Chapter 42

Dreamy music and dim lighting created quite a synergy effect, marking the night leading up to Saturday. Park Sungjae’s expression as he stood at the corner of the bar through the noisy space, had hardened for a long time and did not know how to unravel.

“…” 

Drunk people were one of the things he hated the most. He did not want to deal with people who had gotten drunk thanks to his place of business’ special drink and he could only count with a hand how many times dealing with them had gone well. 

However, he couldn’t help but worry about how to handle Seo Youngwoo, who was laid down in front of him. The moment he had entered the club, Seo Youngwoo’s face was a pallid color and drooped low in agitation. He had simply ordered a drink and ended up this way.

“Huu.”

Park Sungjae, who was watching Seo Youngwoo’s back rise and fall in breathing at regular intervals, soon sighed deeply and shook at him. 

“Hey, hey. Seo Youngwoo. Youngwoo-yah! Stand up, dumbass.”

Even though he had called his name somewhat loudly, the body lying on his face did not move an inch except when breathing. It looked like he was completely drunk, making Park Sungjae’s forehead frown deeply. No matter how much he thought about it, he had no clear answer on what to do. He would’ve contacted family if it was a regular bar, but being the place it was, he was unsure whether he should call anyone.

“Gosh… This punk…”

Unlike the low words he uttered, he spoke without strength. He felt a sense of deja vu as he suddenly remembered a past moment.

‘What do I do, Sungjae-yah…? I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done that to hyung.’

How he looked, crying like the world had ended, unable to abandon his foolish selfishness at the end…

Why did he have to go so far? So far away that he didn’t know how to come back.

After tapping at the unrecognizably crumpled face, Park Sungjae sighed deeply and checked the time, before picking up Seo Youngwoo’s phone next to his glass. Since he didn’t use a pattern, it was easy for him to move on to the screen he wanted just by tapping a few times. His searching eyes across the contact list stopped completely at a particular name. 

Kang Taejung.

The look in his eyes as he saw the name was not a good one. No matter how he tried to view him in a good light, it was difficult to think of him in a favorable way because he seemed to be the cause of the change in his friend’s smile. Hesitating a few times on what to do, his hand eventually tapped on Kang Taejung’s name. Soon after, an old pop song that he knew well was played through the speaker as a calltune.

– Youngwoo-yah.

The call was answered before the first ring even ended.  Answering the phone quickly had given Kang Taejung a sufficient pass point in Park Sungjae’s good books. He then opened his mouth to speak in a blunt tone. 

“It’s me. Park Sungjae.”

– …

The few times they met, they had never really been friendly with each other and so the uncomfortable atmosphere between them remained. Within the awkward silence, Park Sungjae let out a small cough and began to state why he called.

“Youngwoo got really drunk. He’s not in the right state to go home himself so I called you.” 

– “…Where is he?”

He asked in a curt voice. The sound of music and people conversing combined dizzily.

“At the bar. I wish I could bring him over but as you know it’s peak time on the weekend and I can’t leave my spot.”

– “Did he drink a lot?” 

The question had unhideable concern mixed in it. Park Sungjae smiled, sighing, and lowered his eyes. Still, it had gotten a lot better. In the past, Kang Taejung had been completely indifferent towards Seo Youngwoo.

“He did. He’s almost unconscious, too.”

– “How do I get there?”

“It’s where I work. I’ll send a text with the location.” 

– “Thank you. I’ll leave soon and call you when I arrive. Please take care of Youngwoo till then.”

The call ended after the conversation. Park Sungjae looked down at the darkened screen and put the phone back in Seo Youngwoo’s upper pocket. The smell of alcohol coming out of his wheezing breath was terrible.

Thump!- Thump!- Thump!-

***

‘You should stop.’

‘…’

‘It’s not like he does anything for you in return, why do you keep staying by his side?’ 

‘I still like him, though. I like him so much I’m going crazy. I can’t control my feelings. Before I knew it, I wanted to be around hyung and kept wanting to contact him…’

‘He’s looking for his boyfriend, isn’t he? Don’t you realize you’ll be dropped like a hot dish the moment he comes back? Get yourself together. Staying around someone with a lover will do you no good. It’s not like there’s no one who likes you. Why are you being this way?’

‘Sungjae-yah… Before hyung… you should understand me regardless. At least he now acts like I exist. Someone who used to ignore my calls now answers sometimes and even talks to me first. It made me so happy…’

‘You’re lovesick. Sick in love, for sure.’ 

The sobbing mixed with tears had no longer brought any sympathy. For years already, he hated the foolish appearance of his friend who one-sidedly loved someone who did not look in his direction.

When Seo Youngwoo was 20 years old, he thought it was a crush that would pass by as he sang songs about first love and expressed his worries with a sweet face. After confessing without knowing that the other had a boyfriend, Seo Youngwoo hid his heart and continued to stay around him for years, all because he couldn’t give up on his feelings. His extreme feelings of lingering attachment.

‘Dumbass… Put some ointment on it.’

