My Psychotic Ghost Girlfriend

I definitely won't say I love you again. When we part ways, we will never meet again. Why I'm going this far is just a self serving way of repentance for failing to help you in the past. That is all. You were the woman I loved, you were also the woman I feared the most. Yet, you also turned out to be a woman I loved to the very end despite how much I may try to self delude myself to think otherwise.

But I don't deserve you. I couldn't be there for you when the heavy reality of the situation was too difficult for me to accept. The weight of your baggage was too much for me. However… now that you have another chance at happiness, I don't dare take that away from you. Despite everything that's happened between us, I love you, but no matter what I've seen of your past, in the end, I still don't feel like I truly know you.

"Say something!"

"..."

Ah... I made her cry.

Silent tears trickled down her cheeks as she bit down onto her lips in frustration while holding herself back, not letting out a single sob.

I'm tired... so tired… but… we're finally here. With wobbly unstable legs and trembling arms, I took my final step out pasg the treeline and discovered my car a few meters away in the ditch.

I made my way down the slope towards the car. When I reached it, I was slightly fearful and had the most horrifying thought of all time. It was truly a nightmare no man would ever wish to face after a long and treacherous journey.

…

Did I have my keys on me still?

…

Thank god! May the lords have mercy on my poor soul. If I'd dropped them somewhere in the woods or at the mansion I'd be better off killing myself. That would have been way too embarrassing and lame after all the build up and drama that went into just getting back to my damn car. Literally, all my heartfelt emotions would have turned into the cruel bunt of some sick bastard's twisted punchline.

With the gods on my side, I opened the door and picked up Adele who I'd put down on the hood just moments before I was panicking like a mad man digging through my pockets while looking for the keys.

Somehow, the sudden break in tension made all the fatigue fly away. Don't get me wrong, I was still physically exhausted to the extreme, but the mental strain after making it out in one piece left me ecstatic. Better yet, I didn't hallucinate the entire w-

STOP! Don't say it, me! Or rather, don't you dare think it!

I'm not hallucinating right now, I definitely made it out alive and I'm not actually collapsed somewhere deep in the woods right now. I'm not going to suddenly close my eyes and wake up to find the scenery flipped on its side. That's definitely not going to happen.

However, the more I thought about it, the more paranoid I got. Things had gone far too smoothly. Was I simply deceiving myself, or was I truly home free right now? Of course, Adele, thankfully interrupted my overly worried train of thoughts and brought me back to reality.

"What are you just standing there for? Put me down already. The sooner I'm away from you, the better. I really hate guys like you the most."

I could have said something, but I followed her wishes and gently let her down on top of the passenger side seat inside the car. I buckled her in, closed the door, and without another word, made my way towards the driver's side, supporting my weight on the edge of the car's body.

I didn't bother to rest, instead we immediately departed. I wanted to return home and get a good night's sleep as soon as possible. This whole ordeal had taken a heavy toll on me.

Adele tried to get me to at least take a short nap first, but I ignored her wishes and floored it instead. There were a few close calls here and there on the journey back to the city, but Adele gave me a good slap on the face and woke me up every time I started to look groggy. After a night and day's journey, we reached the city with my face in the form of a swollen pancake. Adele didn't look like she felt guilty about slapping me at all; rather, she looked like she'd managed to vent some of her frustrations on me.

Both mentally tired and physically exhausted, there was one last thing I needed to do. I needed to drop her off at the hospital so she could be checked out by a doctor. If I explained the situation to the doctor, Adele might have a shot of being released from that mental asylum if she's able to show she's mentally stable now. She'd likely be hospitalized for her legs though.

"Hey, Mister, it'll only make me feel worse if you do anything more for me, so just drop me off here. I can just take the bus home or something."

"Don't worry about it. I'll drop you off at the hospital so you can get your legs checked on."

"Ah. You finally talked again. I thought you'd gone dumb."

I shot her a glare where she returned a lonely smile my way and said, "it's fine, Mister. You've already done too much for me. I can't trouble you any further than this."

"Just shut up and let me take you to the hospital. The sooner I do that, the sooner I can go to sleep without any concerns."

"Were you worried about me the entire time? Is that why you pushed yourself so hard?"

"Hah? Of course not. I just wanted to get home in time to record my favourite show. There's also an important sale at a supermarket nearby that I absolutely can't miss out on."

"Eh? You're just making things up because you're embarrassed, right?"

"Does this face look like I'm joking with you?"

"No way, right? Didn't you do all that for my sake?"

"Why would I do something like that for some stranger?"

"You're contradicting yourself. You would have just left and abandoned me if you thought of me as a mere stranger."

"You're overthinking things. It would just weigh on my mind if I knowingly let someone die when I could have saved them."

In truth, it wouldn't bother me much if it was a real stranger; but if it's her, I've already confirmed that it would heavily weigh on my heart if she really died.

"You're a liar, Mister."

"I'm not lying. I only tell the truth."

Because everything I say is riddled with lies and deceit. It's human nature to lie after all.

"I don't understand you."

"And you never will."

Nor will I ever be able to understand you any further than I presently do. At least, the old you, now that she's gone that is. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'll probably never find any answers to the questions I had for the old you.

What did you love about me?

What made you go crazy for me?

What did you see in me?

Was there any meaning to us being together or was everything a lie?

What if it was all just a simple dream?

Was there really a time when we existed together?

Or was everything a self deluded nightmare that spanned eight years from the moment I met you?

What is real and what is fake?

What if it's not you that doesn't have her memories of me, but instead me who's constructed false memories of you in my head over eight years, only to snap out of it now?

Wouldn't that make me the crazy one in this horrific and twisted love story?

Just the thought of it alone left me terrified. Perhaps it would be the most horrific realization of all should that be true.

Some would even be led to say, my life was but a fleeting dream; where the truth was only a subset of false preconceptions about the world, society, and the people around me.

Who am I really at the end of all this?

The victim? Or the true psychopath?

Volume 1 End