Not Far Not Close

When We Meet Again

Thought love because the beauty that you gave

Surprise me and make me happy

I have a lifetime of scenery

Faith intervened too sudden

I don’t have the time to gave it all back

It’s been a long distance since then…

Jiang Meiqi

It’s raining on the day before the school start , and the long-lost campus seemed fresh and empty. Ye Xixi hold my shoulder at the class door and said, “ Tianyi, am I skinny or not? “

I turned my head, and saw her wearing long sleeved and lady-like clothes, eye-catching red, and squeezed her eyebrows in front of me strike a pose like POSE model.

“ Very skinny, just like your name. Thin as a bamboo “ I said.

(note: Xi 细 in the name Xixi means thin)

She laughed said “ I swam the whole holiday, not to be skinny is a loss”.

I blinked, “ This should be asked to your Yu Feng, my words doesn’t count “.

Speak of the devil, Yu Feng stood on the side asked, “ What it is should be asked to me? “

Me and Ye Xixi look each other and smiled, and then I said, “ You should interrogate Ye Xixi, I’ll go first, I will not bother”

Yu Feng turned his head and said to me, “ Tianyi, come here first, I have something to tell you “.

“What is it that you can’t say in front of me?” Ye Xixi pouted.

“ See how nervous you are, what else could it be!” I hurriedly said, “ Yu Feng, if there’s anything, you need to say it in front of Ye Xixi, so that later she wouldn’t peel my skin!”

Yu Feng’s face looked embarrassed. Looked at him who wanted to stop talking, I pretend to be relaxed and said, “ If there’s nothing then I’ll back to classroom!” Ye Xixi pulled me, but I pretend not to feel it and enter the classroom without looking back.

Ye Xixi and I have been classmates since elementary school, and our relationship is not bad. Yu Feng and Bowen are best friends, and the four of us used to play together when Bowen still here. But everything has changed since Bowen left, and there’s a lot of time I prefer to be alone, I don’t want anyone be with me because of symphaty. In other words, I slowly like the feeling of being alone.

Borrow Ye Xixi’s words “ Narcissism is a bit incurable “.

No matter what she said about me, I always smiled at her with good temper, this single-celled happy girl is passionated, and her view of love very different with mine. She liked Yu Feng wholeheartedly, never care about the pain and not talking about upcoming pain. She laughed all days and nights, thinking all days and all nights how to be more pretty, love become an exquisite condiment in busy studies, make people envious.

That’s way , I never tell her that Yu Feng wrote me letters.

Actually, two months after Bowen left, Yu Feng’s letters appeared at my mailbox, and he always sent one every week. Yu Feng’s literary is much better than Bowen’s, at least Bowen never wrote me ‘emotional’ letter, such as; “ The loneliness on your face is glorious, always make my heart ache and worry, I hope to see your smile, can’t help to hope that I can give you warm…”, another example ; “ I’d like to tell you, that a boy’s thought can always placed in the bottom of the heart, but God knows, I wish I had a reason to make you happy and brave…” there’s another example, : “Sometimes I will feel guilty, this letter will bring you happiness or distress, I really can’t be sure ah. Just want to say to you : be happy, Tianyi, your smile very important to me…”

Maybe not many girls can resist these extremely lethal sentences, but Bowen has disappointed me so much, that I have no choice but turn to ice that refuses to melt. Although I like to read Yu Feng’s letter, but I never gave him reply, fortunately at school, Yu Feng never mentioned about those feelings in the letters, anyway, there’s Ye Xixi between us, her feeling towards Yu Feng are known by everyone, which made me more or less have sense of security. Although to Ye Xixi, this may be a bit unfair.

But as long as Yu Feng don’t say, I don’t say, until graduation, I believe that everything will pass quietly.

I sat down in my seat, don’t know whose cleaning the classroom this morning, there were still bit water stains. The small words that hadn’t been seen for a long a time became unusually clear and glaring. I hurriedly covered it with my homework notebook.

