Pixiu Restaurant, No Way Out

Already being carried away from the rooster blood, Wen Xi finally calmed down. However, the red patterns present on his face didn’t fade. Pi Xiu, still holding Wen Xi in his arms, carried him upstairs and walked all the way to the sofa to take a seat. Then, Pi Xiu made a movement with his fingers, and a water mirror slowly formed in front of Wen Xi’s face.

“What are you doing?” As soon as Wen Xi looked at his face reflected on the water mirror, he froze. As he touched the red lines on his face, Wen Xi murmured: “What’s this?”

Pi Xiu replied with a cold face: “This is Taotie’s Demon Mark.”

Wen Xi looked hard at his face reflected on the mirror, both sides, up and down. With a frown, he asked: “You can tell just by looking at it? Wow, what an expert.”

“It’s not that. I can smell Taotie’s Demonic Scent on you.” Pi Xiu grasped Wen Xi’s hand and touched the bones under his skin. Little by little, Pi Xiu touched Wen Xi’s arm until he reached inside the sleeve, following a flowing demonic force under Wen Xi’s skin. This demonic force slowly changed from obvious fluctuations to restored calm.

When Pi Xiu’s hand had reached Wen Xi’s shoulder, the red lines of the demon mark had already disappeared. At that moment, Pi Xiu pulled Wen Xi into his arms, and touched the protruding bone at the back of Wen Xi’s neck.

‘This little guy’s whole body is cold, but this part is warm.’

Pi Xiu released Wen Xi and said: “It seems that Taotie left a Demon Bone in your body to protect you. A few moments ago, you felt threatened, so the Demon Mark came out.”

Wen Xi was happy: “So, is my Demonic Energy really powerful now?”

“It’s powerful enough to beat the five Monkey Spirits downstairs, plus Lil Broom.” Pi Xiu said lightly.

Wen Xi choked, thinking that his power was probably equal to zero.

Pi Xiu rubbed his chin, wondering if he should bring the rooster blood and make Wen Xi freak out again, so that he could observe this phenomenon carefully. But when Pi Xiu remembered how pale Wen Xi’s face was when he got scared, how his body and his hands trembled, Pi Xiu decided to dismiss the idea.

""

Pi Xiu: “You don’t have to be afraid of rooster blood now. Rooster blood is used to deal with ghosts without Cultivation. It can’t hurt you now at all. Later, I’ll ask them to make chicken soup for you to eat.”

Wen Xi wondered: “Logically, people eat old hens to supplement their bodies, so why use roosters? Roosters have a heavy Yang Qi. If I drink one, two or three bowls of rooster soup, what will happen to me?”

Pi Xiu waved his hand: “You know nothing. It’s called fighting poison with poison. Besides, my Yang Qi is even heavier than the rooster’s blood. You’re always next to me, so a few roosters can’t do anything to you.”

‘At least, it would take 10,000 roosters to compare with my Yang Qi.’

Wen Xi laughed out loud, but when he remembered the scene he caused downstairs, he felt a little humiliated. Wen Xi touched his face and asked: “Will something happen if someone saw the lines of the Demon Mark?”

“Don’t worry. The pattern of the Demon Mark is just like some illegible handwriting. Who would recognize it? Even if someone recognizes it, just say that it’s mine.” Pi Xiu doesn’t think that any demon would dare to make trouble, unless they were another Taotie creditor….

At that moment, the bead curtain was shaken, and Hou Er stood outside, saying in a loud voice: “Boss, someone is looking for you downstairs. They said that the Women’s Federation has come to investigate the situation!”

Pi Xiu was stunned: “What did they come to investigate? I don’t think we have women in the Restaurant.”

The Women’s Federation came because someone made a report through a phone call.

They were polite at first, introducing themselves with courtesy. Then they expressed their admiration for Pi Xiu, the great demon, as well as greeting his newlywed wife.

Wen Xi sat beside Pi Xiu, with a stiff expression, as he thought: ‘These demons are really ahead of time. As long as they can ‘do it’, there’s really no difference between being in a same-sex or opposite-sex relationship.’

