Your Meaning

Episode 11: It’s Dangerous Outside the Blanket (6)

TL: thursdays 

PR: altacco

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As soon as Dayeon started learning the writing system, she bumped into a large setback. Altius did not use a phonetic script like the Korean Hangul but instead used ideograms like Chinese characters.

Dayeon, who thought she could start reading quickly with about the same effort it took to learn Hangul or an alphabet, fell into a deep despair.

“Here is a book with the most basic characters with which you need to gain proficiency,” said Theo.

“……”

“It’s the textbook most commonly used in schools for both nobles and commoners.”

“……”

“…Is there an issue?” Theo asked uncertainly.

Dayeon made a face like she had eaten something unpleasant. Apprehensive, she asked, “How many characters are in this?”

“There are ten thousand characters.”

“……”

“It would be best if you mastered all of them, but you’ll be able to go through everyday life if you just learn five thousand. Of course, if you wish to read high-level publications, you have to learn them all,” Theo responded. Strangely, his grin felt detestable. 

Afterward, the lesson continued with more difficulties and agony for Dayeon.

“How does this look anything like a tree?” Dayeon asked.

“It is a tree,” Theo asserted. “Here are the leaves, and are these not the roots? I think it’s a very well-thought-out representation.”

“I disagree. Trees look like this.”

Frustrated, Dayeon wrote out ‘mok’ (木), the character for tree, with her own hands.

“…How does this look anything like a tree?”

Theo’s smile, which had stayed on from the start until now, fell. It turned into an obstinate expression that seemed to say that he would never be persuaded.

When the emperor’s knights and the maids who were by her side joined in, saying ‘What kind of tree looks like that?’ Dayeon felt wronged.

It was lonely.

After her first lesson, Dayeon became severely depressed. 

Claiming that she didn’t feel well, she didn’t schedule a followup lesson, and Dayeon planned to continue to be in poor health. 

They said to read at a high level, one had to learn ten thousand characters. However, there was a fervor for education in this world, and not knowing how to read was considered an embarrassment. Were all the kids in this nation geniuses?

As she expected, not learning would be better. Dayeon did not ponder long on it and quickly gave up.

Giving up was comfortable.

It would have been nice if she could have picked things up and dropped them this easily in the past, too. While most people made deliberate choices to impact the important moments in their lives, Dayeon was the type to go with the flow. 

She would empty her mind and leave her body to handle the situation. Then, in general, the pain of the moment would disappear along with the passage of time. 

However, when one dissociates too often, the mind that was left behind would be exhausted, and a time would come when life felt futile and one would know their own unhappiness.

In her world, there were all sorts of books on self-help and soul-searching, about leaving to pave one’s own path. On the surface, people would look at those soul-searchers with envy and praise their brave decisions, but inwardly, they would look at the soul-searchers’ precarious lives and economic instability while taking comfort in their own stable reality.

But it was the same for those soul-searchers. Those who courageously made a different choice looked down on those who lived ordinary lives as idiots. They pitied those unfortunate, unchanging lives and tried their best not to regret their decision.

Both sides looked upon each other as losers and fuel for their own consolation. In the end, there were not many who lived their own lives instead of others’.

Dayeon’s depression and lethargy were the symptoms of burnout that anybody who had lived using all their energy could understand. The mind and body suddenly felt fatigued and easily became sluggish, and the work that they put in the first half of their lives went to waste.

These were the sort of circumstances Dayeon was in. The problem, though, was that the emperor was not someone who would let things be after hearing about what happened.

The emperor had been spending headache-filled days finishing up tax system reforms for quite a while. He had been so busy that he had not even the opportunity to step in the lateral palace.

However, the word that Dayeon confined herself inside, pushing off her lessons with the priest and the exercise with the knights assigned to her, reached him directly. He actually became worried that Dayeon was sick in bed.

Marie and the other maids of the lateral palace were the first to face his fire, and for a petty reason at that: The inside of the lateral palace was too dark and drab.

“Why is it so dark at this hour?”

At some point, whenever there was a problem with Dayeon, Mikhail began to scold the people around her first, making the workers of the lateral palace miserable.

Not long ago, the emperor had called for the gardener of the lateral palace and criticized him for the scarceness of flowers in the garden, the lack of style, and the monotonous composition. The gardener was about to go crazy.

The Imperial Palace was like an organism, and the gardens needed to have unity. Each section of the palace had its own characteristics, but anybody who visited the gardens of the inner palace, the western palace, and the lateral palace would see that save for a few differences, similar flower trees had been planted in each.

Thus, as spring was over, there were not many flowers, and the so-called monotonous composition was identical for not only the lateral palace where Dayeon stayed but also the inner palace where the emperor lived. And yet, the emperor suddenly said to plant more flowers.

In reality, all the  employees of the lateral palace understood exactly what all the emperor’s orders were merging toward—to make things brighter and livelier so that Dayeon would not be depressed.

“Dayeon-nim said she wanted to rest quietly today and to close all the curtains…” Marie replied in a faint voice.

The issue was that the resident of this palace had a preference for keeping the world dark and gloomy.

“Is it just one or two days that she asked to rest quietly?” the emperor said coldly. “This atmosphere is such that it wouldn’t be strange if one fell into a deep sleep inside a coffin.”

Marie shut her eyes tight at the emperor’s griping.

