Where Winter is Warm Where Summer is Cool

As I went up the elevator, I couldn’t help thinking if it was necessary to pass five stages and six generals to see the aloof Mr. Xi? I rolled my eyes.

Outside the door of 1507, I hesitated for a moment before ringing the doorbell.  I didn’t expect a strange woman who be the one answering the door though.

“Who are you looking for?” She asked in English.

I thought she looked Chinese, so I answered in Chinese, “I’m looking for…Xi Xichen.”

She smiled and immediately switched to Chinese, although not very proficiently, “What do you need? He is talking on the phone right now.”

“Please give him this bag of things, thank you.”

I raised the bag to hand it to her, but then Xi Xichen walked into the room from the balcony. As soon as I saw him, I regretted coming.

At that moment, my mobile phone rang. I glanced at the number, nodded to the woman in front of me, stepped back to the side and answered the phone.

The other end of the phone was silent for about five seconds before speaking in a low voice, “Anjie, it’s me.”

“Yeah.”I assumed he must have called Piao Zheng. This time when I’d returned back to France, I’d changed my mobile phone number. I hadn’t had time to give anyone else my new number except for Auntie, Piao Zheng and my previous attending doctor.

“I’m at the airport now. The plane will reach home at eight o’clock.”

“Um.”

“Heh…” His voice sounded unsure. “I just wanted to say goodbye to you…I want to hear your voice again.”

“…Well, safe journey.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Peace? I hope something can happen. I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have called.” Then he took the initiative and hung up.

I was a little speechless by this inexplicable attitude.

“Were you looking for me?” a gentle voice came from behind.

I turned around and met those rare and pleasant eyes. He was standing in the doorway, wearing pajamas, but his face still looked a bit pale.

“Did you go to the hospital to find me?” he asked.

“Is it okay for you…to leave the hospital so early?” I shouldn’t have asked, but I couldn’t help myself.

He smiled. “I don’t want to waste time in the hospital.”

It seemed that there was something more to his words, but I didn’t want to explore more.

I handed him the bag. “I think this is yours.”

He glanced at it, then smiled again, “Why do you think it’s mine?”

When I saw he had no intention of taking it, I put it on the floor by the door. He kept looking at me, as if waiting for me to say something.

“You didn’t need to do so much for me.” I don’t want to accept some unrequited love.

“Goodbye.”

“Anjie.” Xi Xichen stopped me and picked up the bag. “Since you said this is mine, I want to check if there is anything missing.”

“…”

If my will was a little weaker, if my hold on my temper was a little bit weaker, I think I would have gotten angry.

“Xichen, should I leave first?” The woman who opened the door for me was carrying a briefcase and had come back to the door.

Xi Xichen turned around and regained his usual calmness while addressing the lady.

“Okay, I’ll get in touch again. Say hello to your father from me.”

“Definitely! Pay attention to yourself. I want to invite you to dinner in two days.” She smiled and waved at me, and I habitually nodded back politely.

When the woman left, Xi Xichen took my hand, led me into the room and closed the door.  Bewildered by the look in his eyes, I went straight to sit on the sofa nearest to me.

The room was brightly lit, and the LCD TV on the wall was on, broadcasting entertainment programs from local, French, TV stations.

“Coffee or spring water?”

“If you have already checked…”

He poured a glass of water.

“No. After all these years, I need to think about what was left in my pocket at the time.”

I discreetly clenched my hand into a fist.

“Xi Xichen, don’t think you can humiliate me just because you have helped me once or twice.”

He chose to sit on the sofa opposite me. “I didn’t mean to humiliate you.”

I paused.

“Okay, can I go then?”

“When you walked out of the hospital, I thought you would definitely not come to see me again, but I still couldn’t help but think about the possibility of one in ten thousand, so I left a note. And you came to me. I am very happy. In fact, the correct word would be that I am ecstatic,” he said softly.

I bit my lower lip. “I’m here to pay you back.”

He smiled lightly.

“Just now that lady was the person in charge of my French branch, and she wanted to talk about business. I was not in good health, so I asked her to come over here and talk. Her father and my father—”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

He looked visibly stunned, and the corners of his mouth raised slightly, but his voice turned a bit bitter, “Yes, I forgot, you are Jian Anjie. I don’t think I know anymore what is good or bad.”

I stood up helplessly, and asked for the third time, “Have you checked? Can I go?”

“Did I stop you?” He asked coldly.

It was just asking for trouble to try and reason with this unpredictable temperament. I bent down and picked the bag up off the sofa, but he grabbed my hand, causing my heart to shudder.

“Anjie, can you make me happy a little longer?”

He laid back against the sofa, looking up at me.

“I was in heaven a moment ago, and the next moment your attitude told me clearly that you never intended to approach me proactively. You came just to pay something back, and then leave. You don’t even care if there are other women in my room. And if you talk to him on the phone, you need a lot of money.  Perseverance keeps me from thinking too much.”

“Are you accusing me?” I asked calmly, meeting his gaze.

He smiled. “Yes, I’m accusing you, but I am obviously not qualified to.” He apologized, and then let go.

I stood there for two seconds, then without saying goodbye, I walked to the door. When I opened it, he suddenly reached out from behind me and pressed the half-open door shut. When I tried to pull it back open, he hugged me from behind.

He smelled of both medicine and his characteristic, light, minty smell.

“You came to me of your own accord,” he said in a low voice.

“Xi Xichen.”

His voice sounded helpless. “You know I won’t hurt you. But you must not know how much I love you.”

I used to both hate him and be afraid of him. In the few days that I had returned to China, I had been reluctant to face him. But even if I no longer hated him now, the fear still existed.

“That time I hit you, it was the one thing I’ve regretted till now,” he said sadly. “You were trembling, and your mind was gone. You were looking at me blankly and I had to go check on Aunt Qing. But I was afraid that something would happen to you in that trance, so I hit you to try and bring you back…and then it made you afraid of me for so many years. I told you, when it comes to you,  I’ve always been helpless, and that time was the best proof of this.”

I was surprised at his words. However, even if I now knew that his intentions had not been malicious in the first place, what was there to say?

This was the end of the matter and the situation was set. It was like a butterfly effect. The butterfly flaps its wings gently and brings a hurricane to a distant country. Even if the butterfly is unintentional in its actions, the consequences of the disaster are still there.

“I’m leaving.” I said, but there was no denying that my heart was now beating a little faster, for some reason.

The person behind me didn’t move. I felt a little warmth at the base of my neck. My hand holding the doorknob trembled as he planted a small kiss and then let go.

“I’m not in a hurry,” he said quietly, “I can wait for your love for the rest of my life.”

He said love? 

Can love really come so easily?

Back at the dormitory, I sat looking through my French dictionary to try and calm my heart, but it was in vain.

He said for a lifetime?

I laughed at myself.

I’ve become used to living like this for years, and I can’t imagine how long my life will be. 

But I can’t control other people’s thoughts, just like I can’t change myself.  So…so be it.