The Women’s Federation staff member smiled at Pi Xiu and said: “I see that Mr. Pi has very good taste. So you saw that mankind has a teahouse named after Lao She, so you decided to open a Restaurant?”

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Pi Xiu smiled insincerely: “That’s right. I’m the Lao She of the Demon World1.”

Wen Xi: “……”

‘I’d rather you weren’t like this.’

This staff member of the Women’s Federation is a Lotus Flower Spirit, a direct disciple of the Two Gods of Harmony and Union2. Over the years, he had seen too many family conflicts in the Country, and yet, he wasn’t able to stand this shameless old bastard Pi Xiu. The staff member said bluntly: “Someone informed us that you have committed Domestic Violence.”

Pi Xiu and Wen Xi froze.

The Lotus Flower Spirit looked at Wen Xi and asked: “Is it true? Don’t be afraid. If the situation is true, we will protect you.”

Right when Wen Xi was about to shake his head, from the corner of his eye, he suddenly saw Wu Zu walking in through the doorway. With a jolt, Wen Xi threw himself into Pi Xiu’s arms to hide face, so Wu Zu wouldn’t see him.

Pi Xiu unconsciously hugged him back, looked down at Wen Xi, and asked: “What’s wrong?”

“Wu Zu is here.” Wen Xi lowered his voice and pointed to the door.

When the Lotus Flower Spirit looked at the two men in front of him sticking close to each other, he coughed lightly: “It looks like the report we have received seems to be wrong.”

Pi Xiu immediately nodded: “Of course the report was false, we have a very good relationship. He was just being picky about food today, and threw a tantrum at me.”

The smile on the Lotus Flower Spirit got even brighter: “Since that’s the case, then please let me take a picture of you two. We can also send a public notice to clarify the issue for you.”

""

Pi Xiu: “……”

Wen Xi: “……”

…

During recess, Wu Zu and his classmates went out to eat, so they decided to go to the restaurant where they had eaten yesterday. The Tremella Lotus Seed soup was delicious and inexpensive, so they wanted to eat something like that. As soon as they walked through the door, Wu Zu didn’t notice Wen Xi. Instead, he turned his attention to Jia Suzhen, who was standing on the stage, singing a song.

When the two looked at each other, Jia Suzhen’s face flashed with a big smile. Then, she folded the sleeves in her hands and began to sing: “I have also been to the Royal Banquet held by the Emperor for the new Scholars, and I have also rode through the street in front of the Palace3….”

As the performer sang an opera on stage, her clothes fluttered in the air, causing the Scholars to be engrossed in the opera. It seemed as if time had stopped, only to return to normal soon.

It seemed like there were a lot more people in the Restaurant than usual today, and when the students around Wu Zu saw that he hadn’t moved, they pushed him forward: “Why are you still standing here? Let’s find a place to sit.”

Wu Zu returned to his senses and looked at Jia Suzhen again, thinking to himself: ‘Have I seen her somewhere before? Why do I feel like I know her?’

When Wu Zu went back to school, he couldn’t stop trying to remember where he had seen the waitress before. This happened last night as well, when he was supposed to be studying. However, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that he knew her, making it impossible for him to concentrate on studying. Today, when it was time to leave school, he realized that the worksheet was only half done.

After returning home with his backpack hanging on his back, Wu Zu’s head was filled with the familiarity of Jia Suzhen’s eyes, which only prevented him from finishing the exercises. Therefore, he decided to take a bath and go to bed early. As soon as he laid his head on the pillow, Wu Zu remembered the horrible dream he had last night.

Wu Zu laid there with his eyes wide open, not daring to sleep.

‘It’s impossible to have the same dream two days in a row, right?’ Wu Zu comforted himself and slowly closed his eyes, hoping that today’s dream wasn’t about studying history or politics.

For a while, Wu Zu slept soundly. However, even if Wen Xi is late, he will never be absent.

When Wu Zu looked at Wen Xi, he saw that Wen Xi was arranging the papers in front of him. With a stunned look, Wu Zu asked in a daze: “Why are you here again?!”

