Your Meaning

Translator: Motherhen  PR: Myo

Part 1 – The pain that can’t kill us

In the first few months, there had still been some people who had come occasionally.

Divine rights were weaker than Imperial powers and 100 years.

The temple didn’t want to miss the long-awaited opportunity.

Politically as well, she was a source of money, which was good for gathering followers and using them in religious business.

Although she couldn’t possibly remain under the protection of the temple because they couldn’t withstand the pressure of the persistent emperor, since then the temple had been constantly trying to connect with her. 

But it didn’t take long for the priests, who’d visited one by one, to stop coming.

Neither did scholars who had wanted to explore record-breaking events and the aristocrats who had been waiting to use her in long-term political fights.

The last one were all alike.

‘Why?’

Their eyes and expressions uniformly reached the end point of whys.

The process varied from a copperplate full of biblical and unrecognizable ancient letters to sacred tools. 

I didn’t know what you could do, so I’ve prepared this and that, so I’m sure you can do one of these.

They approached with faith but sadly, Dayeon really didn’t know how to do anything.

They couldn’t conceal their embarrassment. And shortly thereafter, they gave up.

Later, there were some people with impure ideas doubting whether the oracle was real.

Naturally, Dayeon was distressed.

It was painful to know that their awe-filled faces harbored expectations and it was painful to see the process of their confused faces showing when she didn’t meet their expectations.

Finally, they were disappointed and she was a little hurt by the question of ‘why?’ on her very existence.

In the case of the Emperor, his judgement was faster than the temple and the nobles.

He hadn’t visited her since the day that he had been granted an audience with her.

The Emperor of Altius wasn’t an unreliable person who moved aimlessly, and the Palace was extremely busy as they had started a post-war reparation with the Sarmans.

In other words, he was in the midst of the bureaucracy.

Dayeon didn’t find it difficult to realize that this was a situation where the strings had usually fallen off [1].

It wasn’t the first time she had ever experienced such a thing in her life.

“……”

Nevertheless, the coldness she had experienced before the confusion disappeared in an unfamiliar land was difficult to overcome. She felt as though she was getting smaller.

Three months after entering the Imperial Palace.

A month since people had stopped visiting.

It was a sunny May fresh with the shade of green trees.

Even in this land, the season of spring was beautiful and fragrant.

“Huh.”

Dayeon let out a feigned smile while looking at the plate, which only had a little bit of grass, soup, and bread on it.

The meal that wasn’t enough to eat became poorer compared to the beginning. Dayeon just moved on without saying anything, and it seemed to be natural now.

It clearly seemed that there was malice and discontent or someone ate voraciously in the middle.

“Huh……”

Disgust and perverse feelings came up rather than sorrow.

In order to survive, you had to show off talents that you didn’t have. 

If you knew how to write Korean characters, ‘it’s an ancient alphabet from a distant continent.’ It felt like you had to sell medicine while demonstrating.

It had to prove its usefulness.

See. It was the same world after all.

Dayeon always struggled to live.

Born not good at anything and always trying hard, she couldn’t help evaluating her continuous effort and inconsequential results.

There were always people in the world who did better than her even if she did more than she could. When it was difficult to achieve, she was immediately squeezed back.

In fact, it’s about the same from here. Their abilities are a little bit better than mine, and when I compare myself to other people’s lives, I’m frustrated and disappointed.

Those series of days when you pretend to have something, pretend to know something, pretend to be good at something. You wrap yourself up in a plausible way, and secretly feel a sense of inferiority.

No, do I have to live here like that again?

Trying to meet the standards here and catch their attention?

It was quick to feel bored and tired.

Dayeon gave up adapting at some point and became extremely lethargic.

She laid on her bed, didn’t get out of it, and often skipped meals.

It seemed as if all her will and passion had been exhausted in the world she lived before. She was uninterested in all work, and shortly became sluggish and indolent.

And at night, the tears came for no reason.

Among the courtesans in the palace, the rumor spread with wings, saying that she was suffering from a mental illness.

Perhaps there was no identification available here to diagnose her symptoms.

The emotions and climate here were different from the New World, and she wondered if the disease had penetrated her mind. She used her elegant vocabulary to speak against her situation as gossip, when in fact, her symptoms were nothing special.

Seven out of ten modern workers weren’t sick.

It was just common depression.

“Skips meals and haven’t been out of bed for days?”

Upon receiving the report, the Emperor tried to ignore it.

She wasn’t worth much already. His possession of her alone will prevent the temple from attempting to make a political move.

And if she were to go back under the jurisdiction of the temple, it wouldn’t be much different.

– I’m stronger than I look, so I’ll be able to do the hard work very well.

Huh, good gracious. Reminded of what she said, the Emperor looked dumbfounded for a moment. Then he shook his head.

