Pixiu Restaurant, No Way Out

Wen Xi rarely felt hot upon waking up, and this time, he wanted to roll over to escape from the source of the heat. As he tried, however, his face brushed against something soft and warm. Sensing this, Wen Xi woke up completely. When he opened his eyes, he understood what was going on.

He was being tightly held in Pi Xiu’s arms. Even their hands and feet were intertwined.

Even though Wen Xi had slept like this with Pi Xiu before, at least at that time he was fully clothed. At this time, Wen Xi’s clothes had been stripped open to reveal his chest, which was now pressed against Pi Xiu’s exposed skin.

Wen Xi managed to leave Pi Xiu’s grip, and with a darkened face, Wen Xi hurried to fix his clothes. Then, Wen Xi raised his hand and slapped Pi Xiu’s face. The slap was so heavy it even left a red mark behind, completely waking up the old demon.

As Pi Xiu covered his sore cheek, he was ready to curse as soon as he opened his eyes. However, before Pi Xiu could even utter a single word, Wen Xi’s sudden tears began to fall down his cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” Pi Xiu was stunned. ‘I was the one who was slapped. Shouldn’t I be the one crying?’

Wen Xi covered his face and ‘sobbed’: “I dreamt of the time my family went through a calamity.”

Pi Xiu sat up and asked: “Did you have a nightmare?”

Wen Xi nodded and asked: “How is your face? I seemed to have hit you just now.”

Pi Xiu looked at Wen Xi, but didn’t reply. As he saw the slightly swollen slap print, Wen Xi’s heart pounded violently inside his chest. This time, he didn’t know if he would get away with it.

“It’s alright, you didn’t mean it. I was just thinking that your soul form is too light, so I should ask them to stew some chicken soup for you later.” Pi Xiu said and then laid down again, contemplating on how to deal with this little liar.

As Pi Xiu pondered, he heard the ghost in his arms ask: “Did the female ghost tell you about the whereabouts of the Taotie yesterday?”

“No.” Pi Xiu said as he came back to reality. “Your old acquaintance tried to threaten me. She said that if I won’t help her with what she wants, she won’t tell me what she knows.”

Wen Xi froze: “What ‘old acquaintance’?”

“She said that you complimented her singing voice, and even promised to fulfill one of her wishes. According to this, how are you two not old acquaintances?” Pi Xiu faintly said. “Could it be that Wen-gongzi is like the noble men who have short memories1, so he has forgotten his own words?”

Wen Xi thought for a moment: ‘I think I drank too much at the banquet. I can vaguely remember approaching the singer to praise her for her voice and reward her with some treasures. However, I can’t really remember if I promised her something or not.’

‘Maybe I did, or maybe I didn’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. Right now, I can’t even save myself, so why should I fulfill the so-called promise I made to others?’

Seeing that Wen Xi frowned and didn’t speak, Pi Xiu reached out to rub Wen Xi’s brow: “If you can’t remember, stop thinking about it.”

“You came back without getting an answer?” Wen Xi looked up at Pi Xiu and asked tentatively: “Then, is she….is she still alive?”

Pi Xiu laughed angrily: “She’s already dead, she’s a ghost! I can’t make her die again, even if I were the Heavenly Emperor.”

“However, I got so angry yesterday, I almost slapped her into oblivion.” Pi Xiu reached out, pulling on a strand of Wen Xi’s hair that had fallen to his chest and tucked it behind his ear. “But I managed to hold back.”

For a brief moment, Wen Xi didn’t know what to say. ‘Mr. Pi, are you expecting me to applaud and praise you for being so gre~at?’

“Because I got so angry, I went to bed feeling extra hot, so I untied your clothes to feel your cold body better.” The old demon said without hesitation. “It’s all that female ghost’s fault! Not mine.”

Wen Xi: “….”

Wen Xi smiled and said: “How could I blame you?” But in his heart, Wen Xi scolded the old demon for telling lies. ‘You dared to take my clothes off, but you don’t dare to admit it! When I get the chance, I’ll cut you to pieces with a knife.’