As he threw the ointment while cursing bluntly, his round eyes curved into a more half-moon shape, his mouth full of good-natured laughter. ‘Thanks,’ With a small murmur, Seo Youngwoo squeezed out some ointment and clumsily applied it to his face. 

‘So why didn’t you just ignore it? Why did you end up in all that trouble and get beaten?’

‘I didn’t get beat. And I said no but he kept coming onto me.’

‘It might turn purple tomorrow.’

‘It’s not that bad, but it’s on my face. I’m thinking about taking a day off.’ 

‘Fuck, the face of someone who works a day job shouldn’t look like this.’

It was a guy who had been flirting with Seo Youngwoo for a long while. He had remained persistent despite the strong rejections from Seo Youngwoo. Park Sungjae had thought he was someone with a strong willpower but turns out he was just trash who couldn’t handle his pride getting hurt and threw a punch…

Despite the guy’s one sided attack, Seo Youngwoo frantically fought back till the end with a vicious grit and Park Sungjae who tried his best to pull them apart after calling the police was left speechless.

‘Don’t you know that all the guys who come here to find someone for the night are swarming in? If you come alone and drink alcohol in their midst for a few days, of course there will be people who will flirt with you. Don’t come here again.’ 

‘You punk, where else can I go aside from here? I don’t have anyone to talk to.’

‘Ugh… You fool.’

‘I admit it. I am a fool.’

One red swollen cheek soon glowed with ointment, giving it an ugly look in an instant. Park Sungjae couldn’t reply since the other looked more gloomy even as he kept smiling. It was around that time that the phone rang. 

‘Aren’t you going to answer?’

He asked with a sulky tone, glancing at Seo Youngwoo who simply stared at his noisy phone without the intention to answer it. His mouth, which had been chattering even with a bruised face until a while ago, had become frozen still. Park Sungjae’s eyes also moved to Seo Youngwoo’s cell phone screen. And soon, Kang Taejung’s name on the screen made him frown as he spoke.

‘It’s that bastard.’

‘It’s the first time.’ 

‘Huh?’

‘It’s the first time I’ve gotten a call from hyung, Sungjae-yah.’

As the small device vibrated coldly wrapped in his palm, Seo Youngwoo could not speak for a long time. It was not until the call was almost disconnected that he hurriedly answered it and focused his whole mind on the voice over the device, not wanting to miss a single word from the other. 

‘Hello? Yes, okay.’ 

However, his expressions somehow turned into embarrassment over time. The subtle atmosphere of the call continued for a few more minutes.

‘It looks like hyung had a lot to drink.’

Seo Youngwoo, who borrowed a notepad during the call and began to write something down quickly, hurriedly got up and grabbed his jacket as soon as he hung up.

‘Where are you going? Did that bastard tell you to go there?’ 

At the angry question, Seo Youngwoo smiled bitterly and replied. He didn’t realize that the reason he wanted to hold onto him that day was because his bruised face looked particularly painful.

‘It wasn’t hyung. It sounded like the bar manager. He said he looked through the recent call logs and called me. Seems like hyung was too drunk to call anybody. I need to go immediately. Sungjae-yah, thanks for today.’

‘Thanks, my ass. What’s so nice about that prick that you act like his lackey?’

‘…I still like being by his side at times like this. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ 

Park Sungjae watched Seo Youngwoo’s back as he swung his hand while leaving the club. That was the last time he saw the other look genuinely happy. 

***

Clack. Clack.

Park Sungjae’s gaze was dark, not a single beam of light in his eyes as the glass tapped against each other. He quickly recalled another scene from the past, as he closed his eyes. 

***

‘Sungjae-yah, What do I do?’

A few days later, Seo Youngwoo, who came to him with wet eyes, was as drunk as he was now and poured out his emotions without filter. Asking him what was going on, he cried so hard that all of his small face was covered in tears, telling Park Sungjae the nasty truth.

‘I lied to hyung.’ 

‘What? You lied…? What did you say?’

‘Last time…’

And even Park Sungjae, who was always positive about the shocking stories that followed, could not jump on board under false pretenses of being an old friend for that moment. Ironically, however, it was also impossible to condemn him. His friend trembled all over and told him the truth, and it would really be irremediable if he pointed his finger at the other in blame.

Blind to his own cause, Park Sungjae chose to turn his back on the truth, just like Seo Youngwoo. Likewise, he himself was on an irreversible and unforgivable path. 

And a few months later, Seo Youngwoo who didn’t give up and stayed by Kang Taejung’s side with all his heart, received a confession from a certain somebody, and there was no mention of the night between the two.

Recalling Seo Youngwoo who had quickly become wary of what he had revealed and let out a scream, Park Sungjae eventually took a cigarette out of its case. He couldn’t make a proper judgment on which choice was right.

A relationship that had gone wrong from the start. A relationship where trust was nowhere to be found. A relationship that began with complete deception. It was obvious to him, as a third party, that the end of their distorted relationship would not be a good one. However, giving sincere advice to people around you has no effect if you don’t set your own standards. The extent to which an outsider could intervene was extremely limited.