She is truly a useless woman.

Dayeon’s face, which briefly came to mind, quickly disappeared from the Emperor’s mind without much thought.

So a few days later, the Emperor of Altius’ encounter with Dayeon was purely a coincidence that had not been planned.

Unintentional, accidental, like fate arranged by God.

꘏꘏꘏

“…. Ms. Dayeon, Ms. Dayeon. Please wake up.”

From the beginning, the voice of the maid next to her was noisy. Dayeon frowned.

“I know, so quiet down, Marie.”

“You keep saying you know everyday and continue to lie down! If you keep lying down like that, your back will get moldy! Hurry, lilacs bloomed beautifully on the way to the West Palace. Be sure to go see it today.”

“……. Hmm, can we go tomorrow?”

“We can’t! You said that yesterday and the day before yesterday! The flowers will fall!”

With her hands on her waist, it seemed that her fierce spirit wouldn’t stop nagging until Dayeon stood up.

Dayeon sighed as if making land sink [2] and slowly raised her body.

The maid’s face brightened when she saw Dayeon getting up from bed. Dayeon’s mind was changing, so she quickly brought water to wash her face.

Her barely waking up was hard to look at.

She hadn’t washed her face for days, let alone take a bath, so her hair was a bit dirty.

Marie, who had been trying to tidy up her hair, was startled by the oil on her hand, and ran out to get a bath ready.

Inside the bedroom was dark and musty.

All the servants who had to wait by their side were silent where they were. 

That was why Dayeon had not come out from her blanket in her bedroom for days.

The meal was all settled on the bed. She didn’t even eat it, and it was common that it would be as intact as it had first arrived when it left.

Anyhow, the untouched meal had even become shabby.

They didn’t supervise them and they didn’t look for them because they had no knowledge of how the palace worked and their strings fell.

Marie was a particularly friendly and weak-natured girl among the maids. She was the only young maid among them who constantly bothered Dayeon and stuck beside her.

Patience and walking on a tightrope was important in the palace, but in contrary, she was a child who was somewhat incapable of taking care of their own business. 

“How is it? It’s really pretty like I said, right? Originally, there was a magnolia tree in this area until last year! The lilacs are pretty but the magnolia was also really pretty, so I don’t really know……”

“Yes, it’s pretty. But you know, I’d like to sit down.”

Dayeon cut off her chatter that was on the verge of becoming endless.

Dayeon, who had become lackadaisical and gloomy lately, thought because she was lonely, she would sometimes say the same useless things again and again.

“Oh my, you can’t sit on the ground! If you do something wrong, you’ll get skin irritation! I’ll bring you something to sit on, so wait a minute! You can’t just sit on the floor, yes?!”

“…….”

Without hearing the answer, Dayeon flopped on the ground as she looked at Marie’s distant back running.

She didn’t listen to the strong request to never sit on the ground.

It’s tiresome, it’s troublesome. Everything is just a hassle.

“…… it’s pretty.”

Spring had come and the flowers had bloomed.

Some flowers were white and some trees were green.

Nature’s vitality was too intense.

“……..”

It’s strange.

The flowers were pretty, the sunshine was warm, and they were so beautiful, but why was her heart so helpless and sad?

It was unknown.

As she leaned against a tree trunk thick enough that she could not catch her hand even if it was extended for a long time, Dayeon closed her eyes and decided to take a break.

.

At the same time.

.

Emperor Mikhail Dnar Altius was on his way back to the palace after meeting the Sarmanian envoy who had been sent to negotiate the post-war compensations.

The overlapping of the Emperor’s movements in the Imperial Palace would be quite deliberate, as they were.

There was nothing personal about the Emperor’s schedule, and those who had business were often snooping around it.

But the Emperor thought it was an unintended, precise coincidence, that she stood out at this hour on the path he was passing by.

If it’s intentional, there’s no way an adult woman would just sit carelessly on the dirt with her legs stretched out like that.

The Emperor stopped abruptly because such absurd things couldn’t be seen easily at the palace, and her pale face was pathetic as if she hadn’t received a bowl of blood.

When the Emperor stopped, a long line of servants and guards were forced to stop at the same time.

Even after receiving reports, the Emperor knew at a glance that she was unwell.

In a few months, the visibly lean face was tacky and white.

Whether she was asleep or just resting, she sat still and basked under the sunshine.

“…….” 

The Emperor stopped a few steps away and looked at the scenery gazingly as if he was admiring it for a moment.

A strangely eye-catching landscape painting with warm sunlight pouring over the tired and exhausted complexion.

[1] strings fall off: for ways or means to live on to be cut off

[2] making land sink: an idiom for ‘the manner of drawing a very deep and loud sigh.’

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