‘I’ll chop off those hands who dare to touch me so indiscriminately. So easy.’

“I’ll go see that female ghost later. When I’ll ask her to explain what she wants, I’ll call you down to listen to what she’s asking you to do for her.”

Wen Xi nodded and leaned against Pi Xiu’s arms. After a while, Wen Xi fell asleep again.

Mr. Pi stayed in bed for a while and then got up. After carefully laying the ghost in his arms on the bed, Pi Xiu looked at the state of his soul. After almost a month of repairing his soul, Wen Xi looked much better than the first time Pi Xiu saw him. Now, Wen Xi’s soul wouldn’t disperse as soon as the sunlight touched his ‘body’.

For some reason, Pi Xiu suddenly remembered the red thread joining them, and the smile on his face suddenly collapsed. ‘It’s alright to keep him as an obedient ice pillow, but to share a lifetime with him? Forget it.’

‘Especially if he will slap me every time he wakes up. No one would stand such a thing.’

Pi Xiu, who had been accustomed to his way of living for thousands of years, was really not interested in developing a romantic relationship, neither with Humans nor with Ghosts. That alone would cause a sensation in the Demon World. Pi Xiu was very thin-skinned, and he really doesn’t want to be in the headlines on that shitty forum again.

The thin-skinned Mr. Pi washed himself up and headed downstairs, just in time to find Ren Jiao smoking again.

“Can’t you see the big ‘No Smoking’ sign on the wall?!” Pi Xiu walked over and stretched out his hand: “Hurry, give me one.”

Ren Jiao lit a cigarette for Pi Xiu and handed it to him. Smoking side by side, completely ignoring the ‘No Smoking’ sign hanging on the wall, they looked like thugs.

“Let me ask you. If you’re a fish, why do you like smoking so much?” Pi Xiu asked.

Ren Jiao didn’t raise his eyes as he replied: “What bullshit are you spouting now? Since I can’t light a cigarette in the sea, now that I’m on land, of course I’m going to smoke as much as I want.”

“True.” As Pi Xiu held the cigarette between his lips, he took out his phone. After tapping here and there on the cell phone, Pi Xiu found out that yesterday’s post on the Demon Forum had been deleted. Now in a better mood, Pi Xiu exhaled a smoke ring and said: “Why is Qiu Fu not here today?”

Ren Jiao: “He went to the kitchen to prepare the dishes.”

“Why so early?” Pi Xiu was surprised.

Ren Jiao glanced at him and said: “It’s not early. You just came down late today.”

Ren Jiao put out the cigarette, raised his hand and patted Pi Xiu’s shoulder: “It’s different when you have a ‘special someone’ staying in your room. We single individuals can’t compare with you. We’re not in the mood to stay in our cold lonely beds all day long, and under our cold blankets.”

“What ‘special someone’ staying in my room are you—?” Before Pi Xiu could retort, he saw Ren Jiao’s hand approaching his neck.

Then, Ren Jiao pulled out a strand of long hair from Pi Xiu’s body and waved it in front of him.

Ren Jiao tilted his mouth, looked at Pi Xiu’s short hair, and smiled: “This didn’t fall off from your head, right? Tsk, tsk, how close were you two last night for his hair to end up in your neck?”

“Fuck off!!” Pi Xiu grabbed the single hair and threw it on the ground, explaining with a cold angry voice: “I’m only using him as an ice pillow!”

“It’s just that that ‘ice pillow’ has lost a bit of hair. It’s okay, I get it.” Ren Jiao patted his chest and said: “As your brother2, I will support anyone you like. But, isn’t he a few thousand years younger than you? Thousand year old man, hold the gold brick3! Be strong my brother.”

Pi Xiu was feeling very, very tired, so he simply waved his hand and said: “Later, ask Hou San to catch a rooster and kill it to make a soup. Tell him to kill it in the kitchen.”

…

After the kitchen was cleaned up, the tired Mr. Pi asked Ren Jiao to bring in the Female Ghost for questioning.

