What Kind Of Newbie Are You?! They Said That “Summoner” Is A Terrible Job, Yet They Call Her The Las

In this situation of overwhelming despair, despite having only spoken once before, the player Kon and her summoned beast Pulelehua rushed in to help.

“Huh… what?!” Johann cried, bewildered. “Kon-san? And… you’ve brought your summoned beast, too?!”

“This is Kon, yeah?” Kon replied cheerfully. “I summoned first before I entered this place here. Your head okay, y’all?”

Johann still doesn’t understand what Kon’s thinking, so she asked:

“Did you have a plan coming in here?”

“A plan?” Kon asked. “That’s not possible, you know? That there is a 100%, genuine shit monster, yeah.”

“Then…why did you come!?” Johann yelled. “You should know all your items and equipment will be stolen.”

“I know, you know,” Kon said. “I don’t know everything, neither. I never intended to come here at all.”

“Then why are you here?” Johann asked.

“Why am I here?” Kon said. “When I saw Maou-han fighting so hard, my heart felt on fire. Before I knew it, my body started moving on its own. I’m an idiot, mhm.”

Kon sticks out her tongue and smiles. 1

“You’re not an idiot at all,” Johann said. “You look fantastic.”

“Really truly?” Kon said. “I’m gettin’ all embarrassed.”

“GEHAHAHAHAHA!”

The dazzling effect of Dance of the Immortal Butterflies wears off, and the Pirate King enters his battle stance again, his aim at Johann and Kon. However, there was another shadow looming over him.

“BRUUUAAHHHH!”

“Geha? Gehahahahaha!” the Pirate King laughed.

It was a Saber. Above his head was his name, Solo. He was the Three-Sword Style Saber that Johann once fought.

“Faif-fuh-fuhfuah-fuahaa!” (I’m the one who will defeat Johann!) 2

“Me, oh my,” Kon said. “Looks like you still have a helper, yeah? Do you know him?”

“No… if I remember correctly, he’s someone I only fought once at an Event…” Johann said.

“One battle at an Event,” Kon said. “In that case, that right there is plenty of reason to come and help. That Three-Sword Style guy is an idiot, that he is. Mm, a good ole idiot.”

“FUGAGAGAGAGA!” Solo roared.

With his Three-Sword Style, Solo also attacks the boss. But he’s not as good as Zecca. The Pirate King’s HP is only gradually going down.

“Pulelehua… the Flower of Life on me,” Kon said.

“Puwah!” Pulelehua cried.

Then, it activates her strongest Skill. With that, Kon’s Magic stat triples.

“And this here would be my magical wand, you know,” Kon said.

What she proudly whipped out was a weapon that looked like a handgun that you couldn’t mistake for a magical wand by any sense of the phrase. However, it was still equipment classified as a magic wand.

“I can just shoot, and shoot, and shoot with this thing here,” Kon said. “Yeah, goin’ full speed ahead y’all!”

And to support Solo, Kon shoots Beginner’s Fireballs from her gun. The destructive power of a single shot is low, but it steadily whittles down their opponent nonetheless.

“Gehahahahaha,” Pirate King Bandit laughs.

“Foui, hyo-ho-fun-fai!” (Hey, don’t look away!) Solo cried.

Solo unleashes his Three-Sword Style exclusive Skill, “Triple Slash”.

“Geha… gehahaha!” Pirate King cackles.

However, he can’t drop its HP as much as Zecca could.

“Our goal for victory ain’t changin,” Kon said. “We’re gon’ take back Maou-han’s armor set, yeah.”

“Hafun-food!” (Understood!) Solo said.

“Then me as well…” Johann said. “Summoned beast call—Hinadora!”

“Mokyu!”

A small black young dragon appears from a geometrical magic circle. If you use its Skill Black Flame, it’ll be gone immediately after, so it’s time for a physical fight.

“Mouh…! Mouh…!” Hinadora grunted.