“Me?” Wen Xi stopped arranging the papers, didn’t answer him, and asked instead: “I also want to ask you, why did you go to sleep so early today? This only made me come late and lose time in my class.”

Wu Zu thought that he was going crazy: “What class? Didn’t class end last night?!”

“Do you want to be dismissed from my class with your current grades?” Wen Xi took out a report card and began to read it, publicly exposing Wu Zu’s lower grades in math.

Wu Zu jumped a few meters high, and tried to snatch the report card from Wen Xi’s hand. Failing to do so, Wu Zu asked: “How did you get my report card?”

Having asked that, Wu Zu felt stupid. ‘Of course, this is a dream. It’s nothing more than a reflection of my subconscious, in the deepest part of my cerebral cortex. How could he not know about my report card?’

‘Could it be that I have actually always been a person who loves to learn? But….in the past, I never stopped eating, drinking and having fun. Only spending a third of my time studying, circling in the middle of the grade with little care. Can it be that in the dream, this is the real me?’

Wu Zu looked at Wen Xi with a burning faze, thinking to himself: ‘My real self is so good-looking! It’s like I’ve won the lottery!’

“Why are you staring at me?” Wen Xi asked in a hushed voice.

That kind of eager gaze made Wen Xi feel chills down his spine.

Wu Zu regained his senses and giggled: “I’m looking at how good-looking you are!”

“Is that so?” Wen Xi confidently shook his head. “I also think that I’m good-looking.”

As soon as Wen Xi said those words, he felt a tap on his waist. Pi Xiu, who was invisible, as not to be noticed by Wu Zu, wrote with his finger on Wen Xi’s back, warning him: “Stop talking nonsense and get to the point. Begin the lecture now.”

Wu Zu looked at the paper in his hand, and asked: “Are we going to study history today too?”

Wen Xi coughed lightly and slapped Pi Xiu’s hand away, waving his hand behind his back. Then, Wen Xi said: “No, we’ll do math today.”

“Math?” Wu Zu immediately frowned and covered his head, as he began to chant: “Not math, not math, not math….”

Wen Xi: “……”

Wen Xi: “What are you doing?”

“I’m hypnotizing myself. Anyway, this is my dream. As long as I can hypnotize myself, you can’t make me do math.” Wu Zu looked certain. “You can make me study anything, just not math!”

Wen Xi sneered: “Even if you knock yourself out with a stick, when you wake up, you will still have to do these exercises.”

Wen Xi spread the papers in front of Wu Zu, and forced a pen into the student’s hand. Then, Wen Xi indicated to Wu Zu that he could start resolving the math exercises.

Wu Zu tried to plead cutely: “Can I not write?”

The pitiful look on Wu Yan’s handsome face may have been lethal, but now, it was the four-eyed Wu Zu who was doing it. This expression only made Wen Xi’s scalp feel numb.

Wen Xi asked: “Do you know what you even look like with this coquettish look?”

Wu Zu had a slight expectation for praise: “Like what?”

Wen Xi: “Not cute, but ugly.”

Wu Zu: “……”

‘What the hell?! How can I scold myself in a dream?! Is this crushing the ego by criticizing oneself? Damn it!’

Wu Zu put the pen down and changed the angle of approach: “Let’s do this. We won’t write on the paper, and instead, we will talk. I met a waitress in a Restaurant today. You should know who I mean.”

For a brief moment, Wen Xi didn’t dare to answer. ‘How does this kid know that I know who Jia Suzhen is? Did he see me today after all?’

“After all, you are me, and you should be able to see what I see.” Wu Zu pounded on the table. “Anyway, that’s not the point! The point is that the waitress was singing the Huangmei Opera today. She looked so beautiful! Obviously, when I first saw her, I thought she was already very pretty. But today, she stood up to sing on stage, and her whole person had a different atmosphere.”

Wen Xi froze, but in the end, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing: “So you fell in love with her at first sight?”

