Flying Gulls Never Land

With two days to go before New Year's Eve, my mother fell into a coma and the doctor said she might never wake up again.

Because I don't know exactly when the last moment will come, I can only stay in the hospital all day, except occasionally going to the hospital building to breathe, the rest of the time I stay in my mother's ward.

In just a few days, I learned to smoke. Good habits need to be adhered to every day, and bad habits can be so sophisticated that even you have to doubt whether you are gifted or not.

After learning, I found that the original smoke is not all bitter. The white smoke flows through the lungs, exhales the mouth and nose, and the strong liquor like feeling haunts the whole body. It is very relaxed and addictive.

Only when I smoke a few puffs, can I completely empty myself, not think about the past and future, shield birth, aging and death.

"Look at me, it's not far away!"

"I'm also far away. Look at me..."

I was standing under a willow tree in the garden, not far away were two seven or eight year old boys playing with water guns by the pond, who shot farther than me. Many patients are walking around, but they don't look like their parents.

Is not enough school homework, let them lay eggs to play in winter here?

Holding my cigarette holder and spitting out a puff of white fog, I looked at the withered lotus leaf pond, and suddenly remembered that I had such a bear time.

It was the year when I first went to primary school. The school organized spring outing. All the students took the bus to an amusement park and got off the bus to start free activities.

After the class was disbanded, I went with several classmates and played a few amusement projects. I didn't feel satisfied, so I wanted to go boating.

Before the dissolution of the teacher in charge of a class, he made it clear that if he didn't let us get close to the lake, he was afraid that something would happen to us. However, we couldn't stop our pace because of the pursuit of excitement. Finally, we ran to the wharf.

But if you really play, it's just like that.

Four people a small Swan rowing boat, not very skilled, clumsy in the green pool water forward, from time to time also in situ rotation. I feel a little bored, put down the paddle, eyes swept to the shore, just to see the familiar figure passing by.

"Brother!" I didn't care to stand up on the boat.

Sheng min gull in the distance and several of his senior students of the same age around him heard the cry, and they all came to see me.

At that time, Sheng min ou and I were in a primary school. When I was in grade one, he was in grade five. However, we did not have classes in the same building. In addition to returning home together, there was almost no interaction in the daytime.

Sheng Minou looked at me without moving, and did not make any response. Just now he was chatting and laughing with his classmates. For a while, his expression on his face was pale. He is always like this, facing my eager eyes, listening to my warm call, but always like a bystander. Indifference, alienation, and some vigilance.

The boat swayed slightly, and three other boys on board screamed and asked me to sit down.

I pointed to the shore: "shall we row over? I'm going to find my brother

I directed them and tried to paddle to the shore. I was afraid that Sheng min gull would not be able to wait. I kept waving my arms and told him to wait for me, saying that he would be there soon.

The lotus leaves are growing in the pond water near the shore. We try our best to row into the lotus leaves, but we can hardly reach the shore.

I don't know if my retention has played a role. Shengmin gull has not left yet, but there is no further action. I dropped my oar and stood up and held out my hand at him.

"Brother, I'll go with you and give me a hand."

Sheng min gull stares at my outstretched hand for a long time. I'm a little worried. I'm afraid that he won't want to. He'll lean towards the edge of the cygnet.

In an instant, the ship tilted, I lost my balance and fell forward into the cold lake in early spring.

I flutter in the water, green lotus leaves around me, I hold those stems and leaves, as if grasping their own life-saving straw.

Around the sound of panic calls for help, mouth and nose choked into the fishy cold water. In the shaking sight, Sheng min gull just stood on the bank and looked down at me, calm as if it was not his brother who fell into the water, but a noisy frog. He knew it would be OK and he would not be worried about it.

Soon a passer-by jumped into the water to save me. In fact, the lake was not very deep. It was about two meters deep, and there was a big vat for planting lotus flowers under it. But for me, who was only 1.2 meters at that time, it was a disaster.

When I was rescued, I sat on the ground shivering and paralyzed, and had no strength to stand up.

There was a buzzing sound in my ears. A group of people gathered around me. The adults told me about my dangerous behavior, while the children asked me if I was in trouble.

I looked around in a daze, looking for the shape of Sheng min gull in the crowd.

Suddenly, a warm back, a coat with body temperature put on my shoulder, see that the familiar dress, I suddenly turned back, Sheng min gull also just raised his eyes to look at me.

For a moment, the tense mood suddenly got out of control, and I couldn't bear it any longer. I threw myself into his arms and hugged his waist and began to cry.

"Brother It scared me to death... " I kept calling him, telling me my fears.His body was stiff for a long time, until the thin T-shirt was completely wet by me, then he stretched out a hand and slowly pressed it on my back.

"It's OK."

I once doubted that when I was born, I saw Sheng min gull for the first time, and there was a natural chick plot, so I would follow him all day, otherwise it would be hard to explain my attachment to him from childhood to adulthood.

At the end of the recollection, the two children were holding water guns and kept watering in the middle of the pool.

After I finished smoking a cigarette, I planned to go back. I turned around and didn't take two steps. Suddenly, the sound of heavy objects falling into the water came from behind, accompanied by the sharp screams of children.

What do I say? It's just that the homework is too little.

With my eyes closed, I quickly turned and ran to the pool. There was only one of the two children standing by the pool.

Many people, like me, heard the news and rushed to this side. Others witnessed the whole process of the incident from a distance.

"A child fell down, didn't stand firmly, slipped..."

