Pixiu Restaurant, No Way Out

Although there were some Gods and Monsters who like to go off the ordinary path, and have ambiguous relationships with mortals, it doesn’t mean that all non-humans had to be like that.

Pi Xiu regarded making money as his life duty. He thinks that feelings would hurt the money-making business, so he has decided to live a clean life. He regarded those monsters and mortals, who wanted to give him offspring, as an obstacle to his way to make money.

The Taotie had scammed Pi Xiu out of his money, and instead of giving him his money back, he sent Pi Xiu a ghost!

‘What, is he hoping that the ghost he sent to me will give me a son? Is he coveting the rest of my fortune?!’

Pi Xiu was so angry that he slapped the table: “Pah! He really thought he was so kind by sending me a ghost to cool me off? I still want my money back!!”

‘Does Taotie want me to have a child with that ghost…so that he can take the opportunity of dividing my assets and getting what belongs to mother and son? No fucking way!’

Ren Jiao: “Hey, can’t it be possible that you’re overthinking a bit much? I don’t think the ghost upstairs can even give birth to your babies. Anyway, he’s a beauty, so maybe he didn’t send that ghost to you for nothing.”

Ren Jiao’s words made sense, and Pi Xiu sneered at them. As soon as Pi Xiu got angry, a bit of smoke came out of his nostrils, so he took an extra bowl of soup, and headed towards the stairs.

Qiu Fu knowingly asked: “Boss, where are you taking that soup, hmm?”

“It’s none of your business! Get back to work!” Pi Xiu’s face was filled with impatience, thinking: ‘How can the Boss’s business be handled by the staff?’

‘I can give soup to whoever I want! I can have a baby with whoever I want! I can sleep with whoever I want to sleep with! Should I just accept what is offered to me for the sake of it?’

‘I’m so noble, Human Beings don’t deserve me.’

So, Pi Xiu majestically walked out with the bowl of soup in hand, thinking: ‘This bowl of soup counts as that little thing’s salary, for helping me cool down these days. After all, I’m such a good Boss! I can’t let the horse run without letting the horse graze. I must pay attention to his sustainable development.’

Mr. Pi, holding a bowl of soup in hand, greeted some of the restaurant’s regulars. Seeing that Jia Suzhen had quickly integrated into the modern food service industry, Mr. Pi nodded with satisfaction and headed upstairs.

When Pi Xiu came down a while ago, the little ghost was still unhappy, so Pi Xiu wondered if Wen Xi was in a better mood now.

‘This soup can nourish the skin, enhance beauty, and calm the mind. But I’m not quite sure if it can nourish the soul. If his soul is broken, his next reincarnation will also be affected.’

As Pi Xiu thought, suddenly, he heard the sound of a bowl smashing against the ground.

When he turned his head, Pi Xiu’s eyes widened.

Jia Suzhen stood frozen in place, looking towards the door with a dumbfounded expression on her face. At her feet, pieces of broken porcelain were scattered on the ground, while her eyes reddened, as if she was about to shed tears of blood again.

‘Dammit!’ Pi Xiu hurriedly waved his hand to the Waiter Monkeys at Jia Suzhen’s side, sending a kind of breeze into their ears with the words: Hurry up and take her away!!

Most of the customers in the Restaurant were ordinary Humans, and these gluttons had a better sense of smell than a dog. As soon as they arrived at this shabby little Pixiu’s Restaurant, they didn’t leave again, which only helped promote and publicize the place to outsiders.

If these Humans were scared away by the Female Ghost and didn’t dare to ever come back, then the number of customers will be reduced by just over half.

“Scholar Wu…..” Jia Suzhen stared at the door and murmured.

When Pi Xiu heard this name, he immediately raised an eyebrow, thinking: ‘Can there really be such a coincidence?!’

The young student, the reincarnation of Scholar Wu, was standing at the door of the Restaurant with two classmates. He saw Jia Suzhen standing there, among the broken pieces of porcelain, with a surprised look on her face. For a moment, the young man dared to neither move forward nor back.