“No, it’s just that I thought she looked somewhat familiar. I’ve been thinking for the past two days that I’d seen her somewhere before.” Wu Zu held his face in distress. “Hey, you think I should take the initiative to ask her tomorrow? Maybe she remembers where we met.”

The student laughed and said: “She smiled at me as soon as I walked through the door today. So she must know me.”

Wen Xi was happy to see this kind of drama like in the books, but he didn’t forget his main task. He interrupted Wu Zu’s daydreaming, and said: “It’s a job for tomorrow to ask her. Today, we must finish these worksheets.”

Wu Zu tenaciously insisted: “If I study in my dreams, I won’t remember anything the next day anyway!”

Wen Xi was shocked, and hurriedly asked: “When you woke up yesterday, you didn’t remember what you memorized in your dream?”

‘If you don’t remember, then my own hard-working efforts will be for nothing!’

“It’s not it….” Wu Zu faintly replied. “I remember everything, and I could even answer all the questions the teacher asked in class.”

Wen Xi relaxed, and the expression on his face cooled down again: “Then what nonsense are you talking about? Hurry up and resolve these math problems. You will do three math worksheets tonight!”

Wu Zu gasped, choked, and remained silent for a long time. Until he was finally able to say: “I have a monthly exam on Friday, I can’t do this right now. I’ll be stressed, and….”

However, before Wu Zu could finish his words, he was hit on the head.

The student clutched his head and jumped in fright. Wu Zu hurriedly turned around and swayed wildly: “Who hit me?!”

Pi Xiu slapped Wu Zu again on the back of his chair. When Wen Xi saw Wu Zu trembling with fear, Wen Xi mercifully said: “If you don’t do these exercises, I’ll teach you a lesson.”

“You can’t punch my head, it will….”

Wen Xi waved his hand: “Don’t worry, it won’t be damaged. I’m simply enlightening you.”

All of Pi Xiu’s discontent was violently suppressed. Mr. Pi’s classroom, with Pi Xiu as a teacher, was officially opened. ‘This boy’s academic performance has always been bad, probably because he needs a couple of beatings. I’m going to force him to understand.’

After pressing Wu Zu to solve the exercises all night, Wen Xi understood that this little brat was either unable to solve the math problem, or was way too lazy to do the calculations.

Fortunately, Pi Xiu was keeping an eye on Wu Zu from the side. Otherwise, Wen Xi wouldn’t be able to deal with Wu Zu alone.

Finally, at dawn, Wen Xi, who had finished his hard teaching work, laid down on bed with a long sigh. Pi Xiu, on the other hand, sighed as well.

Wen Xi looked at Pi Xiu, and said: “I was the one who did all the work, while you were sitting next to me the entire time, watching. Why are you sighing?”

“How can I not sigh? Kids nowadays are just really hard to deal with, which is a good thing that I don’t want any of my own. If my son has to do homework, but refuses to do so, it won’t even be necessary for the Way of Heaven to deduct my lifespan. I’m going to kill him prematurely by exploding out of anger.”

Wen Xi smiled, and said: “I’m not so sure. If you really had a son, you wouldn’t have the heart to beat him.”

Pi Xiu leaned against Wen Xi to be fanned by him: “Hmph, I won’t even look for someone to have kids with. There’s nothing to discuss about this topic.”

As soon as Pi Xiu said these words, the two men, who weren’t even human, laid on the same bed, awkwardly silent for a while. After all, these two were tied with a red thread, which in other words, they could be regarded as partners decided by Heaven. Moreover, the Women’s Federation came yesterday, and Pi Xiu had to publicly announce Wen Xi as his wife.

But now, Pi Xiu was denying him, and Wen Xi didn’t even know what to say.

Pi Xiu awkwardly interrupted the silence with a cough: “Go to sleep, I’m going downstairs.”

“Why are you going downstairs? You haven’t rested all night, don’t you want to sleep even for a little bit?” Wen Xi leaned sideways, indicating Pi Xiu to lie down to rest. When Wen Xi noticed that Pi Xiu didn’t move, nor leave, for a while, Wen Xi turned to look at him. Only to find that the old demon had a complicated expression on his face.

