Lack of Love

Upon hearing those words, Yan Hao’s hostility towards him grew stronger.

Without fear, Lian Siqiao stared back at Yan Hao calmly, saying, “Don’t look at me like that. I won’t come between you and Zhong Qiran.”

“What exactly is going on?”

“Your mother did approach me, that’s true. She wanted me to help break you two up.” Lian Siqiao met Yan Hao’s gaze directly, exposing the ugly actions of Yan’s mother. “But I refused.”

This answer was unexpected. Yan Hao asked, “Then why did you agree later?”

“Please understand this clearly. I agreed to Mr. Zhong’s invitation, not your mother’s. As for what misunderstandings she wants to create, I have no control over that.” Even in front of Yan Hao, Lian Siqiao criticized Yan’s mother without holding back. “Forgive me for not agreeing with your mother’s ideas. I am also gay, and I naturally know how hurtful such actions can be.”

Yan Hao finally understood him. Lian Siqiao wanted to pretend to agree to this matter in order to teach his Yan’s mother a lesson that men who are gay also have feelings which are real. “But I can’t approve of your approach.”

“Are you wondering why I didn’t clarify things with your mother face to face?” Lian Siqiao suddenly smiled and asked, “Yan Hao, have you ever thought about how you ended up like this? It’s entirely your own doing.”

Yan Hao stared at the person in front of him. 

Lian Siqiao, however, was not afraid. He wanted to address Yan Hao’s condition, so he needed to first understand his family and the person closest to him. “Take a moment to reflect on how many times you and your father have condoned your mother’s actions. Even if you haven’t caused any major harm, do you just brush it off lightly after each incident? Do you think she will restrain herself with just a little persuasion? I believe reality has already given you the answer.”

Lian Siqiao raised his first finger. “The first time, your mother lied to you about the divorce.”

He raised his second finger. “The second time, even after you separated, your mother still tried to prevent you from seeing each other. She wrongly sought a psychologist out of her own selfishness, nearly causing you to lose your life.”

He raised his third finger. “The third time, which is now. If it weren’t for me, how would you handle it? If another misunderstanding arises between you two, do you think you have a high chance of fixing it? Will you encounter a second Zhong Qiran?”

Yan Hao remained silent.

“In a sense, love is indeed noble, but it’s not meant to be a test. You feel torn between your family and your lover, so you think remaining neutral is the best way? The root of all problems usually starts with staying silent.” Lian Siqiao reprimanded Yan Hao without reservation, completely disregarding the fact that he was his employer. “I’m not interested in meddling in your family affairs, but I genuinely can’t overlook it anymore. If I were Zhong Qiran…”

Lian Siqiao paused at this point, shaking his head and smiling, not continuing his sentence.

Yan Hao didn’t ask either. Lian Siqiao’s criticism was harsh, but it hit the mark. “What do you plan to do?”

“I don’t plan to do anything. As I said, I’m just here to work on your request. Unless you want to fire me.” Lian Siqiao returned the question to Yan Hao as it was. “Whether you want to continue hiding the truth from Zhong Qiran, confess, or tell your mother the truth, the decision is yours.”

After observing Yan Hao’s reaction, Lian Siqiao added, “Of course, if you’re not ready to confront either side for now, I can cooperate with you in a play.”

It was a bait and a test for Yan Hao.

For Yan Hao, it should have been a difficult decision. On one side was his mother, and on the other was his lover. Revealing the truth to either side would cause harm to the other. But without any hesitation, he said, “I won’t do anything that would hurt him, even if it’s just pretending.”

Lian Siqiao was somewhat surprised by how quickly Yan Hao made his decision, as if he didn’t need to think about it at all. And finally, he understood why Zhong Qiran had never given up.

He acknowledged that he couldn’t reach the level of Zhong Qiran and Yan Hao. If he were Zhong Qiran, he probably would have given up long ago.

Lian Siqiao stood up with a smile, saying to Yan Hao, “Since you’ve made up your mind, I won’t disturb you any longer. Honestly, this meeting was also arranged by your mother. Perhaps she’s waiting outside, or perhaps she has already taken a picture of us dining together and sent it anonymously to Zhong Qiran. I don’t know if she will embellish it further. Lastly, I’ll remind you once again to explain things as soon as possible. Any wrong beginning comes from hesitation. If you don’t intend to fire me, I’ll come at the usual time this week.”

Yan Hao nodded as he watched Lian Siqiao leave the restaurant with firm and decisive steps.

As he watched the figure depart, he suddenly seemed to understand why Zhong Qiran envied him.

