Constant Gaze

——What was the experience of craving someone like?

Coveting, arousing. To want to touch him, to offend him, to see him unable to cope. To want to give yourself to him, to let him do the things he wants to do but never could before, interesting things, terrible things, maybe even forbidden things.

But he was completely ignorant to all of this, he hovered around unrestrainedly on a place just within your radar, answering a phone call in one moment, changing his clothes in the next, leaving you alone to stand your ground and wrestle against your weak self-control, incessantly recharging your delusions until your heart went bankrupt.

Xu Xing didn’t have to go to work this morning, he only had an unimportant meeting in the afternoon. As a result, he took advantage of the time to go to the gym at noon, returned home at 2 o’clock, and was still able to have afternoon tea while making use of every second. Compared to his usual pace, this was already considered a rather leisurely day.

He poured a glass of Ovaltine for Wu Shijiu, skilfully controlling the drink’s colour and temperature, and put two cod liver oil supplement pills in a small dish. These kinds of unremarkable trifles would usually depend on his supervision. The other was currently changing into his uniform and tidying up his backpack unwillingly, having to return to school for an evening self-study session in half an hour.

“I’m leaving.” The little bastard stomped his feet with grief and indignation, “I hate it.”

“You’re still coming back tonight.”

“I’m leaving!” He insisted emphatically.

“…Then I politely urge you to stay.” Xu Xing was shirtless, he poked his head out from the front of the wardrobe and proposed, “How about you wait for me? I’ll take you there, it’s on the way.”

He looked at Wu Shijiu’s black and white school uniform, his trouser legs were perfectly straight and long. Wu Shijiu put down the glass and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then walked towards him aggressively.

“No!”

That determined enthusiasm completely crumbled a second before he kissed him.

“Recharge me.”

The young man’s voice still had the magnetism of the time after his voice change, somewhere between young and mature, almost moving.

“Or else these five hours will be too hard to bear.”

The thick curtains were drawn in Xu Xing’s room, the light and noise had no way to come in, and the people and things were covered by blushing yellow shadows. It was very easy to be led astray when spending time alone in such a confined environment.

He was embraced by the neck, and had no choice but to compromise, “You can’t sit still for five hours?”

Wu Shiju rubbed against him with the tip of his nose, his words were wilful, but his tone was clearly acting spoiled, “That’s right.”

“What are you going to do, then?”

“Skip class.”

“What are you going to do after skipping?”

“Whatever I want with you.”

“And if I don’t allow it?”

“Then…” His low words came to a stop at this point, and he slowly pressed against the man’s lips, “Please do whatever you want with me.”

His mouth had the lingering taste of cocoa, not bitter, but rather an overflowing sweetness softened by his lips and tongue. He was sweating, perhaps he was uneasy, but he wasn’t shy in the slightest. He learnt everything quickly, both good and bad, and was ignorant, not yet knowing anything about love. Hot-blooded, he just impetuously took the initiative to demand things from you, and you knew this was wrong, but you liked it.

Xu Xing wasn’t wearing a shirt, and Wu Shijiu clung onto his shoulders, his hands sliding over his bare back, fingertips moist and cold, leaving scratches on the surface of his skin.

The young man with weak concentration eventually couldn't hold on, and he wobbled while standing on tiptoes, losing his balance. Xu Xing almost couldn’t hold on to him, the two leaned on the wardrobe’s wooden sliding door and scattered threads of water were dragged out when their lips and tongues separated.

His eyes exuded the dampness of the first awakening of love, and his hands would stubbornly not let go. He leaned against Xu Xing’s throat to catch his breath, regretting this unavoidable interruption.

“I can’t… stand steady,” His face blushed deep red, and he gave an embarrassed, quiet laugh, “My legs went soft…”


——Up until now, all his scattered and fragmented instincts, his greed with unclear boundaries, and his thirst for dependence and touch all pointed towards a clear answer.

This was called desire.