My Psychotic Ghost Girlfriend

"Then… do you remember how my car was in the shop for a slashed tire?"

Eh? What does this have to do with that? It doesn't, right?

"Yeah… I remember. What about it?"

"Well... I had to take the bus this morning. I paid my fare as one would expect and I arrived at work today. I thought I'd be able to save some money on the way back home as well if I got you to drive me home, but then you didn't show up to work."

"Go on."

"Even though you weren't there, I did have enough money on me for bus fare to get home after work. However, something unexpected happened after work."

"What happened?"

"When I took my wallet out of my purse to take out some change for when the bus came…"

"Uhuh? Please do continue."

"While at the bus stop, I dropped my wallet."

"What's unexpected about that? If you dropped it, just pick it up."

"A dog."

"A dog?"

"Yes. A dog."

"What about a dog?"

"Hear me out okay? This was by no means any ordinary dog. It was a demon dog from hell. Cerberus himself opened up hell's gate and climbed through when he smelled that wallet fall to the ground. It was a dog who could put all other dogs to shame. Any normal dog would wag their tails between their legs and bow their heads in prostration and worship when confronted with this monstrosity of a dog."

"Cut with the melodramatic bull and get to the point."

She turned her head back towards me and said with lifeless eyes, "a stray Chihuahua ate my wallet and ran off with it."

"..."

"... I chased after it."

"..."

"For hours."

"..."

"Around the city."

I was struggling. I was truly struggling right now. I said I wouldn't laugh. I'm a man of my word. Who am I kidding? A man of my word? Like hell I am!

"Pffftthahahaha. I've heard of 'my dog ate my homework', but a dog… an itsy bitsy little Chihuahua ate your wallet?! Hahaha! Rich! That's bloody brilliant!"

"Mr. Genovese, do you want to die?"

"Ah. Sorry. Anyways, go on. Please continue with what that has to do with you staying overnight at my place."

"Ehem. As I said, I ran all about trying to catch the dog, but in the end, I lost him. I had no way to pay for a ride home, so I had no choice but to walk instead. If you were at work, this would have never happened, this is clearly all your fault. Anyway, after I ran like a madman all over the city, the journey to my house lined up perfectly with your place. I decided to check in on you, or rather, in all honesty, I planned to mooch a free ride off of you."

"I actually called you several times before I got to your place to see if I could get you to pick me up, but you never answered. Again, this situation is clearly all your fault."

I checked my phone for missed calls to confirm her story and discovered she'd told the truth. She'd called three times and sent a few texts as well. They all came in after I fell asleep though. I was out cold in a deep sleep, so I didn't hear any sign of it ringing either.

"Haha. Sorry. My bad. But it still doesn't make sense why you stayed the night here."

"When I got to your place I knocked a few times, but there was no answer. When I recalled your bad habit of not locking the door from that time back in your car, I checked to see if the door was locked. It turned out it wasn't locked, so I entered as I was a bit concerned about you. I stumbled upon you fast asleep on your bed. After having run around all over the city, I was exhausted as well and I ended up falling asleep on your bed right beside you."

"I see. Still, you could have just woken me up and I could have driven you home."

"Like I said before, I was exhausted. I was in no mood to stay awake by that point. I was done for the day and wanted nothing more than to sleep."

"Well, I guess I can forgive the trespassing. So... can you please forgive me for this situation?"

"Fufu. Should I forgive you for giving in so easily to your carnal d.e.s.i.r.es to ravage me? How does it feel knowing you've slept with your boss in the same bed?"

"It feels awful."

"Oh really? Then what's that hard thing that's been pressed up against my stomach for some time now? It seems to suggest otherwise, Mr. Genovese."

This situation was really dangerous. As calm as I may try to act, there were certain things that really couldn't be controlled at times. That organ was definitely one of those things that had a mind of its own.

I stood up and awkwardly put some distance between the two of us. I really didn't want to get caught up in the heat of the moment and do something I might regret later on. Letting your choices be ruled by the wrong head, I've already learned first hand what that leads to. I won't ever make that mistake again.

"Tch. You really are such a beta at times, Mr. Genovese."

"Can you stop acting like you wouldn't fire me on the spot if I actually laid a finger on you?"

"Who knows? You'll never know until you try, right?"

"I'd really rather not lose my job. Anyway, can you please get dressed or at the very least properly cover yourself up?"

"And how am I supposed to do that, Mr. Genovese?"

Ah. She's right. Her hands are cuffed behind her back.

"You really have quite the interesting kink, I would never have imagined you'd have handcuffs just conveniently lying about your apartment like this. Do you use these on every girl you take a fancy towards?"

"Of course not. Those are a memento of my third ex."

"Oh, I see. That makes a bit of sense I guess. With the way her personality was, it wouldn't be unusual if she used these on you. Still... to keep them after breaking up as a memento? Isn't that the opposite of what a normal person would do? She was a psycho after all. If you were a normal person, wouldn't you try to get rid of everything that reminded you of her?"

"You could say it's so I never forget what happens when you lose yourself. I also thought it was a waste to throw them out since they could come in handy one day with my pitiful luck. Thus, I packed them away with all the junk I kept in storage. With the way my life has gone, you really never know when something like handcuffs could be the difference between life and death."

I approached her again, adjusted the towel, and wrapped it up tightly around her body. Touching her b.a.r.e skin was unavoidable, but she didn't display any visible sign of aversion. She appeared completely fine with it and even had a smug look on her face like it was her win somehow.

"You couldn't resist from laying your hands on me in the end, now could you?"

"No, I just didn't want to have my innocent eyes scarred if the towel fell down."

"You're just being shy, how cute. You can't even be honest with yourself."

"Just be quiet and come with me."