“Scholar Wu….” Jia Suzhen called out again, both mournful and affectionate.

Hou Er rushed over to Jia Suzhen, took off his apron, and said: “Sister Suzhen, the fragments on the ground must be cleaned up immediately. Otherwise, the customers standing at the door will not be able to enter!”

Jia Suzhen came back to her senses and immediately bowed her head: “Yes, yes, yes! I will clean it up right now!”

Pi Xiu stood on the stairs and coldly stared at the broken bowls and plates, without knowing for sure how many had fallen to the ground. Although his heart was bleeding, he couldn’t get angry. As he held back his temper, Pi Xiu said: “Alright, everyone, this is embarrassing. Hou San, give each table a portion of Tremella Lotus Seed soup.”

As soon as the female student at the door heard the words ‘Tremella Lotus Seed soup’, she smiled and asked: “Is there a table available?”

Pi Xiu glanced at Jia Suzhen, who was still quite distracted, and immediately said: “Yes, Hou Si will take you to have a seat. The food will be served right after, so students like you can study after eating.”

“Thank you!”

When the three students sat down at a square table, Jia Suzhen’s eyes went straight to Wu Zu. She was so distracted, she couldn’t even hear what Hou San was saying to her.

Pi Xiu, still holding the bowl of soup in hand, walked down the stairs and headed towards Jia Suzhen. As he held back his anger, Pi Xiu said to Jia Suzhen: “Hurry up and clean this mess so you can get back to work. Don’t get distracted again. The bowls and plates you have broken today will be deducted from your salary.”

Jia Suzhen hurried to reply: “Yes!”  Anyway, it wasn’t like she was actually getting paid, so there wasn’t any harm in deducting from her nonexistent salary.

It was just that she couldn’t stop looking at the one she missed so much, Scholar Wu.

Pi Xiu gave her a hateful look. However, since there were still customers in the Restaurant, it wasn’t good for him to have a fit, so he could only tell Hou San to watch over her.

“If anything else happens, I will deduct it from your salary!”

Pi Xiu was satisfied with the trembling appearance of the Monkey Spirit in front of him. When he reached out to touch the bowl of soup, he found that it had gotten a bit cold, so he hurriedly turned around and said: “I’ll go upstairs for a while. Call me if you need anything.”

Hou San nodded, thinking: ‘So it’s true that if a business owner gets a wife, he will turn into Zhou the exploiter1! Pi Xiu, you’re so heartless!’

…

Wen Xi was sitting on the sofa, watching TV. As he hugged a pillow, Wen Xi stared at the screen in a daze, looking at an old man wearing ancient costumes. Wen Xi criticized the costumes from head to toe in his mind: ‘This looks so obviously fake! Everything is just wrong and inaccurate. No matter what, it’s not even pleasing to the eye.’

‘Where will anyone go out with such a thick stack of Silver Certificates2? He’s not newly rich!‘ Wen Xi frowned. Then, as he remembered that he would be surrounded by people like this every time he went out, he couldn’t help but sigh.

“What are you sighing for? Are you still unhappy?” Pi Xiu opened the bead curtain with a hand, while holding the bowl of soup in the other one, and said: “Come and eat the soup. The kitchen is busy now and dinner is still a while away.”

Wen Xi sniffed at the soup and sighed: “It smells good.”

“No, really?! Of course it does, I made the soup myself. People downstairs can only drink it once a month. I made an extra bowl just for you.”

Pi Xiu covered the bowl with his hands, and after two seconds, the soup was hot again.

Wen Xi looked at Pi Xiu in surprise, and said: “You made this?”

“Stop nagging and drink it while it’s hot.” Pi Xiu put the bowl in front of Wen Xi, and placed the spoon on his hand.

As soon as their skin touched, Wen Xi asked: “Did you get angry again? You’re a little hot.”

