Episode 5 – Girlfriend, But Not Really

“Our feelings are already connected you said,…… When?”

“Because you want to have sex with me, don’t you?”

“W-well, I can’t deny it.”

“I want senpai to be happy. –See, we’re connected.”

“Where !?”

“The feeling of ‘I want to do it’.”

“……No, no, no, no ! Wait, calm down !”

For a moment, I was almost convinced, but then I realized something was wrong.

“I think that’s what people call a physical relationship.”

“But if you can do it, it means at least you don’t hate your partner, right?”

“I guess, that’s right.”

“Senpai, I do like you, you know?”

–She said it so lightly.

The first confession I’ve ever received in my life was as light as the texture of a thin cookie.

That’s right, it was so light. The whole thing is so light that it makes me hesitate.

But at the same time, I also think this is the way.

I wonder if she was a good match for me.

Ever since that confession in middle school, I’ve been too afraid to express my feelings to anyone, and I think that this relationship with no feelings is perfect for me.

My head is dizzy from thinking too much.

–I wonder if it’s okay…… Urushibara san also said it’s okay…….

A proposal that sounds too good to be true. I almost accepted it, but then Urushibara san said something that brought me back to my senses.

“You don’t have to like me back, senpai.”

She doesn’t seek affection as long as the other person is happy. Her spirit is like a goddess who self-sacrifice.

But isn’t that….., too sad? I can’t take advantage of her like that. She’s not a game heroine. She’s a real girl.

How can I refuse her without hurting her? I desperately tried to turn my brain, which was on the verge of freezing, into a thought process.

“Are you angry with me, by any chance?”

Said Urushibara san in a frightened voice to me, who was silent and distressed. Her face was pale.

“Eh? N-no.”

“But you’re troubled because of me, right…..?”

“That’s…….”

I can’t deny it. I’m more troubled than ever before. When I hesitated, Urushibara san’s eyes widened.

“I-I’m sorry….! I…….”

She covered her mouth with both hands. The expression on her face was distorted as if she was about to start crying.

“I can’t think of any other way to make you happy.”

It seemed to me that she lost her composure in a rather unusual way.

Yankees and gyarus are insensitive in both good and bad ways. They’re always happy, even if they’re going through a tough time, and they get over it quickly. That was my perception.

But in truth, they’re so fragile. At the very least, Urushibara san is afraid that someone will hate her. That was a shocking experience for me that overturned my stereotypes about gyarus.

Tears began to well up in the corners of Urushibara san’s eyes.

“No, no, calm down. I’m just distressed because too many things happened at once.”

However, she still looked at me with anxious eyes.

“I don’t know Urushibara san well yet. I’m still hesitant with that kind of relationship.

“….Okay.”

She nodded. However, it feels more like back-channeling than an agreement.

“Besides, if you found a man right away, there might be bad rumors about Urushibara san.”

She might be told that she’s unfaithful and that she’s a two-timing bitch.

“……”

Urushibara san looked down. She understood it, but she seemed unconvinced. Her expression looked like that.

I think my words are persuasive enough, but they didn’t reach Urushibara san. 

Even a dull person like me can understand why. It’s because I haven’t told her how I feel and blamed the surrounding environment. They’re rational but empty words. I have no right to say that Urushibara san is empty.

Then I had no choice but to do this. I made up my mind.

“I tell you the truth.”

I intentionally say it out loud while hitting my own butt.

My heart jumps.

[Eh, stop it, you’re grossing me out…..]

That memory reappeared. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.

I don’t know if Urushibara san will listen to my true feelings. But at least let’s be sincere so that I won’t regret it.

I gulped and quenched my dry throat.

“I’m afraid of communicating with someone. That’s why I don’t think I can have a proper relationship.”

“That’s why you don’t have to like me……”

“I don’t want to do that either. I want to do it properly.:

“But you can’t, can you?”

I nodded.

“On the other hand, if I let Urushibara san go on like this, and if you start dating someone and think that you might get dumped or get hurt again, I can’t leave you alone.”

“Are you jealous?”

That’s not what I’m talking about. But it’s true that imagining Urushibara san being hugged by another man makes me hazy.

“Maybe I do.”

Urushibara san’s expression softened a little.

“You’re afraid of having a relationship, but you don’t want someone to take me away from you?”

“….. that’s it.”

“You’re so selfish.”

She smiled happily as she said something like that.

After pondering for a while, she said something out of the blue.

“I understand. Then–I’ll act as if I were your girlfriend !”

“……Hm?”

“Like I said, I’m going to act as your girlfriend.”

“…..What do you mean?”

“Because you’re scared, right? That’s why I’ll teach you how wonderful a girlfriend is !”

“Isn’t that the same…..?”