Pi Xiu sat down on a small wooden stool. Hou Yi, Hou Er, Hou San, Hou Si, Hou Wu, and Little Broom were all standing behind Pi Xiu. To the left and right sides of Pi Xiu, were the two chefs, Ren Jiao and Qiu Fu, looking like Defenders of Justice. Adding to all that, the scar on Ren Jiao’s face made the group look so menacing, they only needed to shout: The Sun and Moon Cult has unified the Jianghu for thousands of years4!

Having removed the potato from the Female Ghost’s mouth, Pi Xiu looked at the bloody tooth marks on the potato and thought: ‘What a waste of food.’

Although the Female Ghost regained consciousness, her eyes still shed tears of blood. Since Lil Broom couldn’t stand to see the blood staining the floor, he grabbed a basin and ran to the Female Ghost stammering: “C-cry in h-here. D-don’t l-let the, the te-tears fall out-outside. It’s n-not e-easy t-to clean!”

The tears continued to fall, one after another into the basin. The five Monkey Spirits fixed their eyes on the basin, wagging their tails to the rhythm in which the drops fell. Until Pi Xiu banged on the table, causing the teacups to rattle. Scared, the Monkey Spirits held their tails in unison, opened their mouths, and with a shrill voice, they said: “Say your name!”

As soon as the Female Ghost looked up, she saw the five monsters that looked both like monkeys and humans for a long while, until she suddenly screamed. At that moment, bloody tears came out of her eyes like a high pressure water gun.

The Female Ghost screamed: “Monsters! There are monsters!”

The five Monkey Spirits suddenly became angry.

‘What the hell?! To be called a ‘monster’ by such an ugly ghost. She’s the one who should be called a monster! Don’t I look much more like a person than her?’ The five Monkey Spirits thought. ‘Although it’s not so terrible to be called a monster, it is terrible to be called a monster by someone uglier than you.’

When Lil Broom saw the bloody tears splattering all over the ground, he froze in place, completely in a daze. Once Lil Broom got mad, he stuttered even more, so it took him five or six times to spit out a single word. This, however, only made Ren Jiao unable to stop himself from laughing out loud.

Pi Xiu, on the other hand, stared at the five Monkey Spirits with a darkened face and a strong desire to eat them.

‘Too fucking humiliating.’

Mr. Pi slammed the table once again and roared: “Shut up!”

However, the table was hit so hard that it broke into three or four pieces, rendering it useless. The only use it had now was to be used as firewood.

After waiting for the five Monkey Spirits to bring in a new table, the Female Ghost had finally stopped crying. She lay sprawled on the ground, sobbing, still immersed in the aftertaste of being frightened by the ‘Monkey Monsters’.

Pi Xiu cleared his throat: “First of all, tell me how you died.”

“I was a performer in the Rongxi group. The heir of the Rong family in the Capital took a fancy to me and wanted to bring me to his house. Since I was unwilling, I killed myself by hitting my head hard.” The Female Ghost paused, and then added: “When I died, my blood splattered on the painting.”

When Qiu Fu heard this, he ‘tsk-ed’ and said: “Sigh, ancient times turned people into ghosts. But modern times turn ghosts into people!”

Pi Xiu looked at her and said: “I can help you take revenge on him, make the reincarnation of Rong’s heir have bad luck, or even make him pay with his life. However, yesterday you told me to save someone, so you can tell everything you know. The problem lies in that you have been dead for hundreds of years, and the person you want to save, at this time, must have already reincarnated. Therefore, they no longer remember you.”

The Female Ghost was stunned: “Reincarnated?”

“From 600 years ago until now, he should have been reincarnated about 5 times.” Ren Jiao smiled. “He must have drunk Meng Po’s soup5 to the point of exhaustion. Of course he shouldn’t remember you.”

Pi Xiu: “What kind of relationship did you have with the person you want to save?”

The Female Ghost blushed: “He was a candidate for the Imperial Examinations6 who went to the Capital. He was my beloved. I met him at Wen-gongzi’s birthday banquet, and he praised me for my voice, saying that he would never get tired of hearing me sing.”

""

As she spoke, the Female Ghost’s face turned pale again and cried: “But I won’t see him anymore, waaah!”

