Not Far Not Close

THIRD YEAR SYNDROME

Like a pair of wings flying freely, like Picasso’s painting.

Happiness is a sweet and sour sugar that can’t be described.

You are able to do a kind of magic that makes the night shine.

123 Open your eyes, beautiful life dancing under the moonlight.

I forgot that there is a map, only the warmth of my hand

We slowly walk through the path of fragrant flowers and grass…

Liang Jingru <Beautiful Life>

Slowly fall in love with the night.

After mother and father have gone to sleep, I can stop pretending to smile. All the pretense can be removed, I use the most sincere emotions to type some words in the computer, to myself. Before  I go online, i haven’t opened my QQ for a long time, and even if i do, i don’t have any friends. There was still a letter in the mailbox, this time with the word “Yu Feng” written squarely on the letterhead. The letter is very short: “Used to send a letter to your mailbox every weekend, condolences by the way, wishing all the best. (Don’t forget to take the English test on Monday).”

I wrote back, also very simple: thank you, good night.

Although I was slightly awkward last night because of Yu Feng, I believe these misunderstandings will be cleared up sooner or later. There was a phone call in the evening, the caller ID is XIxi’s home, but she did not speak, “click” and hung up. I also did not call back.. It’s better not to explain, the more you describe it, the worse it will get.

I just hope she won’t be too upset. I also believe she won’t. According to her character, she would have forgotten about it before I did.

The story I wrote for Bowen started to get longer and longer, and I gave it a name, “Not far not close.” The feeling that Bowen gave me was like this, he was gone but it was as if he had never left, so I couldn’t help but remember. I realized more about myself while typing down some details. Before this, I never thought I was such a nostalgic person.

That night’s writing went quite well, writing to the point where the male lead said to the female lead “I’ll be back, no matter how far I go, no matter where I go”, my tears flowed down irresistibly, I deleted that sentence, that sour sentence, I do not want to see it.

At 2:00 a.m., I was tired of writing and couldn’t sleep, so I ran to the balcony to look at the stars. The window on the opposite balcony pulled open with a clatter, and there was Ling Xia, who was smoking, his cigarette flickering in the darkness.

“Hey!” I said, ” You should protect your voice to sing.”

He laughed: “Still up so late?” After that, he followed up with : “Don’t tell me you can’t sleep.”

He had foresight, and the words I wanted to say had to be stuck in my throat. It took a while to change the subject: “By the way, what’s your band’s name? I keep forgetting to ask.”

“Silk Street.” He said.

“You seem to have a thing for Xiushui Street?” I said curiously.

“Little sister, that’s not my favorite topic.” He viciously put out his cigarette.

“Sorry.” I said, “I’m going to bed.”

“Sensitive little girl, that’ s why you get hurt easily.” Ling Xia said, “Since we can’ t sleep, why don’ t we talk.”

“I don’t want to get hurt for a stranger again.” I started to fight back.

He laughed, “Senior year is hard, right?”

“Nonsense, didn’t you ever study for your senior year.” I was so weak at the mention of senior year that I put my elbows on the balcony and propped up my chin.

“Of course I did, I read until my eyes dripped blood. Every day I say to myself, “If you can’t get in, you’re done, if you can’t get in you can go to fucking hell.” He said foul language, but it did not seem vulgar, a pair of eyes shining in the night with a fascinating light.

“I love your lyrics. Every single song.” I said from the bottom of my heart.

“I hear you’re good at composing and often get published.”

“Who did you hear that from?” I was surprised.

“It’s Aunty Ye mention it when we’re talking on the phone.” Ling Xia said, “I was discussing with her about replacing all the doors and windows over here so that we can rehearse at home later.”

Heh, I really didn’t expect him to mention me when he was talking to someone on the phone.

“What’s your major?” Curious about him, I continued the interview.

“International Trade and Finance.” He answered honestly.

“Wow, you get paid a lot of money in a month.”

“How much is much?” He asked me wisely in return.

“Just enough to eat, drink and play.” I said, “Besides, you earn two salaries, many people want it.”

“Singing doesn’t make money. Believe it or not.” He said, “I just hope I can keep the band going.”

“You’re quite an idiot.” I said to him.

“That’s what they say.” He took it in stride.

“I’m kind of an idiot, too.” I scolded myself when I thought of Bowen.

“It will be forgotten.” Ling Xia knew exactly what I was talking about, and he comforted me by saying, “Occasionally when you think about it, the pain is just for a moment. The age will make you slowly become heartless, huh.”

He sounded like an uncle.

I kept silent and said goodbye to him again.

“Sleep well.” He urged me, “Wake up to the sun shining.”

“I’ll come back next weekend to hear you sing.” I said.

