Episode 98 – Her ego

“Haaa~”
“What’s with that sigh?”
“Well, I was just thinking about how I’ve shown my kouhai how pathetic I am.”

Senpai, her eyes still swollen, uttered such a thing in a frustrated tone.

“I don’t care if you complain about that.”
“I feel bad that my kouhai is taking over the pace~”
“I don’t know anything about that!”

Senpai’s lips are pouting, but there is nothing I can do about it.
I mean, I didn’t actively go for the squeeze, and I’m sure I’m not at fault in that regard.

But Senpai didn’t like that.

When she saw my face, she approached me quickly.
She leaned over me as I was sleeping and said a few words.

“—-I like you”
“~!?!?!?”

When my head almost boils at the sudden confession, Senpai’s lips twitch with a smirk at the sight of me.

“Liee~♪”

She rolled her eyes and said, sticking out her tongue.

“A-Again, tease me like that! I won’t fall for it twice!”
“You can say that with such confidence and without any persuasive power at all, can’t you? It’s really amazing.”

As I desperately try to cool my upturned face, I feel ashamed that I made the same mistake twice.
No, it’s not my fault, but rather Senpai’s. There probably isn’t a man in the world who wouldn’t be thrilled to be confessed by Senpai.

“…… Well, I’m not lying.”

Then, after I calmed down, Senpai spilled it out again.

“I’m not going to fall for it three times, though.”
“I’m not lying. This is not a lie, okay?”
“—–!!”

This time Senpai didn’t even laugh, just said so slowly.

“In the end, I had to fake it at that time, and I still have to fake it now, to be able to say how I really feel.”

Oh, that time of drinking Senpai.

“You’re joking ……, right?”
“No, I’m not kidding.”

Senpai, smiling shyly, looked as if she were in love.
It was a maiden’s face that made me want to think that she was in love with me.

“Senpai.”
“But I know this love will never come true.”
“—-eh?”

So the next words came as a surprise.

“Unlike back then, there are many women around Nagi kun who are as attractive as, no, more attractive than me. I am at least aware that I am already a woman of memories.”
“…………”
“Isn’t that right?”

I could not answer that Senpai’s reminder. I could not even look at Senpai’s face.

And the silence inexplicably indicated an affirmation of Senpai’s question.

“It’s okay. It’s just that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities I was lucky enough to be given, so I deserved what I got.”
“Senpai …………”
“I just threw away the chance of a lifetime to be Nagi kun’s girlfriend.”

It didn’t seem like Senpai was saying this to lose or to be cool.
It was her true intention. I naturally understood that.

And that made me a little sad.

“But, but…”

But, Senpai continues, giving a meaningful glance at the door of the private room.

“I can’t say anything about it since I escaped at that time. But I can give you advice because I’ve escaped.”

Then slowly turning her gaze toward me, Senpai touched and grabbed both my shoulders with her heated hands, and then said.

“I don’t want you to run away, not from your feelings, not from theirs. And I want you to give me a proper answer.”

The words carried weight. Perhaps it was because they were filled with regret and love that Senpai had carried for the past four or five years.
They were heavy, yet surprisingly easy on my heart.

“I think it’s harder than you think to keep running away.”

Senpai, who had one year more seniority than me, said so and quickly walked away with her bag.

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I heard the sound of a door rattling open, and she listened with a sense of contemplation.

“Oh, my, eavesdropping is a poor taste.”

Acknowledging that there is no excuse for the words thrown back at me, I return the words.

“You knew I was eavesdropping, and you didn’t dare say that, did you?”

She chuckled at that, and then

“Let’s change places. I want to ask you something.”

She whispered, I guess she was trying to make sure that Nagishiro san, who was still standing right next to us, would not hear her.
I had no reason to disagree with her, so I followed her, trying not to make a sound with my footsteps.

It was getting dark and we had to leave the hospital soon, so we caught a cab and left the hospital.

I don’t really intend to get close to her. …… I guess we both had the same feeling, and we decided to head to a private room in the office for a quick chat.

“Then. I don’t think anyone is coming, so please take your time and talk with me.”
“Thank you.”

I thanked the manager for working despite the fact that it was clearly after hours, and sat down in front of Hojo san, who had sat down earlier.

“Thank you for setting up the place.”
“No, it’s the least I could do.”

I wondered what was so interesting about my blunt response, and she said with a satisfied smile and a sigh.

“Well, I guess you don’t like me.”
“I don’t think that”
“Then I guess just my imagination…”

She said this as if talking to herself, but I had no idea what she was talking about.