Qiu Fu stepped forward to hold the Female Ghost’s shoulders. When the Female Ghost looked into his eyes, her eyes turned red for a moment, but then returned to normal. At that moment, the Female Ghost calmed down and laid on the ground for a long time, without making a sound.

“Who the hell are you? Why are you asking me so many questions?” The pale bluish tone slowly faded from the Female Ghost’s face, regaining the appearance she had when she was still alive. With a wary look, she looked at Pi Xiu and asked: “Where is Wen-gongzi?”

“He’s resting.” Pi Xiu hit the table again. “Although the person you want to save has already died, it’s not impossible for you to see his reincarnation.”

The Female Ghost looked at Pi Xiu and slowly said: “I want to see Wen-gongzi.”

Pi Xiu frowned: “I said he was resting.”

“If I can see Wen-gongzi, I will say all that I know.” The Female Ghost insisted.

Pi Xiu’s face looked terrifying, and his body temperature increased. At first glance, it was easy to tell that Pi Xiu was once again enraged. When Ren Jiao realized that the situation wasn’t good, he hastened to remind Pi Xiu: “If you break another table, you will have to buy a new one. Su An said that this month’s expenses have already been exceeded.”

“How could it exceed so soon?” Pi Xiu’s eyebrows rose angrily. “Why does this need money?! Why does everything need money?!”

Ren Jiao lowered his voice: “There’s nothing we can do, look at the appearance of this ghost. She won’t stop until the other ghost comes down and sees her. It’s better to do as she asks. You’ll feel more comfortable once you get the merits at the end of all this.”

Pi Xiu remained silent for a while, but then he waved at Lil Broom: “Go. Go upstairs and call him down.”

Footnotes

贵人多忘事 guì rén duō wàng shì; Chinese idiom. It refers to the arrogant attitude of high-ranking officials/people with a prominent status, who tend to ‘not remember’ old acquaintances. From《唐摭言·卷二·恚恨》by (王定保 wáng dìng bǎo) Wang Dingbao [870-940] from late Tang Dynasty [618-907].兄弟 xiōng dì; Although the term “Xiongdi” (literal translation: brother) is usually used to refer to a blood relative from the same generation, sometimes male friends would use ‘Xiongdi’ in order to show a close friendship.男大千抱金砖 nán dà qiān bào jīn zhuān; The original sentence is ‘Three years older woman, hold that gold brick!’ (女大三抱金砖 nǚ dà sān bào jīn zhuān). It refers to a woman who is older than her husband. Ren Jiao changed 女大三 nǚ dà sān = ‘three years older woman’, for 男大千 nán dà qiān = ‘thousand year older man’.日月神教，千秋万载，一统江湖 rì yuè shén jiào, qiān qiū wàn zǎi, yī tǒng jiāng hú; This phrase comes from the Wuxia Novel《笑傲江湖》by (金庸 jīn yōng) Jin Yong [1957-1961]. The ‘Sun and Moon Cult’ is a fictional sect, and since people from this sect act strangely as well as kill indiscriminately, they’re known as a ‘Demon Cult’ in the Martial Arts World. 江湖 jiāng hú; A Taoist term. The original meaning of the ‘Jianghu’ refers to the vast rivers and lakes, which later gave birth to the meaning of the ‘World’ as we know. In Martial Arts novels, it’s common to use ‘Jianghu’ as a metaphor for the Martial Arts community. More info HERE.孟婆 mèng pó; She’s the Goddess of Forgetfulness in Chinese mythology, who serves a soup (that wipes people’s memories so they can reincarnate into their next life without the burdens of their previous lives) on the Naihe Bridge (奈何桥 nài hé qiáo; The entrance of the Underworld in Taoism and Chinese folk beliefs).科举 kē jǔ; It’s a civil service examination system set in Imperial China to select candidates for the Court. The concept of choosing members of the Court by merit rather than birth started early in Chinese history, however, the written examinations started in earnest during the mid-Tang Dynasty. The system became dominant during the Song Dynasty and lasted, until it was abolished, in the late Qing Dynasty in 1905.