“Senior year,” he said curtly, “Don’t be too capricious.” I turned around and walked away. As I closed the balcony door, I thought about his eyes, his eyes, and how he looked like someone.

I was really, quite, an idiot.

Early Monday morning, Ye XiXi waited for me in front of the school. When she saw me, she said bashfully, “I’m sorry, I was drunk and crazy that day”.

I jumped off my bike, patted my pants and said indifferently, “What happened? I forgot about it.”

” Heh, heh, heh.” She laughed shyly, patting herself on the butt and coming over to push the bike for me. I hurriedly said: “Pull back, you’re arms and legs are thin, people will think I’ m bullying you.”

“Then you bully me,”  Ye Xixi begged, “You see I actually said those nasty words!”

“Stop it!” I don’t want to mention it again.

“YES! ” Ye Xixi said, I did not expect that she, who had always been cheerful and generous, could be more relieved than I am. We walked in silence for a while, she finally said what she wanted to say most: “Do not tell him, okay?”

“Xixi,” I stopped and looked at her with a smile and said, “I really forgot, and please don’t take it to heart again, okay?”

“I’ll do as you say.” She said.

When I saw Old Ding when I walked to the classroom door, she smiled at me kindly. But fiercely said to Ye Xixi: “Look what shoes you are wearing!”

I only then noticed that Ye Xixi’s shoes, is a pair of flowery cartoon shoes, the sole is very high, round head topped with a large chrysanthemum in full bloom, quite a different kind of beauty, of course, Lao Ding is not used to see it.

“Soon the exam, the mind is still on these!” Old Ding continued to nag. It just so happens that Yu Feng passed by sideways with his backpack, and also frowned slightly at Ye Xixi’s shoes, Ye Xixi’s face slightly red, very unhappy to sit in her own seat.

After the morning reading class, Yu Feng came to me and handed me a math reference book and said, “Yesterday, I saw it in the Xinhua bookstore and bought an extra copy, I think it will be useful for you.”

“Oh. I already have it.” I hurriedly said, “Coincidentally, I also bought it yesterday.”

“Really?” Yu Feng said, ” That is really a coincidence.”

“Thank you. Why don’t you give it to Xixi, maybe she can use it.” I guess Xiao Xiao is looking over here, I lowered my voice and said with an expression as natural as possible.

Yu Feng put the book away and said, ” Okay, I heard you hired a math tutor?”

“En.”

” How’s the teaching going?”

” So-so.” I said, “Just yesterday came once, I heard it was the top math student of the division, but I asked him a question, he spent at least fifteen minutes calculating, also asked my mother for transportation costs, ha ha.”

Yu Feng laughed: “What you don’t understand you can also ask me.”

“Okay.” I said. In my mind, I don’t want to get a glare and a fist from Ye Xixi. 

He finally walked away from my seat. When he walked to Ye Xixi’s seat, I noticed that he didn’t give her the reference book, but walked past her. Ye Xixi buried her head and didn’t say anything to him.

The first class was Lao Ding’s language class. I was always distracted in her class, and unconsciously began to think about my long novel again. When I returned to my senses, Ye Xixi was being asked to answer questions, and I heard her reply loudly, “I don’t know.”

” If you don’t know, then you don’t know.” Old Ding said angrily, ” Why so loud! Is there anything to be proud of if you don’t know!?”

“I don’t know!!!”

This “I don’t know” is even louder and more justified than the last time.

The whole class laughed in a frenzy.

Old Ding startled: “Eat the wrong drugs?” While asking the question, she came down from the podium and walked to Ye Xixi’s side. Pulled the paper under her book and said, “Let everyone see what you’ve drawn!”

The drawing was put up, and on it was a beautiful boy wearing a jacket with silent and deep eyes. A good boy shouted, “Isn’t this Yu Feng?”

Ye Xixi pulled back the paper from Old Ding’s hand, tore it to pieces in an instant, and slumped to the table and wailed.

I tickled her and she brushed my hand away irritably. I had to go to Yu Feng’s side and say, “Go persuade ah, watching her cry like this ah.”

Yu Feng stood up and went, it is indeed one thing better than another, soon Ye Xixi stopped crying, stood up and went out of the classroom with Yu Feng.

I am a little relieved.

I believe that Yu Feng has the ability to let Ye Xixi calm down.

Senior high school, stressful, occasionally a little nervous is a normal thing, I believe that the Old Ding will not be too harsh on her. As expected, she came back from Old Ding’s office a while later. The teachers of the morning classes stayed in the classroom, I did not have time to talk to her again, until after midday, the people in the classroom are gone, I called her and said: ” Let’s go, quickly go to the cafeteria.”

“I can’t eat.” She said breathlessly.

“Still drunk?” I asked her in an unpleasant manner.