Today there were no class, only report and start-up meeting. Homeclass teacher Old Ding’s face had a sorrow feeling. There’s kind of indignation hidden in the tone “ this year if you don’t work hard, you will be embarrassed”

She spoke excitedly, both hands waving, unable to hold herself.

Everyone laughing downstage.

She slapped the table said “ Laugh, laugh, laugh, who’s laugh until the end is the hero! Next year this time we’ll know!”

It was a topic we didn’t like, so no one laughed. The classroom looked very solemn. Old Ding’s gazes swept over the student like a scanner, and finally landed on me, she said : “ Xia Tianyi, come to my office later!”

Ye xixi behind me said, “ Yo, good things for you on first day of school”

But my sixth sense told me it wasn’t a good things.

After receiving the books, I went to the office building and knocked Old Ding’s door, she politely beckoned me to sit. And then said, “ Your grade last semester aren’t good “.

I kept my head down, waiting for her to continue.

“ You know it too, “ she said, “ Our class is top class, this time there are already three students eliminated to the second class, if you did not win two essay competition awards last semester, this time the one who will be eliminated is you.”

“ Oh?” I say.

“ With all due respect, I feel that your state in second year is not right.” Old Ding said, “ In this very last year, it is very dangerous if you do not adjust in time, about this matter, it seems that I still have to talk to your parents.”

“ Don’t “ I quickly said, “ I adjusted it “.

“ Good, then. “ Old Ding said, “ You are a smart person, no need for me talk too much, let’s see your performance ?”

“ Okay !… Then, “ I stood up, “ If there isn’t anything else, I’ll go first.”

“ Wait, “ Old Ding said, “ When I want to invite your uncle to dinner, you invited him for me?”

Old Ding’s son worked under my uncle, and I understand these are her real intention. This sinister Old Ding, although my grades are not very good, but it would not fall into the second class, but her son was bad, if I hadn’t been in Old Ding class, my uncle would fire him a long time ago. It seem that this time he commit something wrong again, Old Ding scares me like this just because she want me or my parent speak nice for her. I mumbling said, “ No need for dinner, my uncle very busy, if you have business just call him, he will help if he can help”

“ Just because I can’t call him that’s way I invited him to dinner. I’ve made many phone calls to his handphone but it’s turn off, you help me find him, or I ask your mother to find him for me?”

“ No need!” I hurriedly said, “ I help you !”

“That’s good.” Old Ding pretend to open her lesson plans and said “ Work harder in the new semester ! Your grades are still promising to enter a major university.”

“ Thankyou, Teacher “ I thanked her, sullenly walked out from office building, and found out Yu Feng standing in the door. Seeing me , he said ,” Tianyi, I really have something looking you “.

Heh , everyone is looking for me.

“ What’s the matter?” I asked him.

“ It’s about Bowen “ he said.

“ Don’t want to hear,” I hurriedly said, kicking a small stone in front.

“ But you need to know, “ Yu Feng said, “ I just don’t believe you don’t care about him a bit “

“ What this have to do with you? “ I walked toward the bike port, “ Sorry, I want to go home.”

“ Tianyi!” Yu Feng chased, “ Bowen is back!”

I frozed.

“ You need to meet him, “ Yu Feng said,” He’s in the hospital,”

I turned my head, Yu Feng repeat again, “ Bowen is in the hospital, he wanted to meet you”

“Why is he in the hospital? “ I suspicious.

“ Leukemia, last stage.”

“ Yu Feng” I shouted ,” I don’t appreciate your pranks at all, not only it’s not funny, it’s boring, you know?”

He looked at me, his face paled. Can not say a word.

But I saw a paler version of myself in his eyes, and I hurriedly walk towards the bike port. I was very hungry, I hope I can eat at home right away, I hope I hadn’t heard anything, but it was imposibble. As I walked and walked, I can not help to stop, I feel that Yu Feng come behind me again.