"Quick, quick, help!"

I don't know if the water is frozen or scared. I'm going to sink. The one on the bank is at a loss. I kneel by the pool and cry.

I didn't dare to stay for a moment. I only had time to throw my mobile phone on the grass and the whole person jumped into the water.

The cold and piercing pool water through the clothing layer by layer, entangled my hands and feet, wrapped my whole body, frozen my teeth are shivering.

I grabbed the boy by the back collar of his clothes and dragged him to the shore. He's been struggling like a cat with hair. Fortunately, the place where he fell was not far from the shore, just more than one meter away. Otherwise, with the intensity of his struggle, it would be hard to save him.

People on the bank reached out to help, pulled the child up, and then came to pull me.

On hearing the news, the hospital staff came to cover me and the bear child with two white sheets.

Soon, a pair of flustered men and women came in a hurry, still wearing the uniform of a hospital cleaner.

"Why are you so worried We should be scared to death

"I told you not to play with water, not to play with water, something happened?"

Passers-by began to describe the thrilling scene vividly just now, pointing to me and saying that if it wasn't for this kind-hearted man, their sons would not know what to do. Afraid and ashamed, the couple bowed to me.

I waved my hand: "it's OK. It's easy." Wrapped in a sheet, I couldn't help shivering, "I've been helpful since I was a child."

The hospital staff saw that my face was blue with cold, so they asked me to go into the building to warm up and take a hot bath. Then they found me a clean medical suit to change it, so as not to catch a cold.

On the way to the hospital building, a person rushed to the front door of the hospital building. He was the nurse who had been caring for my mother.

A sudden jump in the heart gives rise to a bad premonition.

Sure enough, the nurse came to me panting and shouting: "Mr. Lu, Mr. Lin is awake, you You go back. " Holding her knee, she said intermittently, "when you are awake, you can still speak. You have been called by your name."

I was stunned, then suddenly reflected the deep meaning of the other side's words.

Before the soul is about to leave * *, the last bit of energy will burst out, which is the afterglow of life. And more people like to call it "afterglow".

Stagger forward a few steps, and finally run up, the wind blowing across the ear, cheek both sides as if cut by a knife as faint pain.

I used the fastest speed in my life to run to the ward, and in the middle of the way, I felt that the sheets were in the way, so I simply rolled them up and threw them aside. The lungs were swollen and painful as if they were about to burst, and my throat was full of strong smell of blood. When I finally ran to the door of the ward, I stopped at once and didn't rush in.

I'm in a bit of a mess now.

He calmed down his breath and wanted to roll up his wet sleeve. When he saw the bandage on his arm, he suddenly remembered that the wound was not good, and it would take a few days to remove the thread.

I tut sound, had to put down that side of the sleeve, and had a haircut, which carefully entered the door.

The nurse raised the pillow, and my mother squinted out of the window and heard the movement looking at me.

"Back?" She didn't seem to notice my abnormality and reached out to me, "come on, let mom see you."

I was dripping water all the way from the door to her bed.

The heating was on in the ward, which gradually raised my temperature, but I still felt cold.

"What do you think, mom?" I took her hand and found that it was not warmer than me, and my heart was more and more miserable.

"It's good. I don't feel so energetic some days. Why are your hands so cold? " She put her hands around my palms and rubbed them up and down, trying to keep me warm.

When I was a child, these hands once held me, held me, fed me to eat, dressed me for me, and did everything my mother should do. Now they are thin and withered, like a branch that is about to break at random. Even my hand can't be wrapped up.

"I just went outside and swayed around."

"It's a cold day. What can I do outside?" She angrily patted me on the back of my hand, and then she began to smile bitterly, "ah Feng, my mother may have to break her promise. Fortunately, it's two days ahead of schedule, so you can't have a good new year's Eve. ""Mom..." My throat is dry, and the strong smell of blood from running seems to have not gone.

"It's my only regret that I can't see you get married. Lu Feng, you promise me that you will get married. " As if afraid I didn't hear, she repeated, "get married."

When my Adam's apple rolled, I said with a dry smile, "find the right person, I will."

I say so, but I know clearly that I can't find it.

Hearing my ambiguous answer, my mother's tone was fierce without warning: "no! You promise me, you swear You are bound to get married. " She tightened her hands, strength is not like a dying patient, "Lu Feng, this is my mother's last wish."

“…… Mom

I don't understand why she is so obstinate about my marriage and regards it as her only wish before she dies. It's just like It's like knowing I'm not going to get married.

But why would she know?

The idea was so frightening that my blood would freeze for a moment, and what she said next was a sad response to my guess.

"You promise me that you will get married..." As she said these words, her eyes widened to the point of horror, "never again No more Sheng min gull

Sheng min gull these three words simply let me five thunder.

She did.

She had discovered her love for her elder brother, who could not be publicized in her mouth.

For a moment, I felt as if I were standing in a pool of bottomless mud. With every breath of air, the deadly black mud would be more diffuse over my body. They climb up my chest, drown my neck, cover my mouth and nose, and bring slow and painful death.

I want to scream, want to escape, but was bound by black mud hands and feet, can only in situ despair to see their own body bit by bit swallowed, dissolved.

I tried to open my mouth and found that I could only utter hoarse and smelly fuzzy syllables. There was a piece of red iron that choked my throat and burned my vocal cords, so that I could no longer speak as I wanted.

As if I was walking on a narrow single wooden bridge, the abyss was on the left and right, and the front and back were collapsing.

It's all death.