“You go eat.” She said, ” You can’t get your meal if you’re late, leave me alone.”

“Then I’ll be hungry with you.” I put the lunch box on her table. It worked, and she stood up and said, “Why don’t we go out and eat something nice?”

The person who lost her temper was the greatest, so I had to obediently accompany her to Pizza Hut. And then obediently pay for the treat, just hope that the young lady can be happy.

She said she wasn’t hungry, but she ate more than I did, a large piece of pizza was gone instantly into her mouth, and I kindly reminded her, “Be careful you’ll get fat.”

” Let me fat then,” She said, “No one cares anyway.”

“You, I think you have third-year syndrome.” I scolded her and said, “Not a single day is normal.”

“Why do you think he doesn’t like me?” Ye Xixi suddenly raised her head to me and said, “Tell me the truth, am I unlovable?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“The whole world knows that I like him, but he actually treats me like this.” Ye Xixi tossed her fork to the table, and her eyes turned red in an instant.

“In my opinion ……,” I said slowly, “Ye Xixi is a pretty cute girl. And Yu Feng, he also likes you very much. You are completely over-worried.”

“Really?” She didn’t believe it.

” Is he not tutor you every day? When you cry, he came to advise you? Use your head, you don’t know what you’re angry about all day long!”

She laughed, but still said, “He was forced to do that!”

“Actually in the past, when Bowen was around me I did not feel it, but now ……” I could not go on. Ye Xixi see my tone is not right, hurriedly said: “Sorry, sorry, don’t mention the sad past.”

So we all lowered our heads and ate furiously, and returned to school with full stomachs. I saw Yu Feng sitting by the basketball court reading a book, and when he saw us, he stood up and walked over and said, “Where did you go? I can’t find you guys anywhere.”

“You care about me?” Ye Xixi was so excited.

“Went to Pizza Hut.” I’m still honest.

” There’s an English test this afternoon.” Yu Feng said.

” Do you need to remind!” Ye Xixi was getting more and more unreasonable.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Yu Feng also became angry, “I think Old Ding is right, you are really taking the wrong medicine!”

I made a move to walk away and let them quarrel with each other. But Ye Xixi pulled me back, “Don’t go, someone has been waiting for so long, if you leave he will be disappointed to death!”

“Ye Xixi, don’t talk nonsense.” I scolded her.

“Am I talking nonsense?” Ye Xixi looked at Yu Feng, “I’ll give you a chance, you can now tell Tianyi if I’m talking nonsense, if you have the guts then say it!”

“Crazy.” Yu Feng turned his head to the other side and looked at the sky in anger.

“Still not bold enough oh.” Ye Xixi sneered and said, “This morning when sending review materials is quite courageous, it’s a pity that people do not appreciate you, and got rejected, right? Hmmph!”

So she really saw everything.

Yu Feng got talked by her like that, can’t hold up his face, looked at us, turn around and leave abruptly.

Ye Xixi pounced on me and cried out. I hastily pulled her to the field’s side, said helplessly: “You torture me today, torture me until sick then you will be satisfied.”

“I’m so defeated. The only consolation is defeat under you.” The sound of Ye Xixi’s crying finally subsided. I was so distracted by her crying that I ruthlessly said, “A crazy woman like you, if I were Yu Feng I wouldn’t want you either!”

“I don’t want him either!” Ye Xixi said, “I’ll cut ties with him from today, and tomorrow I’ll find a new boyfriend to show you!”

” Impressive.” I said, “I’ll wait and see.”

“Xia Tianyi you are inhuman!” She shouted, “I’m heartbroken uh, you can at least comfort me a little ah.”

“Comfort.” I said, “You hold on.”

“Men are no good.” She started cursing randomly, and it was a good thing I wasn’t a man, so I continued to stay with her and wait for her madness to go down.

“I’m not going to class. No face.” She said, “I want to go out for a walk, you take my school bag for me and I will wait for you at the ‘Fish and Fish Bar’ when the school is over.”

The Fish and Fish Bar is a comic book bar near our school, the books are quite good, a cup of coffee is only five yuan, with student ID can also be 20% off, quite good.

It’s good to go out for a walk. Look at her like that, she can’t go to class properly.

“Okay, don’t run around.” I told her, ” Take a walk and you’ll be in a good mood.  Don’t you have to take the Shanghai college entrance exam? There’s no next time, mess around again and I won’t forgive you.”

“Go to fucking Shanghai!” Ye Xixi finish said, turn and run away.

I decided to talk to Yu Feng.

The English test was extraordinarily difficult that day, and it was nearly six o’clock when I finished the test and turned in my paper. I was carrying my school bag and carrying YeXixi’s in one hand, I called out to Yu Feng and said, “Wait for me?”

