CHAPTER 8

Not Far Not Close

When the story ends no more longing 

Frustration from loving you left it for time to deal with

You in the pursuit of the vicissitudes of life I turned around in silent

We finally go back to our own worlds

I love you so much but I can only stand in the same place in silence

Like a lost child left behind in the crowd…

I Really Love You” by Lin Huiping

The corridor at dusk.

    I carried a heavy bag of garbage downstairs. I didn’t expect to run into Ling Xia who came up to me.

    Everything was like the lyrics of the song he once said to my uncle, “It’s a small world, and we always meet on narrow roads.”

    “Hi!” He called out to me first.

    “Hi.” I responded.

    He moved out of the way and I passed him with my trash. The moment I brushed past him, he took my arm and said, “It looks too heavy, why don’t I carry it down for you?”

    “It’s okay, it’s okay!” I hurriedly said, “I’m not that fragile.”

“I know.” Ling Xia said, “It’s my pleasure to carry your garbage.”

 “What are you talking about!” His greasy mouth made me produced a hint of inexplicable fear, turned around and ran downstairs quickly, strange, it was really heavy garbage seemed to lose weight all of a sudden and became light.

    When I went upstairs again, Ling Xia was no longer there. I entered the house with a gasp, and when my mother saw me, she said, “I asked you to take out the garbage, why do you look like you ran a 3,000-meter race? You’re already so old and you’re still in a panic!”

    I panicked? No, I didn’t.

    I was just a little surprised by an unexpected encounter.

    Was he not going to sing again tonight? What would he think when he read my poem?

    I stood on the balcony for a long time, but he never appeared, perhaps he had gone out to Silk Street again. There were pale red clouds in the sky, slowly rolling over little by little. I stood with my feet numb and was about to go inside when he suddenly appeared again, his suit had long since been taken off and replaced by a set of casual clothes, tall and handsome with a touch of laziness, causing me to stare at him for some time, not knowing what to say.

He smiled first and asked me, “It’s time for school to start tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah.” I said.

 “I sent you a short message last night.” He said.

My heart fluttered, “Yeah? I didn’t turn it on.”

“Your poem is very well written.” He said.

“I write nonsense, let you laugh.”

“Writing nonsense is so good, I’m going to throw myself on the ground!” He is really good at talking, which I did not find before.

“Can you still show me what you wrote?” He said. “Sure. You give me the mailbox. I’ll send you a long piece I just wrote. It’s still not finished, so I’ll wait for a little advice from you?”

“That’s impressive. You can write a long story? You wait.” He went home, got a pen and paper, wrote down the email address and handed it to me. The paper was so small that our extended hands made inadvertent contact in the air. I hurriedly withdrew my hand, but the paper was already in my hand. The user name of the mailbox was Ken1978, was he born in 1978? So how much older than me ? I was still doing the math, but he had already guessed what I was thinking and laughed: “Is it ten years older than you?”

    “It’s not that much! Don’t be an old man in front of me.” I put the note away carefully and held it in my palm.

    “How dare you in front of a great writer!” He was being slick again.

“Don’t fool me. I’m going in, I’ll send it to you later.” After that, I waved goodbye to him and turned my head and went into the room.

The first thing I did when I entered the room was to turn on my cell phone, which hadn’t been turned on for a long time after the excitement had worn off. Mom said it’s not too late to wait until I go to college. When I opened it, there was a short message from Ling Xia, which read, “I hope your pumpkin wagon is broken, so that you may not be able to run fast enough. Ha ha.”

    This message made my heart beat wildly for more than five minutes.

    I’ve never felt like this before with Bowen!

    I opened my computer and sent mine. His letter came back in two minutes: “I’ll read it carefully. Have a great new semester!”

When I closed the mailbox, Luo Lin pushed in the door and said, “What’s wrong, Tianyi?, why your face so red?”

“It’s the heat, right?” I said, rubbing my face.

“It’s passion, isn’t it?” Luo Lin corrected me, “How enviable oh.”

    “Like you’re so old!” I scolded her.

“I was born in the seventies, you were born in the eighties, we’re totally two different generations.” Luo Lin said, “Sooner or later the world will have to fall into your hands, and we’ll all have to stand aside!”

    I was laughing so hard at her comment. She pointed her hand in the air and said, “No laughing!”

    “That’s inhumane.” I said, ” Even laughing is not allowed.”

    “Nothing is allowed until the exams are over.” Luo Lin’s face was expressionless, and she slapped the test paper and said, “Except for studying, still studying!”

    “Hey, acting as a lobbyist for my mom?”

    “Heh heh.” She laughed, “Take money from people and do it for them. Only when you pass the exam, I shall take it with ease!”

