Flying Gulls Never Land

What is freedom?

Before I was 16 years old, freedom to me was a bird in the air, a fish in the water, and the precious existence of life and love that could be abandoned in pedophy's mouth. It was abstract and general.

After sixteen, freedom has a more precise definition. It became unreachable, beyond the high wall, and the goddess who let the king of Chu Xiang lead the dream around.

It took me ten years to have it again.

I still remember that on the day I got out of prison, I stood behind the slowly opened iron door with simple luggage. It was just a wall apart. It seemed bluer that day, and the air was sweeter.

I greedily took a deep breath, ready to meet the long lost freshman.

"Lu Feng..." Behind me, old yellow, a prison guard, stopped me. What I vomited out of my mouth was no longer a cold string of numbers, but my name.

At the age of 16, I was jailed for intentional homicide for ten years. Except for the first two years, I spent the next eight years in the first prison of Qingwan city. Lao Huang was already in his fifties at that time. He should have retired after giving me a gift.

"Don't look back." Seeing that I was turning around, Lao Huang stopped me in time, "go straight ahead and never come back."

Strange to say, the joy of regaining freedom did not make my eyes full of tears, but Lao Huang's plain words made my nose and hair sour and sad.

Blinking off the excitement, I waved my back to him and strode to the iron door.

"Let's say goodbye, and we'll never see Lao Huang again."

I don't know what kind of expression Lao Huang looks like. Anyway, I'm very happy with my own smile. I've never been so excited in ten years that I can jump when I walk.

"Didi, Didi "Didi, Didi..."

I was awakened from my sleep by a noisy hum, and when I opened my eyes to see the mottled and broken ceiling in the dim light, I was still a little lost. It took me a long time to remember that I was no longer in the first prison.

There was no snoring in room 67, no bad smell of feet, no need to get up and work in the morning, not to spend every day step by step.

Even if I've been out of prison for three months, sometimes I'm sleepy, and I still think I'm trapped in that bucket like building. It's a dead place where the sun doesn't reach.

I took off the alarm clock, rubbed the root of my nose and stayed in bed for a few minutes before I got up and got out of bed.

after half a month's continuous drizzle, today's rare day is awesome. The sky is blue and the clouds are blossoming. The sun is shining brightly, and people are unable to open their eyes.

After a quick wash, I put on a cowboy jacket and went out the door. I bought two sets of pancakes and a cup of soybean milk downstairs. I walked to the bus stop 100 meters away and waited for about five minutes for the bus I wanted to take.

There was no one on the bus on Saturday morning, and I was the only one left on the bus when I got to the last stop.

The driver asked me if I got off at the terminal and said that if there was no one at the next bus stop, he would not stop.

"Well, I'm in Minyou nursing home."

The driver looked at me in the rearview mirror: "look at the patient?"

I sucked the soybean milk that had almost reached the bottom and nodded at random: "my mother."

In an instant, the driver showed a little pity and let out a long sigh.

"Poor."

I dropped my eyes, bit the straw in my mouth and squeezed the plastic cup flat, without answering.

I don't know how long the driver has been driving this line. Naturally, he knows where the "Minyou nursing home" is. To put it bluntly, it is a professional nursing hospital that advocates palliative treatment. To put it bluntly, it is just a hospice hospital for patients with malignant tumor waiting to die.

My mother got lymphoid cancer, a year ago, physical examination found that it was advanced.

At that time, I had a year to go before I was out of prison. She had come here very often, and she always wanted to imagine with me a good life after I got out of prison. Even after I got married, she would take care of the children, and the family of 246 women would take such things as no shadow. I don't think it's right to suddenly not come.

Later, a friend of my mother came to see me. At first, she told me that my mother was hospitalized with appendicitis and could not come for a short time.

After so many years in prison, I didn't learn anything else, but I was good at looking at people's faces. I knew that cecitis was all bullshit when I saw her expression. Sure enough, she told the truth again and again.

In the face of a strange cancer name, I was stunned for a long time. I didn't even know when my mother's friend left.

