Episode 72 – I Shouldn’t Speak Ill of Those Girls

The next day, I went to school alone.

My step sister was already at school, but it was kind of hard to see her face.

That’s right…..

I’m sure it’s awkward because of yesterday.

Yesterday, I gave all three of them an answer except for Idol sama. 

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“What do you think, Kawabe kun?”

Idol sama asked me for an answer to the conversation among the three of them.

I listened to her words silently.

My step sister who hated me, my childhood friend who gave me an unreasonable lecture, and the gyaru who verbally abused me just because of my appearance……

Even if those three people told me they liked me…..it honestly wouldn’t affect me. Even if it was my fault, considering how these girls treated me…..they couldn’t be more than an acquaintance.

” ……I’m happy that the 3 of you feel that way, but it troubled me.”

The expression of the three of them changes at my words except for Idol sama.

“……Why?”

My step sister asked me with a sad expression on her face.

The other two were also silent, waiting for me to say something.

“If someone who hated me suddenly told me they liked me, wouldn’t it make me confused?”

[[[ ! ! ]]]

The three of them, except Idol sama, were at a loss for words.

“…..What do you mean?”

My step sister fearfully asked me about my expression.

“Isn’t it obvious? I always thought that you guys hated me. Sora, how did you see me at first?”

“T-that’s ……”

My step sister looked away somewhat awkwardly at my words.

“And what about you, Miuchi san. I only use my strength to save my step sister. I know it’s not the right thing to do. But it’s…..painful for me to be blamed for wanting to protect my family.

“……! !”

“Just as you have your justice, I have mine. To deny it because it’s different from yours is wrong and I don’t like someone like that ! !”

“…………”

I blamed my childhood friend with a harsh tone.

My one-sided statement kept my childhood friend silent.

“The same goes for you, Risa. You used to curse  me until you found out I was Rikku.”

I feel myself getting riled up in an unexpected place. My words are terrifying today….

I hate myself for being ugly enough to expose my inner thoughts to people who told me they liked me. However, I couldn’t help but to say it, considering what I’ve been through until now.

“I don’t think of myself as a person who is liked by someone, and I don’t blame them if they don’t like me. But do you really think I’d like someone who completely rejected me like that?”

When I told the gyaru, she shook her head, wondering if there was some kind of guilt inside her.

“You guys are telling me that you like me. However, I haven’t changed. the only thing that changed was that i had a haircut.”

The girls fell silent when I said that.

I have nothing more to say.

I don’t like these girls…….It doesn’t make me very happy to fall in love with these girls who, one day, put their own subjective opinions on the line and turn their hands upside down.

But even so, I am sure that there is a part of me that wants to connect with them somewhere, even though I pretend to be oblivious to their affection.

My step sister, my childhood friend, Idol sama, and the gyaru…..

I can’t believe that at least in high school I was liked by these girls who were considered beautiful girls.

If I miss today’s chance, I will be single for the rest of my life.

But I don’t want to go out with any of those girls who hated me selfishly.

That’s why I’m throwing my thoughts like this now. If they want to leave, just leave…..

“That’s why, I can’t accept your feelings……”

……Hahaha, why am i saying something high and mighty.

As I was mocking myself for saying the opposite I really meant, the table rattles.

They were sitting around me with expressions like a person who just woke up, but my childhood friend who was sitting on the aisle stood up with a gloomy expression.

As she stood up and turned over, her hair fell from her shoulders toward her face, hiding her expression. But her mouth that was peeking out from that hidden face was biting its lip.

“….Miuchi san?”

Surprised by the sound from the table, Idol sama raised her face and called out to my childhood friend.

Then, my childhood friend left from her seat without reacting to Idol sama’s voice.

“M-miuchi san ! !”

Seeing this, Idol sama chased after her.

I also followed the two of them running away with my eyes. I felt a little guilty for making my childhood friend cry because of me.

I should be the one to go after them, but that’s not possible. There are two girls in front of me that I’ve hurt.

I can’t choose anyone right now……

For a while we sat in silence in a box seat at the food court. Since both of them didn’t raise their faces, other customers passed by our seats.

The way they looked at me was like looking at a bad guy who makes two girls cry, and to be honest, it’s painful …….

Perhaps sensing the atmosphere, the gyaru stood up quietly.

“Well my bad……. Someone that you hated was saying something like that yesterday…..”

“No……! !”

I stood up and tried to make excuses to the gyaru who expressed her remorse, but she didn’t listen and quietly walked away.

The only ones left in the place are me and my step sister……

My parents will be home soon, but it’s pretty awkward. It’s still just the two of us at home…….

But we can’t just stay here.

“….Shall we go home?”

I hesitated to call out to my step sister, who was looking on the ground, but I can’t leave without her, so I called out to her.

Then my step sister quietly nodded as she stood up and left her seat.  I walk five steps behind as if to follow her.

I don’t know what to say to my step sister, who’s in a different mood than when we first came here.

We just walked in silence together until we reached home. Then, when we got home, each of us went back to our own room.

When my step sister opened the door to her room, she said a small word [I’m sorry…..] and went into her room.

I saw my step sister off, and I returned back to my room and dived into my bed.

…No. I didn’t mean to say that.

It’s not like I don’t regret what I said. But the words that came out of my mouth will never……return.

Regret ……never comes first.

That night…..I was exhausted and regretful of what had happened today that I had no appetite, and before I knew it, I went straight to bed and fell asleep.