A very cute and honest girl, isn’t she? I asked her, almost mischievously, “Have you ever been in love?”

    “Don’t you tell me you’re in love!” She responded sharply, scaring me into covering her mouth and instructing her to keep her voice down.

“No way, at this moment in time!” She looked at me so worriedly, “Are all people who study literature this emotional?”

“It’s not as serious as you think.” I said, “I just have a crush on someone. Although we don’t know each other well yet, I don’t find him strange at all.”

    “An online relationship?” Luo Lin’s eyes widened, the more she guessed, the more outrageous she became.

    “Haha.” I said, “You’re fit to write, too.”

    “Those little boys, don’t talk about it!” Luo Lin waved her hand: “Just think of it as a game a dream, wake up early, turn back to the shore oh.”

    “Your tone is older than my mother.” I said.

    “Nonsense, I am forever eighteen!” This time it was her turn to laugh. I’m not really worried about her, she’s a bit fat, but there will be boys who like her. The world is like this, beauty is in the eye of beholder, A long love drama never has to worry about no main character.

    The same as I never thought I would meet a person named Ling Xia at the corner of my life.

    I went to bed early that night.

The next morning when I opened my eyes, I realized that last night it had snowed again.

    The snow is not big, it is fine spring snow. The world is white, but this burst of white and is destined to be short-lived, because the early morning is already bright. I stepped on thin warm snow out of the community, did not see Ling Xia, heart somewhat empty.

The arrangement of the first day of school is tense and urgent, each teacher is dragging the class, the Old Ding wasted almost half an hour for self-awareness, which is annoying.

After dealing casually with lunch at noon, Ye Xixi threw the books on my desk to the side, and forced me to play a very boring game of counting the strokes of the name, which is to subtract the strokes of the names of two people, with the resulting number to check your destiny. Push the dense paper in front of me, Ye Xixi excitedly said: ” He and I belong to the ‘there’s fate forever inseparable’ kind, and with you is ‘good friends heart to heart’, it is really too effective, come on try it!”

    “I’ll try again when I find a boyfriend.” I laughed and pushed her away and said, ” Study, study!”

” You”re grade are so good, you”re still studying?” Ye Xixi said, “Next time when Luo Lin is teaching you I also want to go listen, to see what kind of divine she is, actually make up your math too!”

” Sure.” I said.

    “Forget it, just kidding.” Ye Xixi said, “I can’t afford to pay for a tutor.”

    “You don’t need it, do you? What tutor do you need with Yu Feng?” I knew that’s what she wanted to hear.

Ye Xixi complained, “Ai, he does not have the patience to teach me, a problem asked more than one sentence, the eyebrows will rise up!”

“This is called one thing subdues another.” I added oil to the fire.

Ye Xixi jumped up and hit me on the head.

    At this time Yu Feng came in from outside the classroom, walked to me and whispered, “Tianyi, there is someone outside the school looking for you.”

    “Who?” I said.

 “I don’t know.” Yu Feng shook his head, “It was the classmate in the next class who told me.”

    “Oh, then I’ll go out for a while.” I said to Ye Xixi, “Maybe it’s my uncle, who was sent by my mother to deliver something again.”

“Tianyi is so lucky, the big boss also come and go in the wind and rain for you.” The tone of Ye Xixi’s is getting sour.

    I pulled the piece of paper on her desk and left the classroom. When I walked across the playground, I quickly counted the strokes of Ling Xia and I, following the answer found on that piece of paper: both of you are very happy together, but if you want to be lovers, there is a long way to go.

    Lovers? Ha ha.

    In senior year, that’s a vicious and shameful word. Just be happy, isn’t it?

    I thought so, and then I saw him.

    He was standing outside the iron gate of the school, his hands in his trouser pockets, watching me slowly approach with a gentle gaze.

    I stopped for a moment, and then suddenly I didn’t know how to walk. It was hard to reach him and spit out the nonsense: “What brings you here?”

    “I ……” he said with a smile, “I was trying to think of a reason to come here.”

    Exactly the same dialogue as I had that day, I couldn’t help but laugh.

He suddenly reached out and gave my hair a quick rub and said, “It’s still cold in the spring, you should wear more.”

    “Say something a little less corny?” I boldly looked up at him. He smiled happily and said, “I don’t know how to write poetry or writing, where do I get so many nice sentences?”

My face flushed.

    “Finished reading.” He said, “Wanted to come and ask you if the main characters are going to be together?”

    “I don’t know.” I said, ” Not far not close, I guess.”

    “That’s sad.” He said.

“If I’m happy, they can be together too.” I said mischievously, “It’s all up to my pen. There are all kinds of possibilities, don’t you think?”

    “And what would make you happy?” He asked me.

    “I’m happy when you show up out of the blue.” I tell the truth.