It was doubtful whether Hinadora’s ramming was even causing damage, but even so, the three-way attack was strong. Due to the large number of attacks, Pirate King Bandit has no chance to activate All Steal.

“Gehahahahaha.”

However, when he breaks himself apart into individual bones, he flies to a place far away from Johann and her friends and reassembles himself. And there, he puts up his hands.

“Gehaha… I like that treasure. All Steal!”

“Guh… really are a Pirate King!” Solo cried.

“No, naw…” Kon whimpered.

Both their equipment was stolen at once.

“Gehahahahahaha”

And the Pirate King pursues once more.

“We’re too weak, ain’t we?” Kon said. “We couldn’t get ‘em to drop a single item.”

“I’m sorry…” Solo said. “Now that it’s come to this… TIME FOR A SUICIDE RUUUUNNNNNN!”

Solo attacks the Pirate King with his bare hands.

“Desperate times, desperate measures!” Kon yelled, doing the same. “I’m goin’ for it, too!”

Hinadora followed suit.

“Al-Alright…” Johann said. “Count me in, too.”

“Oh no, y’all don’t…” Kon said. “Maou-han, stay here.”

“Wh-Why?!” Johann said.

“We’ll definitely get back your armor! So you wait right there, yeah?” Kon said.

“Mokkyu,” Hinadora said.

“B-but…” Johann said.

Even if she got her armor set back… she couldn’t do anything without summoned beasts.

“GUAAHHHH!” Solo yelled.

The Pirate King had finally struck him. And without any Defense to speak of from the start, Solo died in one hit.

“Aw, hell!” Kon snapped. “Enough of all this… die-die-die-!”

“Mokyu-mokyu-moyu!”

Kon and Hinadora do not slow down their attacks. Just how much damage do those bare-handed attacks do? However, even if it’s just 1 point of damage, if it accumulates, it will eventually add up.

“The Pirate King’s Skill ‘Looters’ End’ has been Activated.”

Finally, 3 items dropped from the Pirate King’s body. Kon quickly identifies them.

(One of these is… I can’t use this,) Kon thought. (But these other two…!)

The moment she saw them, she was convinced they would win this battle.

(What in the hell was with that rumor…? Did it turn out to be true, after all?)

The corners of Kon’s mouth rose.

Kon picked up the two items and stuffed them into Hinadora’s mouth.

“Momoh!?” Hinadora cried, its voice muffled.

“Take this to Maou-han, yeah?” Kon said.

“Moh?” Hinadora replied.

“Yeah, ‘s fine,” Kon sighed. “Y’all go now.”

“Mohkyuh,” Hinadora said.

Hinadora hurriedly bounces faster to Johann. The Pirate King sees and holds his sword toward Hinadora.

“I’ll be y’all’s opponent, you hear?” Kon said. “Pulelehua!”

“Puwah!” Pulelehua said.

Together, Summoner and Beast grab the Pirate King, both running out of MP and without enough to cast their Skills. However, the Pirate King easily breaks free and slashes Pulelehua in two.

“Puwaaaaah!” it screams.

Then, its halves disappear.

(Y’all did your best, Pulelehua… thank you, kindly,) Kon thought.

“Gehahahahaha!!” the Pirate King laughed.

“This ain’t good,” Kon said. “I can’t hold back this guy with my power alone, no sir. All up to y’all, Maou-han.”

“Gehahahahaha—Tornado Slash!!”

Kon’s grapple was in vain, the Pirate King launched an attack. A vortex-like slash flies from his saber and roars toward Johann and Hinadora.

Footnotes

Lost in translation: this references a well-known Japanese commercial that has become a cultural icon for a “I’m a dummy.” face.For the interest of speed and my sanity, I’ll not bother to even try to semi-accurately translate Solo’s nonsense into something that sounds even close to what he’s trying to say. It’s just not worth the effort for his gag.