Pi Xiu looked at Wen Xi, who was still lying on the bed, with his white skin that seemed to shine against the dark sheets, looking quite defenseless and tempting. Pi Xiu couldn’t resist the urge to reach out, but in the end, he held back.

‘Is this little one seducing me? Could it be that the words I said yesterday gave him a hope that he shouldn’t have?’

‘Is this a Hongmen Banquet4? No, even if I were to take the bait, I’m a noble and dignified person. Mortals aren’t worthy of me, and neither is this ghost!’

Wen Xi frowned: “What are you thinking?”

However, Pi Xiu was still immersed in his own world. ‘I must be thinking too much. This little one just came out of his urn. Even though he’s been watching dramas and TV shows, he still doesn’t know how to use the internet. He still doesn’t know how sinister the Humans of these times can be. He doesn’t know that there’s a kind of thing called ¨after knowing he’s a man, it’s more interesting5¨ going around.’

Thus, Pi Xiu covered Wen Xi with a quilt, and said with a heavy tone of voice: “As a male, I have to protect myself too.”

Wen Xi: “???”

“What kind of nonsense are you even talking about?” Wen Xi yawned and said: “Are you going to sleep or not? If you’re going to sleep, turn off the lights. If you’re not going to sleep, then hurry up and go downstairs. But don’t forget to turn off the lights while you’re at it.”

As soon as he finished saying that, Wen Xi touched Pi Xiu’s hand imperceptibly. When Wen Xi noticed that Pi Xiu wasn’t hot, he knew that Pi Xiu wasn’t angry at what he had said, so he decided to be more daring: “I read that monsters can’t be without sleep, and if they do, they will die suddenly.”

Pi Xiu replied with a ‘hmm’, and when he saw Wen Xi buried in the quilt, a flash of inspiration suddenly came to his head. Pi Xiu patted Wen Xi’s thigh and said: “Hey, I was thinking that since you’re so good at teaching, we could organize tutoring classes specifically geared towards helping poor students like Wu Zu. As the intensity of the course increases, the fee will also be increased….”

As Pi Xiu spoke, Wen Xi stretched out a hand from the quilt, pointing a finger towards the beaded curtain: “Get out!”

Footnotes

What they’re talking about is that Pi Xiu named his restaurant ‘Pixiu’s Restaurant’, and in Beijing there’s a teahouse called ‘Lao She Teahouse’ (named after 老舍 lǎo shě, a novelist). So, Pi Xiu is saying that he’s the Lao She of the Demon World for having a business named after himself.和合二仙 hé hé èr xiān; He-He Er Xian, also translated as the ‘Immortals of Harmony and Union’, are two Taoist Immortals. Originally, they were in charge of family relationships, but they gradually evolved into being associated with happy marriages, and known as Gods of Marriage. It also changed from one God to two Gods; one holding a lotus flower, and the other a small box.Lyrics from the Opera《女驸马》“The Concubine”.鸿门宴 hóng mén yàn; An historical event that took place in 206 BC at Hong Gate outside Xianyang, the Capital of the Qin Dynasty [221-207 BC]. The main parties involved in the banquet were Liu Bang and Xiang Yu. Two prominent leaders of insurgent forces who rebelled against the Qin Dynasty from 209 to 206 BC, resulting in a violent civil war that concluded with the establishment of the Han Dynasty [206 BC-220 AD]. This event is used figuratively to refer to a seemingly joyous, but in fact treacherous trap or situation, meaning that one person intended to attack/kill another person.知男而上 zhī nán ér shàng; An internet slang word. The word originated after a story went viral about how a man in love with a ‘beautiful woman’ sent her a lot of money, only to find out later that it was actually a man. But this didn’t stop that person, and he even sent the man even more money than before. This generated a lot of comments, causing the phrase to become popular. In general, its meaning is that after knowing that the other person is a man, it’s much more ‘interesting’, so there’s more curiosity in ‘being’ with that person.