My Psychotic Ghost Girlfriend

I mustn't let my mind be controlled by my lower body's d.e.s.i.r.e to procreate and spread my genes. Just as how certain female spiders kill off male spiders that come to mate for an easy meal, I must be cautious to avoid such a fate falling upon me.

"Sorry, I'm not interested in you in that way at all boss."

When she heard my decision she giggled then said, "I'm glad you feel that way. That's one of the things that I like the most about you."

"I don't think that's something you should like though..."

She completely ignored my attempts to keep my distance, "I'll be looking forward to your treat after work."

I definitely needed to find a way out of this, I really didn't want to get involved with more crazy chicks. What if I feign illness, would that work?

"Hey boss, I'm not really feeling too well, my stomach's killing me right now. I don't think I'll be able to treat you to that meal today."

"Hmm? I have some stomach medicine. Here, take it."

"Why do you carry that around with you?"

"In case the person I'm asking to treat me to a meal decides to feign having a stomach ache."

"Haha. I'm allergic to this type of medicine though. I don't think I can use it."

"Oh, I also have a few other types as well. Surely you're not allergic to all of them, right? But now that I think about it, it's strange though. You didn't ever mention you had any allergies when we hired you."

"Oh, I didn't? That's weird, it must have slipped my mind at the time." I wanted to cry. Of course I didn't have any allergies. Just take the hint and let me off the hook already!

"I can maybe accept that you have one medication for stomach ailments on hand, but why do you have so many different kinds on you at all times?! Are you trying to cure the entire world of acid reflux?"

"Of course the answer is pretty obvious Mr. Genovese. It's for bad men who like to act like they're allergic to the first stomach medicine I take out so they can avoid treating me to a meal."

"Oh? That's an oddly specific situation. It would be surprising if such a situation ever happened to my beautiful boss with no rival under the nine heavens."

"Now enough bullshit Mr. Genovese, treat me to a meal or lose your job. Which will it be?"

"This is definitely against labor laws."

"Mr. Genoves, is there some reason why you are so reluctant to treat your boss to a meal? Could it be that you fear you won't be able to hold yourself back and you are actually afraid you will assault me? Don't worry about that, I have a taser, so it's safe even if you tried."

She's starting to sound more and more like the type of women I've had the misfortune to date.

"You're really not a psychopath who's out to get me, right?"

"Haha. You think too highly of yourself Mr. Genovese. I just like mooching free meals off of my employees."

"Should you really be admitting that so blatantly?"

"Just because I have the money doesn't mean I can't be a thrifty or frugal woman, right?"

"What if I'm broke and can't afford to treat you?"

"I'll take it out of your paycheck so don't worry. Feel free to treat me to the most expensive thing you can think of."

"I never knew a woman could be so shameless."

"Oh, but I guess you're right, I should be a bit more considerate. Your paycheck is already looking a bit low this month after all the deductions. Oh well, it won't affect things too much if we tap into the paycheck after that, right?"

"Can you please stop docking my pay as you please? How am I supposed to maintain my livelihood?"

"Why don't you just find and marry a rich girl?"

"Hah? And where am I supposed to find something convenient like that?"

"Oh. Good point. I'm not really sure where you would find one either."

She's definitely just making fun of me and playing around with my fragile glass like heart; yet, for some reason I couldn't help but want to laugh. It had been a while since I was able to joke around like this with someone. I somehow felt a bit relieved despite my suspicions towards her.

"Haaah. Fine, I give. I give in boss. How about all you can eat from the dollar menu at McDonalds?"

"Eh? Isn't that a bit on the cheap end?"

"Is it?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with you? Don't you know how to treat a lady to a good meal?"

"Then what do you want?"

"Well... I have these buy one get one free coupons for McDonald's... how about some fine dining with the more expensive burgers?"

Pfft. Who is this god tier wife character?

"I-i-if you don't want to that's fine. It's not like I'm too embarrassed to go buy burgers there by myself or anything. It's also not like I've never eaten there because I was too embarrassed either, okay?"

"You've never eaten there before?"

"I said I have."

"You really don't seem like the type who'd eat there though. Could it be since the beginning your goal was getting someone to go to McDonalds with you?"

"Mr. Genovese, if you dig any deeper, your paycheck will definitely have seen better days. But if you must know, my family wouldn't exactly sit quiet and let me eat commoner food like McDonalds when I was a child."

"Oh. I see. So are you just a rich pampered girl who had a fight with your parents and took up the CEO position at one of their smaller businesses?"

"Haha. Hey, Mr. Genovese, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The sound of your paycheck decreasing. You do realize I'm your boss, right?... Right? RIGHT?"

"Please forgive this impudent employee for spouting rubbish with his loose mouth. Please don't take it out on his paycheck, his paycheck is innocent in itself and doesn't deserve such harsh unjust treatment."

"I'll let it slide this once Mr. Genovese; however, you will be accompanying me to McDonalds after work. No excuses."

She turned away and completely ignored anything I had to say after that. I was left all alone, still a bit dumbfounded by the sequence of events that had just transpired.