I don’t even turn my head when I said, “ If you lie to me, I’ll kill you “

“ Let’s go “ Yu Feng said, “ I’ll bring you “

Riding all the way to the hospital, the smell inside made me dizzy, but strangely my stomach not hungry. The elevator was crowded and we climbed the spiral staircase to the ICU on the ninth floor. I really cannot climbed anymore when we reach sixth floor, and I was gasping for breath with my head down. Yu Feng stopped to wait for me, and at three steps above me, he turned his head asked me, “ Those letters,… have you seen it all? “

I laughed sarcastically and said, “ If I were you I would embarrassed to mention those letters at this time “

“ Letters, it’s written by Bowen” Yu Feng said, “ I just gave it to you every week for him “

I shocked that I couldn’t speak.

“ Actually, when first arrived at England, found out about this disease. At that time thought that it could be cured, so he hide it from you”

“ What ‘ at that time thought’ supposed to mean?”

Yu Feng stopped talking. I looked at him, lifted my legs, and climbed up to the ninth floor at galloping speed.

I push open the ward, and didn’t see Bowen. the patient lying is a bald head, his face very ugly, and he closed his eyes. As I was looking around, Yu Feng spoke from behind me and he said, “ Bowen, Tianyi come to see you “

My sight back to the patient again. The man open his eyes, the look I was familiar with, the look that I always remember never forgotten, the look that made me feel stroke by five thunderbolts, I almost used all my strength to stand up, but the tears had already fallen down unexpectedly.

“ Tianyi, don’t cry ah “ Bowen wanted to sit up from the bed but he couldn’t, it was Yu Feng hold him in time. I looked at him through a flood of tears, and convinced that this was really Bowen, my dear Bowen. To feel a bit more real, I reached out to touch his face, he grabbed me, and pressed my hand to his cold cheek. And then he said, “ Tianyi, sorry. Sorry, Tianyi, I really want to see you “

I can not sound a word.

Yu Feng interjected, “ You guys don’t be like this, it will get better, now medicine is so well developed, don’t be afraid.”

“Actually how is Bowen’s illness?” Yu Feng asked on my behalf.

Bowen’s older sister cousin shook her head and said, “ If there is a way, there is no need to take him back to China, but no, his mother are worried until sick. What a good child ah, the family’s greatest hope…”

Older sister cousin couldn’t say anything more and looked straight to the wall.

“ I want to stay with him, “ I said to them, “ I must stay wih him “.

Older sister cousin and Yu Feng talked to the nurse for long time, very difficult to get nurse’s consent, on the condition that I couldn’t talk to the patient, moreover affect his rest time. I nodded in agreement.

That afternoon I stay at the hospital with Bowen. I didn’t dare talk too much, actually I really couldn’t talk to him. He held my hand, kept falling asleep. Occasionally woke up, hold my hand tighter, and sleep again. I had never shed so many tears in my life, it came and went slowly, wetting a patch in the hospital bed. As I silently weeping, I recalled those letters that Yu Feng sent to my mailbox, I can’t believe those composition that make my teeth sour are written by Bowen. I really regretted blindly hate and try to forget him.

The ward gradually darkened, and the whole afternoon was like a dim and desperate dream. If it weren’t older sister cousin chased me out, I wouldn’t have left. Absentmindedly go back home, it was almost 8 o’clock. Mother was anxious like ant on the hot pot. Seeing me, asked me with anxious and shrill voice, “ Where did you go, why didn’t you call when you came back so late?! Your dad went out to look for you until now he haven’t come back yet, you want worried me to death do you? “

“ Hospital “ I collapsed and didn’t want to say a word.

“ What’s wrong with you? “ Maybe mother frightened by my look, hold me and said, “ Where are you feel uncomfortable? Why don’t you let us go with you? “

I pushed her away and said, “ Not me, it’s Bowen”

“ Bowen? What’s wrong with him?”

“ He’s back, leukemia.” I fell to the couch. “ They said he’s got leukemia “.

“ That kid, his grade are quite good, so unfortunate “

Mother doesn’t know about Bowen and me, she only know Bowen’s grade are good. So she immediately bypassed this topic and said to me with straight face, “ I just called Teacher Ding’s house, and she talked to you today , right?”