Pi Xiu snorted coldly: “Wu Zu came to the Restaurant. As soon as Jia Suzhen saw him, she got so distracted that the bowls and plates in her hands fell to the ground. They smashed into so many pieces, it’s impossible to stick them back together.”

“Wu Zu is here? Does he remember Jia Suzhen?” Wen Xi asked with great interest. “It’s just like the stories in those books! Since they couldn’t be together in their past life, they have a new chance in this one? Is he still downstairs? I……”

“You what? Drink the soup!!” Pi Xiu angrily said.

Wen Xi hurried to drink the soup, but as a result, he ended up burning his tongue. Wen Xi covered his mouth, but didn’t speak. When Pi Xiu saw this, he poured a glass of cold water for him. Wen Xi hurriedly drank two mouthfuls of water to recover.

“I’m a ghost, how could I get burned?!” Wen Xi complained.

Pi Xiu: “How can there be a ghost that lives as well as you do? You have been nourished with a lot of Heavenly Treasures, so you’re no longer an ordinary ghost.”

Rounding it up, Wen Xi can now be considered as a half Ghost Cultivator.

When Pi Xiu saw that Wen Xi had finished the soup, Pi Xiu raised his hand and asked Wen Xi to accompany him and help him calm down. The bowls and plates that Jia Suzhen broke were specially made for Pi Xiu. It will cost a lot of money to have them made again.

Money, money, money! That was Pi Xiu’s lifeblood.

When Pi Xiu thought of the money slipping out of his pocket, he found it hard to bear. But since Jia Suzhen had no money, she wasn’t afraid of losing it.

‘I still have to fulfill her wish for that damn fool, in order to get the merits I can obtain from her reincarnating. When I send her to reincarnate, she better not become a licking dog3 in her next life!’

‘Sigh, it’s so hard, too difficult! It’s really hard to be a demon who just wants to live well and earn a lot of money.’

“Can I go downstairs and take a look at Wu Zu?” Wen Xi leaned against Pi Xiu and asked with a softer voice. “I have never seen such a Human-Ghost romance drama with my own eyes. Let me go downstairs and look, please?”

Pi Xiu hugged Wen Xi disdainfully: “What’s interesting to see? Wu Zu looks much uglier than he did in his previous life. He’s a four-eyed child who’s not yet an adult, so it’s impossible for something romantic to develop between them. It’s not the same as what you see in dramas or in those books you like to read so much.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just curious, that’s all.” Wen Xi sat down and looked straight at Pi Xiu. “Why do you think Wu Zu came to the Restaurant today? Was it so Jia Suzhen could see him? This is clearly Fate acting up!”

In the Underworld, all spirits have a fated partner. The person one wanted to see again will circle in the Underworld until they can meet again. Wen Xi believed that this could be a True Fate decided by Heaven. No matter how hard the struggle was, it was something that couldn’t be destroyed.

Wen Xi was so excited that he wanted to go downstairs and see it with his own eyes to satisfy his curiosity. In the end, Pi Xiu had no other choice than to let him go, but he first told Wen Xi that he would have to change his clothes and wear something more modern.

Therefore, Wen Xi took off his white linen robes and changed into Pi Xiu’s clothes, which were a few sizes too big for him. The pants had to be tied around his waist so they wouldn’t fall down.

After his long black hair was tied into a ponytail, Wen Xi followed Pi Xiu downstairs. But Pi Xiu only let Wen Xi go down to the corner of the stairs. From there, Wen Xi was able to see the reincarnation of Scholar Wu dressed in a school uniform. In real life, the young man looked better than he did in his ID photo, with kind eyes, and a smile that lightly sparkled like sunshine.

“Hey, he’s quite good-looking. Why did you say he was ugly?” Wen Xi lowered his voice and turned his head to look for Jia Suzhen. “Where is Jia Suzhen? Why is she not serving Wu Zu?”

