward, drawn toward Erlan’s sketchpad. A moment later, a stylized ink drawing appeared on his page, an ink drawing that looked remarkably like the half of the lotus girl. Even the flames were caught in perfect, simple strokes.

“Oh? I wouldn’t mind a bargain deal,” Erlan said, chuckling. He checked over the page, taking in the artwork. Nodding to himself, he smiled. “Beautiful, beautiful. Oh, the potential!”

Hui closed his eyes and activated his skin-sloughing technique. His skin broke free. Through the gap in his skin, he watched Erlan, waiting until the man lifted the book up toward his face. In that moment, Hui shucked out of his skin and yanked his spare dark robes on, leaving the skin standing beside the girls in his white robes.

Slowly, he scooted away from the girls, toward the other half of the lotus girl. He glanced at Erlan, but the expert was busy examining his own sketchbook. Half a step at a time, Hui inched away around the side, out of Erlan’s line of sight.

“Ah! There!”

Hui froze, eyes wide.

Erlan jabbed his finger at something in his book and laughed. “Right, right, I remember that.”

Not discovered yet. Phew. Daring a few glances in Erlan’s direction, afraid the expert would sense his gaze, Hui continued to edge away. At last, he could see the back of the other man’s head. He let out a relieved sigh and rubbed his brow.

From the other side of Erlan, Bai Xue stared, his brows furrowed, and gave Hui a What? look. Li Xiang tipped her head, confused.

Hui glanced up.

Erlan flipped through his sketchbook, absorbed in his study. Occasionally, he paused to appreciate a page or shake his head at something drawn there.

Hui lunged for the lotus girl. Slashing, he cut a lotus pill and a chunk of her goopy, plant innards out of her center and pulled it out. Sticky sap clung to his hands, the lotus girl’s flesh cold, moist, and squishy, like the inside of a squash or a pumpkin. Still, he clutched tight to it, afraid to let the bare lotus pill touch his skin.

On his neck, Zhubi lifted himself up to get a better look at the pill. He let out a quiet hiss and swayed side-to-side, leaning toward it.

Absorbed in his book, Erlan turned another page and chuckled. Hui glanced to the left, where a huge lump of rubble laid against the ground. Holding the pill cupped in his hands, he inched toward it. Just… a few more steps!

At last, Erlan found another empty page. He nodded to himself, then lifted the sketchbook and turned, pointing it at the other half of the lotus girl. Her body twitched, then spiraled toward the sketchbook, the same as the other half.

“Eh? Weren’t you… over there?” Erlan asked, frowning at Hui. He glanced over his shoulder, then back at Hui. His eyes dipped down from Hui’s face to the sopping lump of lotus girl and lotus girl’s pill in his hands. Erlan frowned.

Hui’s stomach dropped out of him. Hui, what were you thinking? Isn’t this probably what Erlan is after? And you stole it right in front of him! Ah, those who do not seek death will not die, so why are you seeking death?

“Er, ah, aha,” Hui stuttered, then swallowed and bowed, holding the lump out before him. “This small disciple was merely gathering the spoils of battle, but now that I look more closely, this clearly suits elder well! Your elegance deserves such a beauteous, lustrous pearl of a pill. Small disciple was clearly mistaken in taking it!”

Erlan’s frown deepened, but then a smile broke over his face. He chuckled. “Aren’t you a polite disciple. If only all our disciples knew how to speak like you, we wouldn’t have so many conflicts in the sect.” So saying, he descended toward Hui, reaching for the pill.

Seconds before his hand closed over it, Zhubi darted out from Hui’s neck and slithered down his arm. In one gulp, he swallowed down both the chunk of lotus girl and the pill.

Hui froze, hands still out, still bent in a bow.

Satisfied, Zhubi let out a hearty sigh and wriggled back up to Hui’s neck, fat and happy.

What do I do now? How am I supposed to fix this? Hui’s brain churned, desperately trying to come up with a plan. Nothing came out. His mind was blank, ascending to the perfect state of zen.

Ah, not now, not now, brain! If you ever want to make noise, do it now! Don’t give up on me!

Nothing. A pure white horizon, utterly free of any clever plans or tricks.

Hui blinked, then clamped down on his qi. He went limp and collapsed to the floor. Argh, when all else fails, play dead!

Around his neck, Zhubi faithfully joined in and rolled belly-up.