“I’ve been reading what you wrote last night,” he said, “and honestly, I can’t believe you wrote it, the writing is almost more sophisticated than a seventy-year-old’s, but you’re only seventeen after all.”

    “You underestimate me.” I said.

    “I don’t dare.” He corrected me, “Just surprised.”

    “It’s my pleasure to surprise you.” This time it’s my turn to set him off on his sentence. He smiles, raising half an eyebrow in surprise, and before he can say anything, I snatch, ” know what you want to say. “

    “What?” He asks.

    “You want to say that there used to be a woman in my life who was as eloquent as you are ……”

    He laughed loudly, causing people passing around to look sideways, and when he finished laughing he said, “Ha ha, I have to go to work. I only have an hour off for lunch.”

    “Bye.” I said.

    “Bye.” He said, then hailed a taxi and left, with only an hour’s break, and he came to see me at school. Watching him walk away, my heart slowly welled up with an overwhelming burst of emotion and heartache.

Ye Xixi slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, isn’t that Ling Xia?”

“You scared the hell out of me.” I turned around and said, “Don’t be so sneaky, okay?”

    “He scared me to death.” Ye Xixi pointed to the front and said, “I looked over from afar and thought it was ……” Here she said, she covered her mouth.

    I know what she wanted to say.

    “I’m sorry.” Ye Xixi said, “It feels really similar.”

    “Shut up.” I scolded her.

    “I’ll shut up.” Ye Xixi said, “Don’t worry, I just pretend not to see anything.”

It is not only Ye Xixi’s imagination, in fact, I was also imagining things, the whole afternoon class, I was distracted, even Old Ding also saw my abnormality, when the class ended deliberately came over to ask me: “Are you not feeling well today?”

    “No.” I hastened to cover up and said, “Maybe I slept late last night.”

 “The body is also important.” Old Ding said, “Go to bed early if you can’t eat.”

“Thank you, Teacher Ding.” I buried my head, hoping she would leave my desk early, I don’t want everyone to see her treating me in this special way, those rumors, although I never cared, but I have long heard enough.

    Again, many days without seeing Ling Xia. I secretly opened the phone, he did not send a short message, I also did not send over. One night as if I heard movement on the balcony over there, I ran out in a hurry, but it turned out to be the wind, blowing over a large towel hung out on the balcony by my mother.

    The study began to become more and more intense, so intense that I did not have time to think about anything else. Finally, on the weekend, I had time to surf the Internet and found a greeting card from him in my mailbox, with few words, just wishing me happy studies. I couldn’t resist taking out my phone and sending him a short message: what song are you singing?

    An hour later I received a message back from him: a new song, wait for you to finish the exam, sing it to you?

A few days later the lyrics of the new song Ling Xia said appeared in my mailbox, the song turned out to be called ” Not Far Not Close”, Ling Xia said in the letter: Tianyi, like your poem very much, so give it with a theme song, also hope you will like.

It’s spring when the love comes

 Your light smile is beautiful

The dream is no longer lonely

When love comes, no one knows why

I’m like a moth drawn to a flame

 I never could resist

The world keeps changing

Today we are together but tomorrow we are apart

 It’s like a relationship that not far not close

Seemingly distant, yet we are close

Only my heart, only my heart

Understand that I will never give up in my life

This beautiful love

This miracle of encounter

My tears flowed down in front of the computer. Every word in Ling Xia’s lyrics, I understood. After crying, I couldn’t help but call his cell phone, he took a long time to answer, and I said, “I’m Tianyi.”

    “I know.” He said.

    “I want to hear you sing that song.”

    “No.” He said decisively.

    “Then when will it be?”

    “Until you finish your exams.” He said.

    “Can you not be so lame?” I begged him.

    “No.” There was no element of negotiation in his tone. I was silent, and it was a long time before he said over there, ” Be good, okay? Don’t make me feel too guilty?”

    “Okay.” I hung up the phone.

In April, spring was already in full bloom. Old Ding called me into his office, handed me a form and said, “The Chinese Department of the Normal University is recruiting guaranteed students, and I recommended you. You can fill out this form.”

    I was shocked to hear that there were very few places for guaranteed students this year. Moreover, my grades were not the best.

    As if reading my mind, Lao Ding said, “With your current grades and achievements in literature, I think you are quite qualified, but of course, if you still want to take a better school, you can give up this opportunity. Go home and discuss it with your mom, dad and uncle?”

    “What’s there to discuss!” My mother jumped up as soon as she heard it, “Who wouldn’t want such a good thing, to end the torment of the college entrance exams early, I no longer have to have sleepless nights!”

    “You calm down.” Father said, “Don’t make things difficult for second brother. Teacher Ding fought for this place for Tianyi, but she also hopes that second brother can give him a corresponding return.”