In the evening of that day, I took advantage of my free time to borrow two medical books from the library. After a week's study, I finally found out with regret that my mother had a terminal illness. Unless the LORD came to this land to patch my mother with a golden finger, she would not have been saved.

After knowing the situation, I didn't feel much sorrow, but I was numb and confused all day, as if I was dreaming all the time.

A few days after that, I had been unable to get through the phone, and finally got through. My mother said that she was OK in the first sentence, so I didn't have to worry about her.

"You have cancer. Do you think you can be ok if you say it's ok?" I can't be with my close relatives when they are ill, which makes me very upset.My mother was silent for a moment, and then she spoke in a different tone, no longer pretending to be relaxed.

"I have changed the password of several bank cards to your birthday. If I have something to do, don't forget to transfer the money. It's almost impossible to cure this disease. Although I've received conservative treatment from doctors, I know it's just to prolong my life as much as possible

Not long ago, she was still imagining the future with me, but now she left her last words. She talked about a lot about the location of the bankbook, the location of the house in the family, and even some basic procedures for her burial after her death.

Finally she said, "son, I'll try to hold on until you get out of prison and we'll go home together."

At that time, I have almost forgotten the mood, also do not want to recall, only remember numbness after It's just amazing pain.

My mother did what she said. As expected, she held on to me until I got out of prison. Even the doctor who predicted that she would only live well for half a year felt strange. But she failed to go home with me. She was in poor health and was sent to Minyou nursing home shortly before I was released from prison.

In the words of doctors, good conditions and facilities can make patients leave the world with dignity and comfort.

The nursing home is located in the suburb, the environment is beautiful, and it is sunny today. The inpatient building is particularly bright and clean. The light colored marble floor tiles can be used to identify people, and it can roll on it cleanly.

When I entered the ward with my mother's pancakes, there was no one in it. The quilts were folded neatly, as if no one had ever slept. I looked at the name written on the eye bed, Lin Xiangping, my mother is right.

The heart rises thick uneasiness, afraid that my mother is not what the matter, just want to find someone, the ward door came to the sound.

"Ah Feng, come on..."

As soon as I turned around, I saw that my mother was well helped by the nurse and was walking in. She jumped to the heart of her throat, and then she returned to her original position.

"Where did this go in the early morning?" I went over and helped my mother to bed.

"Look at the weather, go out for a walk."

She is now very sick, her skin is not good, and she is thin. Anyone who sees her will not think she looks good. However, the nurse who takes care of her always tells me that Miss Lin is the most temperament dying patient she has ever met.

In fact, it's just to be strong.

My mother wanted to be strong all her life. She was afraid that people would see her disheartened side. Even as her son, I seldom saw her losing her manners.

The only time was when my case was pronounced. When the judge announced the number of "ten years", she suddenly got up, breathless and gloomy.

I thought she would scold me for losing her face, or just throw a shoe at my head.

But she didn't say anything. Her cheeks were tight. She just slapped the Sheng min gull sitting beside her with her backhand.

The slap in the face made even the judge tremble uncontrollably. The bright red palm print remained on Sheng Minou's handsome face. It was like that the white porcelain bottle with soft, greasy and beautiful beauty was painted with an ugly red mark, which was suddenly dazzling.

The bailiff took me out of the court. I watched my mother all the way and couldn't help but go to see Sheng min ou.

He looked down and said nothing. He didn't care about the slap my mother gave him, nor did he respond to my eyes.

The crowd rose and left in an orderly manner. My mother walked up to me with red eyes, even if she was stopped by the bailiff and wanted to see me more.

Sheng min ou still sat there motionless. At that time, I thought he didn't dare to face me and blamed himself for his negligence in this matter. Later, I found that I was really too simple.

How happy he was to be sitting in the auditorium at that time, and how could he care about my mother's slap?

He didn't look at me, nor was he beaten out of his body by my mother. He was just afraid to look at me, and he couldn't help but let out the pleasure of his eyes.

"Didn't you say you wanted pancakes last time? I brought it to you today, but it's a little bit cold on the road. I'll heat you up. "

I asked the nurse to accompany my mother and go to the tea room in the hallway to make hot pancakes.