It’s the same that I’m the only one who feels good.

“It’s the same as approaching someone you’re interested in. Don’t you like that too?”

I don’t mind that. I would rather be approached by such a cute girl.

“But then again, it doesn’t have to be a girlfriend.”

“It’s impossible for me to do half-hearted things like being more than a friend but less than a lover. So I’ll do my best to be your girlfriend.”

When I was troubled by her absurd suggestion, Urushibara san sulked.

“Senpai, even though you said ‘Make the most of it next time’.”

“I did say that, but ……”

I can’t just go along with my words like that. From this point, I think we came to a compromise.

“I understand. Do what you want, Urushibara san.”

“Then I’ll be in your care from today onwards–“

When I thought of that, she suddenly had a difficult look on my face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s strange to say ‘senpai’ when I’m your girlfriend…… But if I call you ‘Izuma san’, it looks like we’re strangers…… –Can I call you by your first name? I mean, what’s your first name?”

“It’s Seita…”

“Hee. Sounds like it.”

Sounds like it?

“As expected, I don’t think it’s a good idea to call you by your first name, so I’ll add ‘kun’ after.”

Gohoo, I cleared my throat.

“Once again, I’ll be in your care from now on, Seita kun.”

“……”

“Why are you ignoring me?”

No, I’m not. I’ve never been called by name by anyone other than a female relative in my entire life.

“……Same here. –More importantly !”

I shouted to cover it up.

“I wanted to remind you of two things.”

“Okay. I’ll listen to anything you say, Seita kun.”

I felt a sudden excitement on the word “anything,” but of course I didn’t give her any unreasonable orders like in H manga.

“I mean, first of all, put on some clothes.”

“Is that the first one?”

“No, that’s not it. You don’t need to be reminded to get dressed !”

“Oka～y.”

Urushibara san put on her uniform and sat down again. I was so nervous that I couldn’t  stop looking at her. I regained my composure and said a few words to confirm.

“First of all, this relationship is a secret. Don’t give people any funny ideas by telling them you’re my girlfriend.”

“Tsk…….”

“….Did you just click your tongue?”

“I was blowing a kiss.”

“You didn’t throw anything, though.”

“Enough about me. What about the second one?”

“Oh, right. Secondly, no excessive physical contact.”

“Excessive…..”

Urushibara san put her index finger on her cheek and pretended to think.

“So you mean you’re okay with B?”

“No, that’s too much !”

‘Then how about A?”

“Not even A.”

“A lover who can’t even kiss is like a cream puff without the custard.”

“Mucous membrane contact is also  excessive !”

“Ehh……. Then–ei !

 (TL/N: The moist, inner lining of some organs and body cavities (such as the nose, mouth, lungs, and stomach).)

Urushibara san suddenly hugged me.

“Hey !?”

“It’s just a hug. No skin or mucous membrane contact, right?”

“B-but…”

I feel her flexibility through her clothes to the fullest.

“Is this no good either…..?”

She looked up at me with a pouty look on her face.

T-that’s not fair. I’m not going to be able to say no.

“W-well. As long as it’s not too frequent,……”

“Okay. Then I’ll limit it to three times a day.”

But I still think it’s too much. I wonder if my reason will hold out.

Urushibara san buried her face in my chest.

“I think I really like your smell, Seita kun.”

–Ughh…….!

Every single one of Urushibara-san’s words would hit a man’s nerve. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away.

“Okay, you’re done !”

“Eh~? But you’re okay with two more times, right?”

“No. Leave at least four hours after the last hug.”

Otherwise, my reason will fly away.

“Ehh……. But it’s like a painkiller.”

Urushibara san’s mouth pouted, but she gave up immediately with a wry smile.

“I understand. I don’t want you to hate me.”

When I was about to push her, she then quickly pulled back. She was much more attentive than I had expected.

“Then, I’m going home.”

“Y-yeah.”

Even though I pushed her off myself, I felt a sense of regret.

“This time, Seit -kun will be the one to confess. Be prepared, okay?”

While smiling mischievously, Urushibara san left the room.

My mental capacity meter was at zero, and I was like.

“Fuuuuuu….”

I let out a long sigh and dropped my head.

It was all I could manage to do to fend off Urushibara san’s aggression. I was almost swept away, but she was just trying to cover up the pain of her broken heart by using the most dull-like guy she could get her hands on – in other words, me. I don’t think she really likes me or wants to go out with me.

I’m just a band-aid until Urushibara san’s heartbreak is healed. Once the wound is healed, I will no longer be needed. That’s fine.

But the “pretend girlfriend” thing has just begun. I hope I can keep my reason until Urushibara san’s wounds heal.

While thinking of the goal that lies ahead, I sighed again.