“Pay attention to your wording. What do you mean by ‘serving’?” Pi Xiu pinched Wen Xi’s neck and said: “Modern society no longer has maids and servants that need to serve people like in your time.”

Wen Xi hastily apologized for saying the wrong thing. Wen Xi brought the fan closer to Pi Xiu, and said: “A greater man doesn’t make note of a lesser man’s faults4. Don’t bother arguing with a little ghost like me.”

“Look, Jia Suzhen is here!” Wen Xi pulled at Pi Xiu and stretched his neck to see better. He asked: “What’s in her hands? Tremella Lotus Seed soup?”

As soon as Pi Xiu fixed his eyes on her, his face darkened.

‘Heavens! I clearly stated that each table would receive a portion of Tremella Lotus Seed soup! But Jia Suzhen, who doesn’t have to worry about money and only thinks about love, brought three servings of soup to Wu Zu’s table!’

‘And she picked three fucking big bowls too! Is she trying to feed the pigs?!’

As soon as Wen Xi felt that Pi Xiu’s temperature had risen, Wen Xi reacted quickly and pressed himself against Pi Xiu’s body while moving the fan to cool him down: “Don’t get mad, don’t get mad. It’s just Tremella Lotus Seed soup, just charge them more money.”

“They are three poor students, how much more could I charge them?!” Pi Xiu lamented. “Usually a small bowl is worth 10 yuan!”

Wen Xi increased the speed at which he waved the fan: “Don’t get angry, the customers are downstairs. Go upstairs, your favorite TV show must be about to start.”

Pi Xiu glared at Jia Suzhen with hatred, thinking: ‘This is for the sake of the merits, so that my body can stop heating up every damn time I get angry. Why fear a little loss?!’

Pi Xiu then went upstairs, walked to the sofa, and sat down with Wen Xi in his arms. He stayed in that position for two hours, watching television. However, Pi Xiu wasn’t able to stop thinking about how much money he must have lost today. In his heart, the urge to kill the Female Ghost grew stronger than ever.

Wen Xi thought that this old demon was too petty, but it was also quite funny to see him lose control like this. Therefore, Wen Xi patiently comforted him with a few sentences, while he deliberately said some funny words so that the expression on Pi Xiu’s face would relax.

However, not even a second after Pi Xiu finally calmed down, Jia Suzhen came upstairs.

Pi Xiu let go of Wen Xi, looked suspiciously at her, and asked: “What did you come up here for?”

“I have made up my mind.” Jia Suzhen bowed. “As long as I can see Scholar Wu passing the University Entrance Exam as the top scorer, I can reincarnate with a peace of mind.”

Pi Xiu: “…..”

Pi Xiu: “The top scorer? The top scorer in the University Entrance Exam?!”

Jia Suzhen nodded.

Pi Xiu’s eyes darkened as he thought: ‘After having lived for thousands of years, will I be reduced to having to steal the answer sheet for the University Entrance Exam?’

Footnotes

周扒皮 zhōu bā pí; A famous villain, a “bully landlord”, from the short story《半夜鸡叫》by the famous writer (高玉宝 gāo yù bǎo) Gao Yubao [1927-2019].银票 yín piào; Banknotes with a value in silver issued by ancient Chinese banks. Look something like THIS.舔狗 tiǎn gǒu; It refers to people who go out of their way to please others. It usually has two uses, one is to describe people who repeatedly curry favor with others in their love life, knowing that the other person doesn’t like them or is indifferent. The other is a sarcastic reference to people who flatter and suck up to others.大人不记小人过 dà rén bù jì xiǎo rén guò; Chinese idiom. It refers to when a person has disrespected another and seeks forgiveness by referring to that person as a mature/high-ranking person, while humbly calling oneself as a lesser/low-ranking person. Also translated as: A person of great moral value doesn’t remember the offenses committed by one of low moral value/A great man rarely stoops to pettiness or harbors grievance for past wrongs/A great man doesn’t remember petty mistakes.