It was still early, and there was no sound in the corridor except for the occasional coughing and whispering voices from the wards, and the tea room was empty.

I put the pancakes in the microwave for half a minute. It was almost warm and I took it out.

Although she specifically said that she wanted to eat, it was very difficult for my mother to have an appetite for food in her current physical condition. At most, she tasted something and put it down after two mouthfuls.

Carrying the bag back, nearly to the door of my mother's ward, "Ding" to a sound, not far from the elevator stopped in this floor.

I didn't stop and walked on as usual until a stiff figure of a suit stepped out of the elevator and blocked my way.

Even if I haven't seen him for ten years, I still recognize Sheng min gull in a flash.

He carried a rich basket in his left hand, and he was still talking on the phone in his right hand.

"I haven't forgotten my appointment tonight. I'll be there on time." When he spoke, his tone was restrained, but there was a strong impatience between his eyebrows.I'm such a big man around him, he can't ignore the past.

He took a glance at me at the end of his eye. At first, he didn't care, but after he said two words to the person on the other end of the phone, he suddenly stopped and slowly looked over like a ghost in the daytime.

He finally recognized me.

"I have something to do now. I'll call you back later." He hung up the phone and put his hand in his trouser pocket to look at me.

He looked at me as if he was assessing whether I was a escaped prisoner, whether the hand in his trouser pocket would call a policeman or something.

"When did you come out?"

When he evaluated me, I also evaluated him.

Ten years later, I grew up and he didn't grow up, but my TM was still not as tall as him, nearly half a head short.

"Three months." Although I can't smoke, I really want to have a cigarette right now. Light up his ya face, see how he still put out this high face.

He gave me a faint "Oh" and handed me the fruit basket: "you'd better send it in. I'm afraid that Ms. Lin will yell at me again when she sees me. Being too excited is not good for her health."

I took a look at the luxurious and exquisite fruit basket and said thanks to him.

"If you have any difficulties in the future, you can call me. The nurse should have my contact information."

His cell phone is in his right pants pocket, and I am not a wild man without mobile phone. Leaving a phone call for one minute is ink stained, but he makes it difficult for me to find the nurse for his contact information.

Between his seemingly impeccable manners and his real idea that he would like to have nothing to do with my old age, there was only a piece of paper with a pretentious attitude. As long as a finger, a word can be pierced, but I still did not say anything.

I said with a smile, "OK."

Ten years ago, I would not hesitate to expose him, but now I have grown up. The world of adults is like this, even a piece of thin paper, better than nothing to cover, is always better than to face the ugly truth.

He turned to press the elevator button, not very distracted to say goodbye to me: "I have something else to go."

During the movement, a faint air flow was blowing, and a cold fragrance came to my face. The leather mixed with the smell of sandalwood instantly occupied my whole nose.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?"

He tilted his face, his eyes fell on my face, and then moved away, staying for only two seconds. When the elevator came, he stepped in without saying a word, as if ignoring my question.

I was stunned for a moment and understood that this should mean "no".

Watching him walk into the elevator, in this small and uninhabited space, he seems to finally no longer maintain the mask in front of people, revealing a little nature.

His frowning brows and eyes were stretched out, and his eyes were half drooping, showing a look of extreme arrogance. In his eyes, anyone is just a talking pig, and a casual conversation is the greatest gift.

Just now God knows how he is disgusting to talk to me, that must be very difficult for him.

I swayed back to the ward with a fruit basket and a pancake bowl.

"Why did you come back with a fruit basket after a hot breakfast?" My mother stopped communicating with the nurse and asked me with a slightly puzzled eyebrow.

I put the basket on the bedside table, picked up the delicious pears, and decided to wash and taste them.

"Shengmin gull just came here..."

I haven't finished my words, except for the fragrant pear in my hand, all the other fruits in the fruit basket were lifted to the ground by my mother, so fast that they can be described as "swift and violent".

She gasped, her temples scattered: "tell him to get out of here!"

My mother seldom loses her manners, but now she ignores the uproar and scolds her adopted son to "go away".