“Where did she go?” Yu Feng asked me.

“If you really care about her, don’t be so angry with her.” I said.

“Wronged, my lord.” Yu Feng also had a humorous side.

“Here.” I handed him the school bag and said, “She’s reading a book at the ‘Fish and Fish Bar’ right now, go make up for it and just pretend that it never happened.”

Yu Feng took the book bag and said to me, “Don’t believe all her nonsense, whatever I do, you should know why. He and I grew up together, like brothers.”

Of course I knew who he meant by “he”. I stopped him with a hand gesture. Then I said, “Xixi is quite sensitive, you should not make her sad.”

“You girls …… aih.” Yu Feng said half of the words, carrying Ye Xixi’s large school bag walked away, if I guessed correctly, he must be trying to say that the mind of girls is really difficult to guess, huh.

I came home,there’s a distant relative’s 60th birthday tonight, mom and dad are going to dinner. I finished a bowl of instant noodles, think about Ye Xixi and Yu Feng, feel very annoyed in the heart, I heard the sound of Ling Xia open the door, and I pulled open the door too. Asked him, “How come you didn’t go to Silk Street bar?”

“Tonight is our band rest day.” He said, “Have you eaten?”

“Ate.” I leaned against the door, “What about you?”

“Had a couple of bites outside. Heh.” He smiled and invited me, “Why don’t you come in and sit down?”

This was the first time I’d actually been in Ling Xia’s house, the last time I’d just looked in the doorway. He had a lot of CDs, almost half a wall. The CDs were all ones I had never seen before, and I curiously held them in my hands and looked at them repeatedly. Ling Xia handed me a can of drink and said behind me, “These are my treasures. I started collecting them ten years ago.” He took a CD of Huang Shujun in his hand and said to me, “There’s a song in here, ‘Unended Song’. In my third year of high school, I listened to this song almost every day.”

I shook my head in shame.

“The Unended Song” is a very good novel by Luqiao, which has four main characters named Lin Yanmei, Tong Xiaoxian ,Dayu and Baosheng, and later, the singer Huang Shujun turned the story into a song, which is quite good. Come, I’ll play it for you to hear.”

When Dayu kissed on the lips of Baosheng I finally fulfilled a wish

Just don’t know whether the other secret of Xiao Tong is Lin Yanmei

In the hypnotic sound of the unended song how many people are haunted by it

In the lonely and miserable seventeen years old managed get a little bit of sweetness

My friends and my classmates shed the same tears at different times

I thought about who was more like who between my friends and the characters in the book

Is it possible that the rose in the schoolyard is planted in front of my eyes?

Give me a little tenderness and joy in the ordinary and unexceptional world

You know you are looking for your Lin Yanmei, You know you are looking for your Tong Xiaoxian

You know you’re in you know you’re in you know you’re looking for a kind of eternity

My brother my sister you shed the same tears once again

Oh! What a wonderful feeling to tell me who your beloved one is

How I hope you will really see your Lin Yanmei one day

Wu Baosheng and Tong Xiaoxian sang for me to finish this unfulfilled wish

This singer named Huang Shujun I was not familiar with before, this song called “Unended Song” is also very different from many songs I have heard before, “In the lonely and bitter seventeen years old manage get a little bit sweetness ……” the lyrics are incredibly beautiful. I said to Ling Xia from the bottom of my heart: “It’s very nice. You give me a copy of the lyrics, I must recommend it to Ye Xixi.”

“The little girl who came with you to listen to the song that day?”

“Yeah,” I said, “she’s been going crazy lately, so much so that I almost went crazy too.”

” Haha.” Ling Xia laughed and said, “Huang Shujun also has a song called “Love Syndrome”, we always called ourselves third year syndrome at that time. How to get through the inhumane senior year without occasionally going a little crazy?”

“If Ye Xixi heard what you said, she must be grateful to you.” I was too shy to stay at his house, so I said, “I have to go back and study,”

“When you’re done with your exams, I’ll play good songs for you every day.” Ling Xia walked me to the door, his hand suddenly pulled the door handle and said, “Wait.”

I looked at him.

“Don’t sleep so late at night again, you would have no energy for class tomorrow.”

“So would you still sing on the balcony at night?” I asked him.

“I’ll sing a ‘lullaby’ if you want to hear it, haha.”

“Forget it then, don’t sing me to sleep while I’m not done with my homework.” I laughed as I pulled open the door and saw my mom coming up the stairs. I didn’t expect her to be back so early, carrying a lunchbox in her hand, so she must have brought me dinner.

She must not have expected me to walk out of Ling Xia’s room, so she was stunned, and her eyes were about to fall out.

i groaned in my heart.

Not good.