There had to have been something wrong with the temple’s revelation. The lateral palace servants, who had become completely anti-temple, were on the verge of rallying together and forming an association denouncing Herunia.

“Also, change those curtains if you can, and since it’s summer, consider switching out the wallpaper as well.”

“…Yes, Your Majesty.”

And the leader of that heretical association would be Marie.

The emperor clicked his tongue and entered Dayeon’s chambers.

“Wake up now. You can sleep as much as you want when you’re dead.”

The door had been open since earlier, but Dayeon, who had become a caterpillar wrapped up in her blanket, was keeping her eyes firmly closed.

As the emperor stepped closer, Dayeon quietly opened her eyes like she was giving in.

The grand chamberlain, astute as always, placed a chair by her bedside. The emperor sat down on the chair and sighed.

“How do you breathe when it seems so troublesome?”

Occasionally, the emperor asked such lamentful, rhetorical questions. Dayeon, who had nothing to say, buried herself deeper in the blanket. With the way she frequently became one with the blanket, she looked like a young child clinging to a security blanket for psychological comfort.

Mikhail sighed again and pulled down the blanket.

“I heard that you told the priest you aren’t feeling well when he sent you a message and that you put off your next lesson. Is it because you don’t like the teacher?”

“No, it’s not that,” Dayeon hurriedly denied, thinking that Theo might get harmed.

“Then why?”

“……”

Because it would be difficult and take a long time. Because she didn’t want to. She had all these excuses and more, but it was hard to speak honestly, and so Dayeon did not open her mouth.

Impatiently, the emperor continued, “How can you quit so easily after trying only once?”

His expression showed that he really could not understand.

The emperor’s words were very true and sensible, so Dayeon felt a bit scolded.

“And it isn’t like you have anything else to do, do you?”

Just because it was true, was it all right to attack her like this? The emperor was striking down to the bone with these facts.

Dayeon kept her mouth shut as the emperor, like he had set an appointment for it, chided Dayeon enthusiastically today as well.

Why did you stop exercising? Consistency is important for everything. It’s all right to sleep, but it’s critical to keep a regular schedule, and the same goes for eating. You’ll end up ruining your body before you even turn thirty, living as you are. You have to train your body and treat it preciously, like you’ll use it for 100 years. How sad would it be to spend your old age with an unwell body? And so on…

Wow. Our emperor is really amazing.

The servants listening to this tirade all felt like their brains were spilling out. This must have been why the minister of finance kept wanting to turn in a letter of resignation, despite the high salary of the position.

“Don’t you have anything you want to do differently?” asked the emperor.

Dayeon, whose expression turned more devastated as the emperor continued his mental attack, looked as though her soul had already stopped existing in this realm.

“I just want to become space dust and disappear,” she replied.

“……”

Everyone started whispering at her profound answer. Was this a catechism from the divine realm? No, wasn’t this just another sign of mental illness?

The emperor was so dumbfounded that, this time, he could not speak.

Really, both the emperor and Dayeon were incredible. Those who were watching them were in awe.

The emperor, frowning, unconsciously reached out to Dayeon’s hair, which was messy. When Dayeon flinched, his hand stopped like it was nothing, though.

Marie, who had been unable to dress her master despite the hour, suffered so much anxiety from seeing this motion that she secretly took out some digestive medicine and swallowed it with a gulp. The grand chamberlain looked at her with pitying eyes.

When the emperor next spoke, his voice was a level softer than before.

“It’s all right if you can’t do it well.”

“……”

“I didn’t tell you to do things perfectly. Who cares if you’re a little behind? So just keep trying for another half a month. If you aren’t interested in continuing at that point, I won’t force you. Let’s look for something you want to do.”

The emperor was a perfectionist by nature. The attendants and knights, who accomplished whatever the emperor asked of them even with clenched teeth, felt that this tender atmosphere was unfamiliar, not that the emperor had many personal relationships for them to compare this to.

In the end, Dayeon nodded, agreeing to the emperor’s request. It would have been too much for her to refuse when he had said so much. And, as Mikhail mentioned, it was true that she had nothing else in particular to do.

The mood shifted.

“It feels like you’re buried in your blanket every time I see you. Do you like the blanket that much?” the emperor asked.

“…It’s because it’s dangerous outside the blanket,” Dayeon replied, using a familiar joke.

But the emperor, who did not understand her joke, turned serious.

“Dangerous, you say? Do you mean that there are people in the lateral palace who would try to harm you?”

His expression turned bleak, as did the atmosphere of the knights watching over them. Surprised, Dayeon denied it.

“No, that isn’t what I meant…”

Dayeon felt awkward and pressured by the eyes of the people staring at her questioningly, and she leaned in toward the emperor. When Mikhail tilted his head to her, Dayeon whispered in his ear.

After hearing the explanation, Mikhail’s expression was flabbergasted. Everyone wanted to know what Dayeon had said, but they were in no position to ask, so they could only wonder.

“Do you mean that the divine realm is actually full of such lazy, complacent minds?”

Somehow, Mikhail’s shock struck Dayeon as a little humorous. She lowered her head and giggled. That wasn’t quite the case, but the situation was too funny to deny.

“I’ll have to take care of all the temples before that deplorable tendency spreads through the empire,” said the emperor.

His words were a bit scary, but the emperor’s face as he looked at the giggling Dayeon was smiling.

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