And as Lian Siqiao had anticipated, Yan’s mother had already taken photos and anonymously sent them to Zhong Qiran.

Zhong Qiran was working when he heard the sound of his phone. He glanced at it briefly before tossing it aside and continuing with his work.

In the afternoon, when Yan Hao returned to the company, Zhong Qiran appeared unaffected and calm.

In the evening, the two of them had dinner at home. Yan’s mother, in an unusually good mood, personally cooked several dishes and even mentioned Lian Siqiao’s name, praising him intentionally or unintentionally.

Zhong Qiran didn’t react at all. He focused on eating and continued doing whatever he needed to do. He treated unpleasant words as if they were mere background noise.

The words spoken by Lian Siqiao at noon did have some effect. Yan Hao now found himself unconsciously paying more attention to Zhong Qiran. Perhaps he had been too indifferent before, and now he realized the difficult and awkward situation Zhong Qiran was facing in their home. But Zhong Qiran had never shown it, and he was even thinking of overcoming it on his own.

Yan Hao couldn’t help but think about the four years of their marriage. Had he always silently accepted this situation, leading to the deterioration of their relationship, which had continued until now?

As Yan Hao thought about this, he suddenly lost his appetite. The sight of his mother’s current happy appearance seemed bitterly ironic.

After dinner, when Zhong Qiran wanted to go to the study, Yan Hao pulled him into the room. “I have something to tell you.”

Yan Hao rarely spoke with such seriousness, which made Zhong Qiran wonder what he wanted to say. Although this seemed like a good opportunity, Zhong Qiran didn’t confront him about the photos. He asked, “What do you want to tell me?”

Yan Hao looked at him for a moment before saying, “Did you have anything you wanted to ask me?”

“No.”

“Then let me tell you, I had lunch with Lian Siqiao today.” Yan Hao waited for a while but didn’t see any noticeable reaction from Zhong Qiran.

Zhong Qiran calmly replied, “I know.”

“How did you know?”

Zhong Qiran slid open his phone and showed Yan Hao the anonymous photos they received. The pictures showed the two of them walking into the restaurant together at noon, shoulder to shoulder. The photos themselves weren’t explicit, but the angles seemed deliberately chosen to make them appear intimate.

Yan Hao suddenly said, “This isn’t the first time, is it?”

Zhong Qiran didn’t understand why Yan Hao suddenly seemed curious about this matter, but he answered honestly, “No.”

Shortly after they separated, Yan Hao appeared in the tabloids, and even earlier, when they first started living together, Zhong Qiran occasionally received such news. His calm demeanor didn’t start from the beginning; it was the result of accumulated experiences.

Yan Hao stared at him and asked, “So you also knew who was behind all these things?”

Zhong Qiran looked at Yan Hao for a while before saying, “Yes.”

This was the first time they directly faced this issue. They had always avoided discussing it before, but once they opened up, there had to be a resolution.

Yan Hao took a step closer to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to make things difficult for you.”

“Just by not saying anything, you think I’ll be fine?” Yan Hao had backed Zhong Qiran against the window, and the hot breath from his nose blew onto the tips of Zhong Qiran’s hair, causing a strand to curl up. Yan Hao reached out and held that curled strand between his fingertips, playing with it. The atmosphere suddenly became tender and ambiguous. “At the very least, you could have been a little jealous. Do you trust me that much?”

Zhong Qiran didn’t understand how Yan Hao managed to turn his questioning tone into something akin to flirting. But the previous tense atmosphere had indeed dissipated. This man seemed to be pleasing him, yet also showing a hint of vulnerability. His coldness was always reserved for outsiders, but in front of Zhong Qiran, he remained the Yan Hao he knew, albeit slightly different now—more honest, adorable, and capable of sweet words. Occasionally, he even revealed a vulnerable side.

This was what Yan Hao meant when he said that only when Zhong Qiran was by his side did he feel a bit more alive.

“Yan Hao, my judgment isn’t that poor.”

“But this time it’s different.”

“What’s different?”

“Lian Siqiao is well-educated, independent, young, good-looking, and gay. He matches the type i go for. Most importantly, he resembles you.”

“But we are not the same person.”

“Yes, that’s why I want you to understand that the only person who can stir my emotions is you.” Yan Hao lowered his head and whispered in Zhong Qiran’s ear, “Zhong Qiran, I don’t want you to suffer.”

Now Zhong Qiran understood. The unfamiliar and long-forgotten feeling he had during dinner…

It was a feeling called heartache.