“So, what’s the question?”

She showed no sign of getting to the point, and I felt like she was being redundant, so I began my own conversation with her.

“Well. I guess You probably don’t have that much time on your hands, so let’s stop wasting it”

I wanted to blame her for saying so and making useless preliminaries, but it seems she is finally ready to talk.
I wondered what she would say. As I waited for her, she asked me

“What does Harushita san think of …… Nagi kun?”

And the question was one that I had anticipated without missing a beat.

“Nagishiro san? ……? well ……, although I consider him a good business associate”

That is why I took advantage of knowing the question ahead of time and answered it while pretending to be serious.
This is how I am good at showing others a gesture that is separate from my emotions and feelings.

-although I didn’t know why I was doing that part.

“Hmmmm, i see….:”

She looked at me carefully so as not to miss even one such gesture, and then sadly blurted it out.

What on earth is she trying to learn about me? Why do I feel like I am being tested even though I have done nothing?

“That’s it?”

Why do I feel like she is hiding something when I hear these words? Why do I feel as if I am being questioned by my parents?

“Well, yeah, …… that’s all I’m saying.”

The reason my words faltered a little must have been because I was under a kind of pressure from her.
Her eyes were that sharp, like a judge’s.

“You’re quite distorted, aren’t you?”
“distorted……?”

There was a word in her words that was unfamiliar to me.
It is a word that is rarely said.

“What’s distorted?”

So, I was a little resistant and asked why.
I didn’t know what it meant to be told that I had a bad personality, or that I was distorted

However, she had no reason to think so.

“What? Because you can’t just do something like that and then claim you’re just business partners, can you?”
“What do you mean by that?”

I had an idea, but for some reason I didn’t want to mention it myself, so I asked.

And as if she had planned for this sentiment, she said it without reserve.

“—-You tried to get Takasaki to hit you.”
“……….”

The woman in front of me said so matter-of-factly.

She continues her words.

“You knew what the person he punched would go through if word got out that he punched a very successful TV idol in the face, didn’t you?”
“………………”
“I’m sure that socially, that person will die. The public will be bashing him, and soon his address, name, and all his private information will be exposed, and he will be beaten up.”

She speaks evasively in a more talkative tone to me, who does not utter a word.

“I’m sure even his family will be affected, they’ll put up a sign in front of his room, and even his parents’ work place will be called. …… Everything around him is falling apart.”
“………………”

I had nothing to say back.
I could not say anything back, because such a future was indeed a story that I could see.

And now it was her turn to get furious with me for keeping my mouth shut.

“I’m going to ask you one more time. What is Nagi kun to you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean by what is he “
“It can’t be just a business associate, can it?”

It was a glaring mistake. I had gotten ahead of myself and had nothing to say back.

“You wouldn’t risk your face, one of the tools of your trade, to do something like that just because a mere business associate was hurt, would you? No, I wouldn’t do that even if it was just a friend.”

Her logical line of reasoning was enough to shut me down.
There was enough evidence there to convince me that I was wrong.

“Love Affair? Or is it a lifeline? How big is Nagi kun to you?”

When she got to that point, she finally realized that she had been speaking out of turn, and let out a breath.

“I’m sorry ……. Things got a little heated.”

Some of the tension that I had in me is also relieved.

“But I’m not trying to get in your way …….”

And she sounded surprisingly sad from what she had just said.
I feel as though I have been easily at the mercy of her tone and manner of speaking since a while ago.

“Rather, the opposite. I want you to be properly happy.”

As if pleading, she said.

“Happy?”
“Yes. Because you are like me.”

When I was told that we were similar, a question mark popped into my head.
I wondered what the similarity was, and what in the world did she know about me?

“I know everything about you, from your background to why you retired. …… Well, this is just a byproduct of my jealousy.”

Somehow I knew what she meant, even though all the important details were missing from what she was saying.
-although I think that perhaps the jealousy was born of a misunderstanding.

“I am sure you are just like me. So I want you to be happy properly. If you do that,…… I’m sure I’ll be happy too.”

She wanted me to go along with her ego, apparently that’s what she meant.
But as much as I thought she was selfish, I felt a kinship with her.

“That’s why you should be aware of what Nagi kun means to you.”
“Nagishiro san …… to me?”

I wonder what kind of person Nagishiro Rin is to me.

I had too little life experience to realize that.

“I’ll see you later.”

It was from this moment on.
I began to think about Nagishiro san.