My Psychotic Ghost Girlfriend

I examined the lock closer and found there was actually something wedged in it that was preventing the locking mechanism from lowering. I pinched and pulled at it to try to dislodge the strange white silky soft bundle of unknown mass. When I pulled enough of it out to verify what it was, I realized it was a lock of wavy white hair.

How in the…?

I blinked once and when reopened my eyes I was left further confused. Was I just seeing things? There wasn't any hair between my fingers after all, there was only air to be found in place of what I thought to be a lock of wavy white hair.

Do I have some weird hair fetish I'm unaware of that causes me to see illusory locks of hair in unexpected places? First it was the camcorder and now it's my car door locks? Are these some sentient almighty locks of hair that can travel through parallel dimensions just to play mind games with me? How much free time do sentient locks of hair have?

I should write a novel about the misadventures of the time someone reincarnated as a lock of hair who wielded the power to manipulate the space time continuum. Random garbage like that seems to hit it big these days anyways, so why not?

Haha, well… that's enough jokes out of the guy trying to escape reality. Aren't I seriously boned right now? Ghosts can't really exist, right? Is my boss a ghost? Is she maybe, possessed by the ghost girl from my dream? Okay, okay, I must be absolutely crazy to even consider that. But if on the off chance that ghosts really did exist, and she were possessed, that would explain the large gap in her personality at times, wouldn't it?

No, get your shit together, I'm sure there's some sort of logical explanation behind everything and I'm just overthinking things.

After I spent an unknown duration fumbling about in my head trying to calm my stray wandering thoughts, I left the car and confirmed all the doors were locked properly before making my way into the office.

When I entered the building, my boss stood there, looking at her watch and jotting something down onto a notepad.

"Fifteen minutes late altogether, you really are an irresponsible employee."

"Can't you cut me some slack?"

"Well, if you work an extra hour for free I might consider it."

"Aren't you a bit too evil for a boss?"

"Take it or leave it."

"How about fifteen minutes instead?"

"Now it'll be two hours."

"What? Why'd it increase?"

"Every minute wasted after the fifteenth minute will add an additional hour to the length of time. Tic, toc. The clocks ticking, make your decision."

"This is definitely a violation of some sort of labor laws."

"Now it will be two hours and you'll have to take me out for a meal."

"No way."

"Are those your final words before you hand in your resignation letter?"

I opened my mouth wanting to retort, but her eyes told me she wasn't kidding.

"Fine. It would be my p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e to do two hours of free labor for a boss as forgiving as you."

Job hunting is a pain and I'd rather avoid that.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Hmm… so I take it you're resigning then?"

"Fine. Fine. I get it. I get it! I'll treat my cheapskate… I mean, frugal boss to a meal."

"Good. An employee should know when to be thankful for their boss who put in so much effort to cover for them."

"Cover? You covered for me? How?"

"Of course I did. I was kind enough to explain to the cops that Rick had always been madly in love with me; but when he discovered a certain coworker he looked up to was in a relationship with the woman he loved, it must have been too much for his fragile heart to bear with. That was likely what led him to committing suicide in your room. He couldn't bring himself to get violent with you, but he wanted to cause a bit of trouble for you for taking away the one he'd been madly in love with."

Huh? Did I just hear a completely outrageous scandal?

Skeptically I asked, "just for confirmation, Rick was madly in love with you?"

"Yes. He'd even proposed to me a few times. Of course I shot him down every time."

"Then the certain coworker he looked up to is?"

"You."

"..."

"Sorry, I think my ears aren't working properly. I feel like I'm hearing an absolutely nonsensical, made up, poorly constructed third rate drama right now."

"It's the truth though."

"Since when was I ever in a relationship with you?"

"We are in one. An employee-boss relationship."

"What did you specifically tell the cops?"

"I just told them Rick discovered I was in a relationship with you."

"WHAT?!"

"They never asked what type of relationship."

"Isn't giving misleading statements like that a crime?!"

"Shh. Quiet down you idiot, or I'll really fire you. Are you trying to cause a scene and ruin the image of a boss I've built up in all my employees eyes after everything I've done for you? Are you that much of an ingrate?"

"If the cops knew the context of your words, everything would easily fall apart."

"Well then, take me out for a meal so they don't take it out of context then."

"Aren't you too devious."

"A free meal is a free meal Mr. Genovese."

"Isn't this basically blackmailing your employee to treat you? Aren't you loaded? Why do you feel the need to senselessly extort a meal out of some random small time employee like me?"

In response, she tilted her head to the side a bit, a small cheeky grin creeped up onto her face as she said, "I find you slightly interesting is all, maybe a bit cute even."

Don't fall for it. Definitely do not fall for such an obvious trap. Shit. The fact that I found her to be really attractive just now was just plain weird. She's my boss. I swear, I won't be deceived. Everything she says, on the surface, makes me want to believe she's not a complete psychopath, and instead, she's just a bit of a tease. Unfortunately, my past experience screams to always doubt attractive women. Any woman who is too good to be true has always turned out to have extreme baggage. The more attractive a woman, the more crazy they tend to be. The more beautiful something appears to be on the surface, the more disgusting the things you'll find when you dig deeper into it.