Number One Ugly Husband

35. This Is Fake

Translator: Guy Gone Bad

 “Mr. Jin, this is your lunch.”

Deacon Tao took the lunch box from the top of the car, opened it, and handed it to Bao Ye.

Two bars of tawny shit lay in the box. Bao Ye glared at Tao with a face full of “you must be fucking kidding me”.

The psycho wanted him to eat feces?

Deacon Tao said with suppressed laughter, “His majesty said, you must select one bar of food from the two.”

“Are there any difference?” Snorted Bao Ye.

The two bars of feces were totally the same. He couldn’t see any differences.

“There is one bar of real feces, and one bar of fake feces. If you unfortunately select the real one…” Tao looked at the old slaves standing at the gate, “You and them should eat the real feces.”

“Fuck.” Bao Ye was angry.

How could he make them suffer his tricks? Why should he just mock him?

“What if I choosing the fake one?”

“If you choose the fake one, all the slaves in the House of Moon, House of Romance and slaves on the slave farm can have a feast.”

“Is it real?” Bao Ye couldn’t believe his words.

“It’s real.”

Looking at the feces in the box, Bao Ye murmured, “I must be the first one who concentrated on observing feces.”

He found that one feces bar was smelly while the other one smelt like cream.

Bao Ye pointed at the bar with cream smell and asserted, “This is fake.”

“Are you sure?” Asked Tao.

“I am pretty sure, this is fake.”

Tao smiled and looked at the end of the avenue.

Looking along with his eye sights, Bao Ye saw a dozen of vans approached and halted outside the gate of House of Moon.

Over two hundred of inferior slaves jumped off from the first van. They opened the back truck of the other vans, pulling out piles of food and cookers to the road, and began to cook.

All the salves were attracted by their actions. They rushed to the net, drooling at the meat on the chopping board.

Tao opened the door and said, “Mr. Jin, please get on the car.”

“I haven’t had meal yet.” Bao Ye swallowed saliva as he saw their cooking, “I’ ll be back after I have meal.”

“Mr. Jin, your rich meal is on the car.”

Looked into the car, Bao Ye found Dongling Ce sitting inside.

He got on the car crossly, “Master Dongling, what trick did you prepare for me?”

Dongling Ce curved his lips, “How do you know that bar of feces is fake? What if I cover the real feces with cream to mislead you?”

“I know you must think about this, so I was sure that the cream one is fake. Alas, it’s very kind of you to make a vivid cake feces for tricking me.” Glancing at the sumptuous dishes on the desk, Bao Ye raised his eyebrows, “Are these all for me?”

“Of course.” Dongling Ce made a gesture of inviting, “Help yourself.”

Bao Ye couldn’t believe in him after being tricked so many times. “Haven’t you poisoned the dishes or added other ‘ingredients’ to them?”

Dongling Ce smiled and held the chopsticks in his hand, “I’ll prove it for you.”

He picked a slice of beef into his mouth and chewed elegantly.

Bao Ye finally felt relieved and started to have lunch.

Dongling Ce put aside the chopsticks and leaned on the seat back to observe him. Even though Bao Ye was not eating elegantly, he was not gobbling or shew any curiosity towards the dishes like the slaves outside the car.

“You are such a good doctor. Have you learned it?”

Bao Ye glanced at him and lied, “When I was still in the lab, I learnt stealthily from the staff there.”

In fact, it was his foster father that sent him to learn medical skill. His foster father spent all his savings to support him, because he believed that the medical skills would help him in job hunting due to the scarcity of doctors.

He was interested in medical treatment and wanted to enhance his foster father’s health, so he agreed and learnt from a senior doctor.

Dongling Ce sounded an “oh” intendedly. Apparently, he didn’t believe in Bao Ye’s words.

Bao Ye didn’t care about him at all. He was dedicated to his lunch.

Dongling Ce was unpleasant for being ignored, he frowned for a second, then came up to something, curved his lips and asked, “Listen, what sound is it?”

Bao Ye stopped eating, and the moan of a woman appeared in his ears. “Uhm…ah…”

The woman’s voice was coarse. It sounded like the moan in making love, but when you lend an attentive ear to it, it was like something else.

He frowned at Dongling Ce, “What do you want now?”

“Guess what the sound is. If your answer is right, you can continue your lunch, including them.” Dongling Ce looked at the slaves waiting for lunch outside the car.

Bao Ye knew that this highness’s illness of boring attacked again. He replied directly, “It is the moan in making love.”

Dongling Ce snorted aloud, “What an obscene answer. Unfortunately, it is not.”

Bao Ye rolled eyes at him and reached out his chopsticks towards the dish, however, the dish was covered by spell and he couldn’t pick anything up.

He put down the chopsticks disappointedly, “A lunch costs so much.”

“You can have it as long as you got the right answer.” Dongling Ce raised his lip tips, “What sound is it?”

The moan of a woman appeared in his ears again. But this time, the voice was softer, accompanied by a tinge of enduring. “This must be the moan in making love.”

Dongling Ce laughed again. “Nope, this woman is defecating.”

“Oh~~” Bao Ye dropped the chopsticks and covered his forehead with his hand, “Mr. Dongling, your highness, could you please speak the language on the dinner table?”

Dongling Ce crossed his legs and said, “This is your last chance. If you failed, the food outside will be taken away.”

The seductive moan of a woman appeared in Bao Ye’s ears. “I still think this is the moan during making love.” Bao Ye assumed.

Dongling Ce smiled without saying anything.

Bao Ye knew he was right. He picked up the chopsticks quickly and finished his lunch before the next attack of Dongling Ce’s “bored illness”.

Finished his meal, Bao Ye pulled out a tissue to wipe his mouth. “Your majesty,” Bao Ye said, “Guess what the sound is.”

“Okay.” Dongling Ce’s interest was evoked immediately.

“Bang—“ Bao Ye said one word, “What sound is it?”

Dongling Ce frowned, “Is that all?”

“Yep”

Dongling Ce thought for a while, “Is it the sound of dropping?”

“Nope, let’s listen to it again.” Bao Ye raised his lips and smiled, “Bang—Bang—“

Dongling Ce’s eyebrows were twisted, “Is it the sound of clapping?”

“Nope,” Bao Ye grinned, “Bang bang bang, bang bang bang—“

Dongling Ce narrowed his eyes. Looking at Bao Ye’s evil smile, he decided to discard the common sense. “It’s the bumping sound of the body in making love.”

Bao Ye burst into laughter, “Mr. Dongling, your majesty, who is obscene?”

Dongling Ce frowned tightly, “What is it?”

Bao Ye stopped his laughter and replied, “The first bang, is my slap on your face.”

Dongling Ce, “…”

“The two bangs in the second time is two slaps from me, the six bangs in the third time…” Bao Ye grinned, “is the sound when I would have slapped you as I like.”

Dongling Ce smiled instead of being angry, “You do have guts, you even dare to dream about slapping your owner. But you are also a coward, you can only think about it.”

“For now, I can only think about it, but who knows what will happen in the future? Thank you for your treat, I’m leaving now.” Bao Ye cast the tissue he used on Dongling Ce and disappeared in front of him.

Dongling Ce pat off the tissue. Looked at the seat Bao Ye taken before, he voiced a laughter, and disappeared in the car.