The Perverted Sage

-an? Zack suddenly stares blankly at the beautiful sight before him. A wide lake with an ancient temple floating above with long vines hanging down as if ladders to the construct.

Breaking out of his daze, Zack starts to look around and finds behind himself a forest that strangely looks as if it all breathes and exhales together.

"I guess I should try to find a town, that temple looks like it has some good treasures but I am as weak as a disabled dog right now... so no thanks" thinks Zack with a bit of regret. He walks to a nearby tree and attempts to climb it, only to find the closest branch is around 2 meters from his head, too far to reach with a jump.

Imagining himself coolly jumping from tree to tree like a skilled martial artist, Zack smiles a bit and starts to look for a tree with a low enough branch.

Finding one after 5 minutes of searching he climbs to the top of the tree and scouts for any clues of civilization other than the massive ancient temple.

In the distance he sees a roof of a house with smoke coming out of the chimney.

"Thank god, I thought I was gonna be stuck here... ugh would've been way too much looking on the wiki...." says Zack with a wry smile.

Jumping down from the tree and landing in a horse stance, he starts to walk towards the building's general direction.

After about half an hour of walking, through the trees he sees a small cottage and an old man cutting some firewood.

Taking loud steps while trying to be as noisy as possible, he walks towards the old man. The old man hearing some rustling sounds behind him turns around quickly and stares into the forest with a wary glint in his eyes.

Holding his hands up in surrender, Zack walks slowly to the man.

"I mean no harm, just lost." says Zack loudly and quickly, legs shaking a bit due to nervousness.

Keeping the wary glint in his eye, the old man closes his eyes as if feeling something. A few seconds later, he opens them with an amiable light and smiles softly towards Zack.

"Haha, no worries young one, I'm just a weak old man wasting my life away." the old man laughed while putting down the axe. Stroking his shaggy beard, the old man stares at Zack and asks "So, what do you need? food? temporary stay? or... could it be... YOU WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER YOU LITTLE C.U.N.T?!" He stares angrily at Zack towards the end.

"Nonono I was just passing by, sorry, I was just wandering while wondering if someone could direct me to the nearest village/city" hurriedly said Zack.

(The hell is with this old man? He's granddaughter is probably not even pretty, I mean look at the pimples on this guy's face, what is that? A mountain range?) Zack thought with a little saltiness at getting accused of something he had no knowledge of.

As if his angry outburst never happened, the old man swiftly switched back to his amiable face and yelled "Oh that's alright then! Just go in that direction and walk for 3 hours!". He points in a direction with a broad smile on his face.

(3 hours?! F.u.c.k.i.n.g hell man, I want to play a VRMMO, not a walking simulator!) thought Zack with his hand twitching a little.

Walking in the direction the old man pointed to, he sighed at his worrisome fate and prepared for the worst. He waved at the old man for a bit while saying his thanks and finally left, slowly disappearing within the seemingly endless trees.

Waving widely at his back, the old man yells "Good luck young man!" before going back to cutting firewood while humming a strange, eerie tune.

---------------

1 hour later

Zack looks at the still bright sky with 2 suns shining at his eyes almost as if to say, get blind biatch. He wipes the little bit of sweat on his forehead and continues walking forward. Strangely, he has encountered no monsters or the like.

5 minutes later, he finds another cottage with another old man, except this time, the old man is relaxing while watching the forest and drinking tea. Looking at the old man and his surroundings for a bit, he warily searches for weapons. Seeing no weapons in plain sight, he sighed with relief.

"Young man, you can come out now, no need to be scared." said a calm, hoarse voice.

Astonished, Zack looks at the old man's face and finds him staring directly at him. A cold chill descends on his back, before deciding not to mess with this man, at all. He walks out of trees while holding his hands up in surrender once again.

(Déjà vu...) thinks Zack, sadness and worry for his future gaming life thick on his face. The old man looks straight into Zack's eyes then beckons him to come closer. Once Zack gets close, the old man pats the wooden rocking chair beside himself. Taking the hint, Zack sits down while getting more nervous.

"Tell me, whats your name? Oh right, my name is Julius, you can call me Old Jul" says the old man with a small smile present on his wrinkly face.

Thinking whether or not he should use his real name or in-game name, he hurriedly throws away those thoughts and says with a bit of a shaking voice "My name is Unknown, Old Ju-"

"Your real name." declares Julius with his ever present small smile, with an almost invisible pressure radiating out of him.

Hands sweating, Zack thought it should be fine to tell Julius his real name, Julius being an isolated NPC and all.

"Zack, my name is Zack..." he says while feeling the heavy pressure suddenly disappearing. He breaths a tiny sigh of relief within his mind. An awkward silence follows with Julius occasionally taking small sips of tea.

Zack breaks the silence, "Uhh, Old J-Jul, I think I have to be on my way now..." he says with a little hesitance.

"Hahaha, It's fine Little Zack, why don't you have some biscuits with this lonely old man before you go?" Julius requested, though it seemed more as if an order than a request.

"Alright then..." replied Zack, taking a biscuit on the tree stump acting as a table, then taking small nibbles, trying to bear the awkward atmosphere. Strangely, Zack feels at peace sitting silently with Julius.

A few minutes of small biting noises and gulps pass by before Julius finally decides to talk again.

"You know, I was quite like you when I was young. Being nervous and somewhat cold around strangers, but a big pervert inside." He declared while his smile and voice grew nostalgic.

Surprised, the young boy takes a glance at the old man as if not believing what he said.

"Don't worry, you don't need to hide it, even I was like that around your age, until I met my master of course." said Julius, trying to comfort Zack.

('Don't worry, you don't need to hide it' huh... other than my friend Erwin, no one has ever said that to me... everyone close to me always tells me I have to be a proper man and not a massive pervert who sits on the bathroom toilet masturbating twice a day... well they don't know about the second part though) thought Zack with a self-mocking smile. He suddenly grows a little courage and straightens his back a bit. He looks at Julius who has an encouraging smile on his face.

Sighing, he says "Yes, I am a pervert, a huge pervert, and I love all beautiful women and wish to hug them all in my arms!" By the time he finished speaking, he was yelling, completely straightened his back and was even puffing his c.h.e.s.t out a bit with pride, unaware of a certain A.I. blushing while watching him...

"Hahaha, thatta boy, we're both men of culture, hahaha!" laughing in his hoarse voice, in Julius' eyes, appeared recognition.