Constant Gaze

In hindsight, Xu Xing wondered whether he had inadvertently mislead this sweet little bastard. On one hand, he felt that the “rules” had been broken, but on the other, he felt it was natural, so he completely accepted Wu Shijiu’s logic and kissed when he wanted it, it was reasonable and well-founded.

Motive? Intent? There was no such thing. He thought that if he treated their occasional intimate contact like a pastime or a game and relied on the level of their friendship, he would be an adult again. As long as he had a sense of propriety, it wouldn’t matter if he indulged the little boy, and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Besides, he was busy enough handling his own affairs.

He’d been especially busy recently, the plan they had finalised last week had officially launched this week, and the company was in chaos. Working overtime was the norm, and nobody could escape. In order to help his mind handle the high-intensity work, he drank coffee like water during the day at the office, but when night came, his excited brain couldn’t settle down. He clearly remembered he closed his eyes at 10 o’clock, but he tossed and turned for an hour and still couldn’t fall asleep.

Soon, it was 12 o’clock, so Xu Xing simply got out from bed and left the room, going to get a cold glass of water or to the second floor to sit with Wu Shijiu for a bit.

That was a good idea, it was a great way to calm himself.

Not knowing if the other party was still awake, he went up the stairs as quietly as possible to avoid waking a sleeping person, although, based on his usual schedule, Wu Shijiu shouldn’t be asleep this early.

“Shijiu.” He saw few lights shining from the inside of the almost-closed door as soon as he turned the corner of the stairs, so he knocked on the door three times and called out, “Sorry to bother you.”

“Yo, what’s up?” The door opened wide and soft light scattered over the floor. The young man leaning over the table straightened up, turning his head and responding quickly, “Can’t sleep?”

“I have insomnia.”

Xu Xing replied casually and closed the door. He sat down on Wu Shijiu’s bed and looked around the sometimes reserved and sometimes wicked boy’s room, which was filled with the restless hormones of adolescence. Sneakers, comics, a small stereo he brought from home, and a pile of long pillows at the head of the bed. He picked a soft pillow and hugged it, tiredly saying, “Don’t mind me, I’m fine like this.”

“You’ve been exhausted these past few days huh.” Wu Shijiu leaned on the back of the chair and spoke lovingly, “It’s fine, I’ll sit with you for a bit.”

“That’s nice of you.” Xu Xing refused him politely, “Do your homework, don’t think about goofing off.”

“……”

Wu Shijiu turned back resentfully and continued biting his pen.

Xu Xing was also not doing anything, so he went to the messy desk and stood by to watch the high schooler staying up all night to study without the slightest sympathy, “You’re not doing your homework, and you’re not sleeping either, what are you doing then?”

“I can’t!” Wu Shijiu bent his legs and stepped up on the chair, righteously saying, “You do it if you can.”

Xu Xing himself didn’t know if he wanted to beat him or pet him, so he stood behind him and bent down, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder, and frowned as he examined the topic and mumbled.

“Let me take a look.”

As the weather gradually turned colder, Wu Shijiu’s pyjamas also went from the most basic sleeveless shirts and shorts to slightly thicker, loose T-shirts. The white distressed round collar exposed a slender necklace around his neck, the worn fabric felt soft and smooth, and it smelled like its owner’s grapefruit-scented shower gel, it was the sweet and sour scent of an eighteen-year-old.

All the infinitely magnified details gave rise to distracting thoughts in Xu Xing’s heart.

Luckily, the subject was easy for him, so he only wasted a few moments to sort out his thoughts. He took the blank scratch paper from under Wu Shijiu’s hand and wrote down the solution in completely different handwriting, elaborating upon every step, analysing things point by point.

“I may not be an expert at other things, but geometry is what I’m best at.”

Xu Xing wrote with his right hand and passed his left under the crook of Wu Shiju’s arm, pointing out the places where to draw the auxiliary lines on the problems.

“Here, you can’t go and solve the next one directly, understand? The factors given to you on the last one were a diversion, first, you need to solver the problem in the middle, then use it to substitute into the formula given later, then work backwards.”

Wu Shijiu felt as though he were sitting on pins and needles.

He didn’t listen to a single point he said.

Xu Xing had shaved today, his chin was clean, and his aftershave was the one he liked the smell of. Maybe his clothes were still a bit thin, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to so clearly feel the movement of Xu Xing’s Adam’s apple and lingering breath as he opened and closed his mouth, and this, coupled with the way their temples rubbed together as he leaned forward to write, and the man’s deliberately lowered volume as he spoke into his ears, whittled away at his rationality.

“Understand?” Xu Xing stuck the pen back into his empty hand and straightened up, “Get writing, go to sleep when you finish.”

Wu Shijiu lowered his head and concentrated on solving the problems, and he chose to continue watching from the sidelines to avoid follow-up questions from arising. For some reason, his gaze focused on that silver necklace.

Next to the bump of his slim neck bone, the extension chain at the end of the necklace had wrapped around the main chain and twisted into an awkward knot.

Xu Xing stared at it for a long time, then reached out a hand to lift the necklace, grabbing that small extension chain and slowly untangling it, separating it, and letting it naturally hang back down.

Much better.

He had just moved his hand aside when Wu Shijiu stopped writing.

“This won’t do.”

Xu Xing was puzzled.

Wu Shijiu pushed the pen and paper away and turned his chair to face Xu Xing. Soft hair fell scattered over his forehead, both his hands pressed down on the empty corner of the chair between his legs, and he lifted up his head somewhat expectantly, his expression young, frank, enthusiastic and unafraid.

He had never doubted or cowered, unaware of the danger and loss of control in the unknown world.

“I’ll get distracted if you’re here, uncle.”

He licked his tightly closed lips, the tip of his tongue moist and red.

“You’re too handsome, I always want to kiss you.”


The window curtains were blown open by the night wind, the moonlight came in and illuminated Xu Xing, who had one hand pressed against the desk. He was holding his breath, as it was easy for words and actions to lose their meaning at this moment. The young man had already closed his eyes in preparation for his reward, his slightly parted lips like the entrance to a dreamland. He wanted to open it up a little more, and taste a bit of that ambiguous reverie.

The tip of his tongue explored between lips and teeth, repeatedly inspecting that beauty he never had expectations for. He heard the other party’s briefly startled groan, but the incomplete sound was swallowed up by him, as he licked, sucked, then changed the angle and probed deeply once again, capturing those secret palpitations, waiting for them to become spring water, candyfloss, or squirrels rolling about in the snow.

As this unexpected kiss ended, Wu Shijiu finally had an opportunity to gasp for breath. He bit his tongue and stared blankly, like a clumsy puppy, and it was a long time before he returned to his senses, blushing as he sank into a predicament without realising.

He grasped Xu Xing’s hand firmly.

He was about to fall.