Park Sungjae was distressed that there was nothing he could do but watch Seo Youngwoo slowly fall apart. The only thing he could offer was cheap friendship, with the promise that if Youngwoo really did fall apart, he wouldn’t leave and would play the role of a friend. 

***

Clang–

“Hello.”

Park Sungjae stood up from his half-sitting chair in surprise at the low, soft voice that brought him back to reality. The man who bowed at him in greeting with a low breath was a familiar face. He was dressed comfortably, wearing a black cap as if he had come in a hurry. Park Sungjae briefly wondered if he was the same person he knew because he now looked much worse than he remembered, a gloomy air hovering around him. 

“Sorry for calling this late…”

“It’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.”

In a tone of apology, Kang Taejung shook his head and looked at the body laid down. Seo Youngwoo was drunk enough that you could smell the alcohol on him just from his stupored breathing. Soon after, he sighed lightly and lowered his upper body, shaking Seo Youngwoo’s shoulder.

“Youngwoo-yah, Youngwoo-yah- Wake up.” 

“Mhm…”

“Get up, Youngwoo.”

The intoxicated body shook helplessly with a few soft gestures. He showed no sign of coming to his senses and the man who had grasped the condition of his lover sighed deeply. At the indescribable tiredness that came from Kang Taejung’s sigh, Park Sungjae carefully looked between the other man and his friend.

“How much did he drink?” 

“He drank a whole bottle of liquor. I tried to stop him but he refused… Sorry.”

“I see…”

The man, who was hesitating for a while, quickly organized Seo Youngwoo’s things, holding it in one hand. He then supported the toppled body by wrapping Seo Youngwoo’s arm around his right shoulder, before standing up from his half-bowed position. There was a hint of difficulty, but it was quick. Soon, he took a step with the hand holding Seo Youngwoo’s things around his waist and the other hand firmly holding the wrist around his shoulder. It almost looked like Seo Youngwoo was hanging on to the man unilaterally because of their height difference.

“We’ll get going now. Sorry for being a bother.” 

“I-It’s fine.”

Park Sungjae, who was briefly dumbstruck by the light farewell nod, also nodded his head in surprise.

“Take care of Youngwoo. His heart is not as tough as he is.”

“Yes… I know.” 

“Youngwoo really likes you.”

“…” 

Without having to worry about what to do with the words that popped out without him realizing it, the reply he got was just static. Kang Taejung looked at the face of the person he was supporting for a while at Park Sungjae’s words, and nodded with a subtle expression under his pressed cap. At first glance, it looked like a smile, but the expression that disappeared without a trace was difficult to name.

But in the glances that had passed by, his black pupils illuminated nothing and everything. It was a simple gesture without any words, but the weight of the small movement was not something he dared to discuss in light language. And so, Park Sungjae also bowed his head deeply in farewell. 

The two shadows moved staggeringly, a riot of concerns and worries as they carried the weight of their lives between Jeremy Withers’ swing rhythm. Their steps were extremely unstable, but he couldn’t take his eyes off it until the moment the door was opened, with them going out and disappearing completely. It was only after both of them disappeared from the club that Park Sungjae let out the breath he was holding.

‘Seo Youngwoo…’

Remembering the expression Kang Taejung wore a few seconds ago, Park Sungjae swept a hand over his eyes in worry.

‘I slept with hyung.’ 

‘What? What are you talking about? Did you do it while drunk?’

‘I tried to change hyung’s clothes since he fell on the way back. I was taking off his clothes and he thought I was that person and kissed me… And it somehow ended up that way.’

‘W-What? Did… Did the bastard say he’d take responsibility for you?  Hope he’s not trying to dine and dash or something? Isn’t that a good thing? You can start with a hookup and then get his heart next… But wait, what do you mean by lying?’

At that time, it was still unknown why the scratch on Seo Youngwoo’s face was so clearly visible.  Why were his red and puffy cheeks… 

‘When he woke up and saw me the next morning… He thought he forced me to.’

‘What?’

‘He kept saying sorry… I couldn’t tell him I allowed it to happen. I just told him not to worry. What should I do? I don’t know what to do, Sungjae-yah… I couldn’t tell him. Hyung kept worrying about me and calling me first. I liked it so much that I couldn’t find the right time to tell him.’

‘Hey, what are you…’ 

He still vividly remembered it as if it was yesterday. Years ago when his crying friend had told him the truth he had hidden deep within himself.

Stupid. Why did you do such a thing instead of standing tall and staying true to yourself? No matter how important love is, was it really worth robbing and abandoning your conscience? Was it enough for you to hit rock bottom…?

His slightest breath was shrouded with the guilt of an accomplice, burdened with the weight of sin. If he really cared for Seo Youngwoo as a friend, he should not have turned away from the truth. He should have guided him to go the right way. However, his regrets that had already missed its timing were already lying somewhere in the corner of his mind like a piece of garbage that was long past its expiration date.