“Right.” I said, “ Maybe her son got into trouble again”.

“ Let’s not talk about her son first”. Mother said. “ Talk about you first, Teacher Ding said your study last year not quite right, what is actually going on?”

“ Nonsense!”

“I just realized today that your grade only ranked thirty or so,” Mother said, “ Used to be too assured about you, just look at the total score and not force you, you read and write novel because it’s your hobby, we didn’t care too much about you. But from today on you cannot be so free and loose anymore, I will asked a home tutor every night to make up your study, after school you’ll have to hurry back home, I’ll keep all the novels.”

“Not in the time being “ I said.

“What are you need to do? “ Mother asked.

“ I need to go the hospital after school “.

“ What are you going to do in the hospital? “

“Accompanying Bowen “.

“Why you need to accompanying him? Are their families all dead?” When my mother talk unreasonable she would say anything harsh. I really don’t understand, a person is dying, but she still say unreasonable things indiferrently. I didn’t bother to pay attention to her, and carry my bag enter my own room.

She followed behind me shout, “ Something like today can not happen anymore, otherwise you’ll look!”

“ Up to you” I couldn’t hold to say back, “ Whatever you want is up to you,but I tell you, I must go to the hospital, everyday after school!”

“Tell your reason!” Mother shouted angrily, “ You tell your reason why you must go, when your Father home, we will hear it together!”

“Because my boyfriend are dying!” My cries sounds exceeded my mother ‘s shout, “ He’s lying in the hospital, He’s going to die, I want to be with him everyday!”

My mother’s slap fall hard in my face.

The air was silent for several seconds, and I slammed my bag heavily on the ground, pulled open the main door and ran out.

My mother followed me run out, the corridor was very dark, I stumbled coming downstairs, and hid in a panic next to a car parked outside the compound garage. Mother didn’t see me, and ran towards compound’s main door.

I crouched down next to the car, biting my lip, trying hard not to let out crying sound, not letting the tears keep falling down. I just kept squatting there, not even having strength to stand up. Not know when the car already gone, someone passed by my side, called out to me, “ Tianyi, is it you?”

I looked up and saw Ling Xia.

He was leaning down and looked at me curiously, “ Is it really you? I recognize your coat. What happen to you? Why are you squatting here all alone?”

I didn’t know to answered him, he stretched his hand and pulled me said, “ Stand up, did you have a quarrel with your mother?”

“ What are you doing pulling around? “ A very fierce voice sounded, it was Mother who came back, she pulled Ling Xia away and said, “ Who are you? What are you doing here?”

Ling Xia awkwardly point at the top and said, “ I’m your neighbor, I just moved here yesterday.”

“ It’s none of your business here!” Mother pulled me said, “ Let’s go, come home with Mother “. Maybe she frightened by me, I could feel it, she was trying hard to calm her breath.

“ Yeah, go home with your Mother. Unhappy matters will pas the next day “ Ling Xia smiled “ I’ll go up first “

I followed my Mother home.

That night, the house unusually silent, Father came home, they did not blamed me again, they made two phone calls, told me to take a shower and go to bed early, and locked up in their own room. Thinking of Bowen lying in the hospital, my heart messed up, sitting was not right, stand also not right, just at this time, the neighbor’s guitar’ s sound came again, Ling Xia sang a song that I thought was similar, but I guaranteed, he has made some changes to the lyric :

Girl why are you crying

Is there some unsatisfaction in your heart?

Girl why are crying?

You must know that your tears will make me sadder

We first met at a young age

Your smile is the greatest sweetness in the world

The Blue sky knows me, the white cloud understands you

Don’t have to say anything

Just be together like this forever…

I couldn’t help to push open the window, and saw Ling Xia standing on the balcony singing.

He also saw me, and smiled at me through the curtain. Asked me, “ Are your mood getting better?”

I leaning against the window and asking slowly, “ Yesterday night’s song, can you sing it again?”