Chapter 60 – Darkness Has Passed and Light Has Come
After that, we talked for about 30 minutes about our recent situation, and then Kasumi left.
When she left, she asked me, “Can we exchange contact details?” and I said, “Sure.”
After I sent Kasumi off, Haruko came out of her room and asked me a lot of questions, but I told her “I think we’ve probably made up. I’m sorry for worrying you,” and she said, “That’s good then…” She seemed unhappy about something, but she didn’t say anything more.
It was starting to get dark, so I took a flashlight and went out for a walk with Dozle.
I was thinking about Urushibara-san as I walked.
Now Urushibara-san feels more distant than before, but I don’t feel like she hates me…
She makes me homemade lunches twice a week, we go home together on days when we have student council meetings, and we have proper conversations…
Conversation in the classroom is not zero at all, but it’s neither too much nor too little because of my original concern for my surroundings.
E-mails and calls are almost non-existent.
After school, Urushibara-san-san goes to the dojo all the time, so she probably doesn’t have time for that.
Arriving at the primary school, I released Dozle and began practicing the karate pattern that has become my daily routine recently.
I repeat the same action while visualizing the example shown by Urushibara-san in my mind.
Then, I realized.
Ever since a while ago, I’ve been thinking only about Urushibara-san.
Even though I just recently reconciled with my childhood friend Kasumi, whom I had been insulated from, I’m thinking only about Urushibara-san, rather than Kasumi.
That’s what Urushibara-san is to me.
She’s a woman I enjoy spending time with, a woman I can’t leave alone, and a woman I admire who has always occupied the majority of my heart.
Until now, a negative part of me refused to admit it, and even after I realized that Urushibara-san liked me, I assumed that I had lost my love and fell into depression on my own.
But isn’t that just running away?
I like Urushibara-san, but I’ve never told her how I feel.
Urushibara-san tried to convey her feelings for me in less direct terms, saying she was ‘prepared.’
Even before that, she had shown her fondness for me many times by her attitude and behavior.
I was just passive and took advantage of it, and in the end I didn’t take any action myself.
Kasumi’s words from earlier overlap with my own now.
“Even if I didn’t say anything, Ichiro always took the lead and did a lot of things. I just had you do it passively, and that was the norm–”
This is exactly the relationship between me and Urushibara-san.
I was just passive, spoiled and took it for granted when Urushibara-san was actively showing her affection for me.
I now know exactly what has been wrong with me.
My biggest problem is that I’ve been passive all this time, not hiding my feelings for Urushibara-san and not showing them.
And what I need to do now is to tell Urushibara-san how I feel.
It may be too late, and she may be dismayed if I tell her now.
But this is the only thing I can think of that I can’t run away from.
I found myself standing in the primary school playground under the street lights.
Dozle is looking at me worriedly.
“Dozle, I get it now. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“Woof!” (Go Ichiro!)
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