Lack of Love

Zhong Qiran hurriedly took leave from school and work, informed Li Qi, and then went back to his home country with Yan’s mother.

Originally, he had planned to study and intern in M country for just two short years and not return. Unexpectedly, this time he returned to his home country for Yan Hao.

They took a flight that lasted over ten hours and immediately rushed back to Yan’s house upon arrival at the airport. Yan’s house had a dedicated medical team, and unless it was an emergency or a severe condition requiring medical equipment, consultations were usually done at home.

When Zhong Qiran saw the driver heading towards Yan’s house, he breathed a sigh of relief. It meant that there wasn’t a sudden serious illness. He had been constantly wondering what he would do if Yan Hao wanted to see him one last time.

Just the thought of that possibility made him tremble uncontrollably. They were still so young, and even though they had faced numerous dangers, he had never thought that Yan Hao might leave him first.

Yan’s mother remained silent throughout the journey, probably wanting to describe Yan Hao’s condition but not knowing how to say it, so she brought Zhong Qiran back with her.

However, Zhong Qiran didn’t expect that Yan Hao’s situation was even more worse than a severe illness.

As soon as they arrived at Yan’s house, Yan’s mother immediately brought Zhong Qiran to the door of Yan Hao’s room upstairs. The doctor stood outside and prevented them from entering, saying, “He just fell asleep.”

Yan’s mother nodded and said, “We won’t disturb him. Let him take a look at him from here.” After hearing this, the doctor glanced at Zhong Qiran and nodded, saying, “Okay. Please be quiet.”

Zhong Qiran had no idea what was going on, but from the doctor’s and Yan’s mother’s words, it seemed that Yan Hao’s condition was not good.

The doctor gently opened the door without making any noise. Zhong Qiran looked through the crack on the door and saw Yan Hao lying in bed, with sunken cheeks, heavy dark circles under his eyes, and appearing extremely thin as if devoid of any vitality.

He was stunned. He had never seen Yan Hao in such a state before.

At that moment, Yan’s mother gently pressed his shoulder, signaling him to come closer, and whispered, “Let’s talk downstairs.”

Unable to forget the sight of Yan Hao just now, Zhong Qiran couldn’t help but ask when they reached the living room, “What’s going on?”

Yan’s mother asked him to sit down, took a moment to gather herself, and then began to speak, “Six months ago, he went to find you, right?”

Zhong Qiran thought for a moment and answered, “Yes.”

“After he returned, he worked relentlessly for three months. You know, after the car accident… he developed those strange after effects. Because he always had a blank expression, his father and I didn’t realize it. We thought it would be fine as long as he had a psychiatrist looking after him. But we never expected…” Yan’s mother’s eyes reddened, but she remained composed as she continued, “He hardly slept during those three months. It wasn’t until he collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital that we found out. He was so close to…”

Yan’s mother didn’t finish her sentence, but Zhong Qiran understood. However, what he was more concerned about at the moment was, “What kind of after effects?”

Yan’s mother looked at him strangely and said, “Emotional detachment disorder. I thought… Yan Hao had already told you.”

Zhong Qiran’s hand suddenly trembled. He did know, but at that time, during their argument, he didn’t take it seriously at all. He even thought that Yan Hao was trying to force him to come back and said some harsh words to him. In that heated moment, nobody would have considered all of this. 

Yan’s mother didn’t pay too much attention to it. “It doesn’t matter if you know now. His condition has worsened, even the slightest noise can wake him up, leading to prolonged insomnia and headaches. He now looks at us… as if we were strangers.”

“Why is it like this?”

“I heard from his previous psychiatrist that his emotions have almost disappeared, even his sensitivity to emotions. The human body has a self-protective mechanism, and it applies to emotions as well. However, he doesn’t feel negative emotions in himself, so they manifest directly in his physical state.”

It’s similar to someone with a mental illness not realizing they are sick and engaging in self-harm or harming others. Zhong Qiran could understand this principle. “Why do you think finding me would help?”

Yan’s mother paused for a moment before saying, “Because we have tried every method, and none of them worked.”

That’s why they just dragged it out for another three months, until Yan Hao was on the verge of collapse.

Zhong Qiran had previously dealt with Yan’s mother, so he knew what she was thinking. But he and Yan Hao were separated now, and he had no right to say anything. He suppressed his displeasure and pushed down his anger. “What do you want me to do?”

Yan’s mother didn’t want to compromise, but she had no choice but to compromise. “I hope you can stay by his side for a while until he gets better.”

Zhong Qiran shook his head. “You know I’m studying in M country now, and I only have one year left until graduation. I can’t just abandon my studies at this time.”

Yan’s mother was prepared for this and immediately asked, “What conditions do you want? We can discuss it again.”

Zhong Qiran remained silent.

Yan’s mother touched this sore spot further, “Can you stand by and watch Yan Hao die?”

Zhong Qiran clenched his fists but stayed silent.

Yan’s mother probably realized she had pushed him too far. She softened her tone and said, “Zhong Qiran, if you can help Yan Hao recover his health, I will be very grateful.”

Zhong Qiran deliberately said, “You are putting me in a difficult position. Aren’t you afraid of rekindling our old feelings?”

Yan’s mother had thought about that. “So, after it’s done, I hope you can leave. Whatever you want to do, I can help you achieve it.”

After hearing this, Zhong Qiran actually laughed. It was a laugh filled with anger but said, “Let me think about it.”

After this rather unpleasant conversation, Zhong Qiran stood in the courtyard for a while to calm himself down. Although he took a week off for his rare visit to the country, the timing was awkward, and he didn’t have enough time to visit relatives and friends. So for now, he had to temporarily stay at Yan’s house.

Despite being angry with Yan’s mother’s attitude, he was genuinely concerned about Yan Hao’s condition. When it came down to it, he couldn’t escape his responsibility for how Yan Hao ended up like this. Looking back, it was because of the car accident that Yan Hao developed these troublesome after effects while trying to protect him.

Just based on that, Zhong Qiran felt that he owed Yan Hao too much. As for their relationship, that was a separate matter. He understood the need to differentiate between the two.

When he returned to the room, he heard the doctor say that Yan Hao had already woken up.

He thought for a moment and asked the doctor, “Can I go in and see him?”

The doctor glanced at Yan’s mother, and she nodded.

That was the meaning behind Yan’s mother bringing Zhong Qiran here. If Zhong Qiran couldn’t help with Yan Hao’s symptoms, then she could let him leave as soon as possible, and they would no longer be entangled.

However, her hope was still in vain. Both she and the doctor stood outside the door and saw Yan Hao staring fixedly at Zhong Qiran.

Yan Hao suffered from chronic insomnia and malnutrition, to the point where his body could only lie in bed. But they saw him tremblingly reaching out his hand towards Zhong Qiran, even though he had no strength left.

Naturally, Zhong Qiran saw it too. He firmly held Yan Hao’s hand and asked, “Do you remember who I am?” Yan Hao’s lips moved, but no sound came out. However, Zhong Qiran saw it, as he pronounced his name.

He looked at Yan Hao, who still had an expressionless face and calm eyes, seemingly devoid of any emotional response. But he could sense it somehow. That person conveyed a strong yearning through his actions, desperately holding onto him with the little strength he had left, pleading for him not to leave. ”don’t go.”