“You’re afraid of everything,” mother shouted, “Haven’t you suffered enough for that?”

    “You are not afraid of anything, but have you ever thought about others!” I’ve never seen my father so angry. He slammed the table and said, “Give them back the 20,000 yuan you received! Don’t think I don’t know that!”

“That’s the money for Tianyi’s tutor!” Mom turned red and said, “I didn’t ask anyone for it.”

“Tianyi is my daughter, I can afford to pay this money!”

    “You can afford to pay?” Mother sneered, “Fifty dollars an hour, how many times do you get paid enough to make up for it?”

    “Stop arguing, you guys!” Seeing the war spreading, I hastily pulled my father away: “Come on, let’s all calm down!” I really don’t understand, it was a good thing, I don’t know why it made them quarrel like this.

Fortunately, at that moment, Luo Lin came.

Father went out, and mother stopped her anger to make tea for Luo Lin. When Luo Lin saw the form I put on the table, she was surprised and said, “You can be guaranteed a place, right?, congratulation, very good.”

” The eight words haven’t even been written yet.” I said, “I feel very guilty.”

    Luo Lin was smart and immediately guessed that my uncle was the reason, but she still persuaded me, “Isn’t it always your dream to study Chinese, in fact, it’s not bad to study at the Normal University, it’s a good opportunity, I think you should not give up.”

“Maybe my classmates will think I’m not relying on my real skills.”

“When you’re young, you can’t tolerate a grain of sand in your heart and eyes, so there’s actually no need to make things difficult for yourself.” Luo Lin said, “Just like I came to tutor you, many people think I am kissing the general manager’s ass, but I think, as long as your grades really went up, and the general manager gave me more opportunities because of it, I will feel justified.”

    “Thank you.” I said.

” What else are you thankful for?” Luo Lin said, “You could be a writer, and I’ll wait to read your book.”

    I could see that she really didn’t mean to look down on me, and I felt a little better.

    The next morning, I deliberately waited for Ling Xia outside the neighborhood, and he came out on time and on schedule, saw me, ran a few steps, and came to me.

” I have not seen you for many days.” He said.

    “Who told you not to contact me?”

    “I was afraid to disturb your study.” Ling Xia said, “Our band is on TV, a company is preparing to sign us, I’ve been wanting to tell you!”

    “Really!” I said happily, “Then I have good news for you too.”

“Tell me about it?”

“I’m guaranteed to go to the Normal University, so I don’t need to take the exam.”

    Instead of the joy I had expected, Ling Xia’s face asked me in a worried tone, “Are you sure? You could have gotten into a much better school if you had taken the test yourself!”

I felt upset and said unhappily, “I know how good I am!”

    “Upset?” He looked at me and lowered his head and said, “Look at you, your mouth is pouting so high!”

“Annoying!” I said.

    “No girl has called me annoying in two years.” He said, “That makes me feel good.”

” Crazy.”

    “Okay.” He said, ” You’ re going to be late for school. Come on, I’ll give you a ride.”

    “We don’t go the same way.”

” The worst thing is that I’ll be late.” He laughed and walked me to the bus stop before he left, saying, ” Consider about getting guaranteed admission, I always think that with your talent, you can go to a better school.”

    Knowing that his words were sincere, I nodded at him. Only then did he turn around and leave.

I didn’t know if I would disappoint Ling Xia, but I finally decided to accept the guaranteed admission after a lot of careful thought. The day the deal was decided I didn’t have to go to school anymore, but Ye Xixi was staying up late every day, the whole thing like a red-eyed rabbit. She said to me with red eyes like that, “Tianyi, really envy you to death, you are so lucky.”

“Even if you are given a guarantee you will not be willing.” I said, ” Then you’re not going to Shanghai?”

    “Heh heh.” She laughed, “Nowadays, where are all the romantic ideas? It’s already good to get into a decent university.”

    “I wish you success.” I said from the bottom of my heart.

That night mother and father both took the opportunity to relax and went out to play cards. I called Ling Xia’s phone and said to him, “I’ll come to hear you sing tonight.”

    “I’m sorry.” Ling Xia said, “I’m rehearsing, our band is going to participate in the province’s original music party soon.”

    “Where is it, can I come and watch?”

    “No.” Ling Xia said, “The rehearsal is closed.”

“Then ……” I was disappointed, “I haven’t heard you sing that song called ‘Not Far Not Close’ yet.”

    “There’s a long time coming.” He smiled and said, “Next time, okay?”

    With that, he hung up.

I had imagined a romantic evening of listening to songs, but these fantasies were shattered by the ruthless reality. My newly relaxed nerves became messy and fragile, so I plopped down on my desk and cried bitterly.